Saw today’s news about those heaps of sea cucumbers being washed up to our Malaysian shores ? According to our local scientists, it’s an extraordinary phenomenon (do we really need a scientist to tell us that ?). And during my drive home from work today, I overheard a news update from the radio that those marine slugs were being washed up ashore due to some miniscule tsunami happenings around our region.

Yeah right, like you can blame everything on tsunami. My unpaid taxes. My missing CD’s. My slumping shares. The birds at my workplace carpark that seem to have a never ending bowel movement problem… They’re all caused by the fucking tsunami. Right, right.

I tell you, it’s all a cover up. It has nothing to do with the tsunami. The whole thing’s actually a federal boner. Remember yesterday’s piece of news that the DPM (Deputy Powderful Man) whined about those missing foreign workers that were supposed to arrive to work here ? Yes, 169000 of them… and not a single soul turn up. What happened? They overslept and missed their plane? What… all of them? And after that press conference yesterday … we suddenly have a few hundred thousands of slugs showing up a day later (which is today…). Coincidence ? I don’t think so.

You know, I suspected someone from the top (god knows who) had made a wrong order from the labor catalog (no surprise, they always make stupid mistakes). Like he’s supposed to tick “construction workers” on the order form, but he actually ticked the wrong box as “government workers” ? And WHAM! Order delivered. Our foreign “workers” are now crawling up to get to work.

These slugs workers are good at :
- eating non stop and sleep.
- idling at work
- staring blankly at monitor for hours
- extremely slow productivity
- stodgy demeanor
- extremely low intelligence

Perfect candidates as government workers. Or shall I say, even better (because they don’t have a face that frowns…)

But now, we have a problem. We need construction workers, not government workers. We need those Indons that can climb I-beams without safety gears and someone for our cops to shoot at. These slugs are just too slow to do all that and we need to build more world’s tallest/largest/widest/longest/motherfuckest architectures! What should we do ?

There’s only one solution. We relinquish the current government workers off their job and make them hard laborers. It’s much easier to train those bunch of vegetation with limbs than that bunch of marine slugs (marine slugs are better as government workers, remember ?). This is to control the loss at its minimum level (our Board of Directors often refer this act as “control handsome”)

1) replacing government workers with slugs – minimum impact, as both species are sharing almost the same characteristics.
2) current government workers – they have hands and legs which they seldom use … are at least better than those slugs who aren’t really suitable for construction jobs.

So, don’t be surprised if you happen to see slugs start showing up at your nearest income tax office … they’re our new government workers’ replacement.