zombie buster
I had a weird dream last night. Dreamt that I was somekind of zombie buster. You know, pretty much like what John Constantine did for a living in that movie - just that a zombie buster only confines his work on ruining zombies’ shit and kicking their sordid ass back into their graves. He doesn’t deal with demons or any other type of creeps.
The plot took place in an eerily lit mansion, and I, the zombie buster, was heading upstairs to the main bedroom over a report of a zombie sighting. I stopped at the room’s entrance and tried to open it. It was locked. I then knocked the door forcefully and decreed the undead to open up the door or be sorry about it. Nothing happened.
That was when I decided force the door open by kicking it… but that solid wood wouldn’t budge an inch. I was literally stuck and there’s nothing I can do about it… except yelling. “Open up the door goddamn it!”. I continued for what it must be like 5 minutes ? Then suddenly, I heard some noise coming from inside. Noise of a very heavy footstep, trudging towards the door …
Finally, there’s gonna be some showdown for the zombie buster… I said to myself. I reached for my sword to get myself ready for the anticipated battle, but… it was nowhere to be found. Damn it, where’s my sword ? - I said to myself. FUCK ! I must have dropped the sword somewhere when I’m on my way here !
Not wanting to fight a disadvantaged battle with a stinking zombie (nope, I ain’t punching no corpse. That’s unhygienic.), I bolted towards another bedroom’s door and tried to open it. Great, it wasn’t locked. Inside the room, there was a young pretty babe sitting on her bed, half naked in her lingerie … obviously awakened by my sudden entrance to the room…
That was when I said
“Errr… excuse me miss, I’m actually a zombie buster. I’m here to bust a zombie but, I dropped my sword somewhere. Do you happen to have weapon of some sort that I can use … like a machete or something ?”. (And no, I didn’t ogled at her braless tits while I was asking that)
She nodded and pointed at a wooden closet - where I found a spear head and a machete inside. Awesome ! I took both the weapons and headed out to confront the fucking zombie. But I was almost jolted black out when I saw that half decomposed zombie already made it’s way to the girl’s room entrance … and had both it’s skeletal claws lifted up in the air ready to pounce on me.
I immediately responded by thrusting the spear head into the zombie’s chest (or his tits, whatever). But it has no effect on him, that’s because the spear head I’m holding actually turned into a darkened banana peel ! FUCK ! Without wasting more time, I tried to slash that zombie with that machete … trying to decapitate it’s ugly head. Again, no effect - as the machete I’m holding had mysteriously transformed into a small thumb paper cutter (you know, those that we use in kindergarten class ?).
Realizing that the situation wasn’t looking good, I tried to flee but was rounded up by that pretty young girl - which turned out to be the zombie’s cohort banshee (like the one in Warcraft ?) in disguise. And evil triumphed over the good in that dream … and was continued by another dream which I didn’t manage to recall.
moral of dream - something’s telling me that thou should not trust pretty girls. at least not 100%.