the serpent
I do not know if this is just me or is this occurring on other guys as well. It seems that each time I wake up in the morning (or sometimes, in the middle of the night) to take a whiz, I will always miss the target. I do not know why.
Yeah I know, this problem is usually attributed to the mysterious hard-on that we guys get whenever we wake up from a deep sleep. Usually, I’ll just need to tilt myself little towards the front to aim my rock hard dick pointing down at the puddle of water in the bowl… and pee away.
Sounded kinda simple, right ? But no, my rebellious serpent would always gush my bladder content out in an unpredictable forceful torrent of piss (everytime), that it bolted me off my position; shooting the piss either out of the bowl onto the toilet floor, or onto the rim itself. And if it’s happening in the middle of the night, it would take a frustrating effort of adjusting my still shooting stream of piss back on target - which usually, would end up spraying the whole toilet seat with my piss before finally hearing the plopping sound of piss-hitting-the-waterpuddle (since I couldn’t see in the dark).
What’s more frustrating, is that I’ll have to spend the next minute or so cleaning the whole toilet bowl with water, in order to save myself some gripes from Emily (let’s not even mention the toilet seat conflict that we always have…).
It just baffles me everytime. I’ve been pissing with the same dick for like, 28 fucking years ?… and yet, I don’t seem to be able to control part of it’s function. And I don’t think marksmanship is the factor here. It’s that rebellious serpent.
(Girls, if your boyfriend/husband pisses all over the place, please be considerate to not scold/nag him. It’s not his fault. Just clean/ignore the toilet, and make no trouble out of it)
HAha, i guess it happens. But luckily for me i’m able to swith my position quickly enough before the piss erm, goes out of target?.
Duude, not switching the toilet lights on is just plain… dumbass aint it?
How about a video to illustrate it better? Remind me to check out my partner/husband of 18 years how he manages every morning.
haha, this problem also occuring to me…sometimes we need to pull back the serpent a bit before we shoot to the toilet-bowl (a bit 18SX element here~)
A urinal will solve your problem dude.
Mike, look on the bright side, at least u guys dun have to clean up your ‘thing’ leh. Just a few shaking will do, right?
Michael, does those low voltage, energy saving lights occur to you as an investment for your toilet midnight rendezvous?
So true, so true.
As I do not like to wear under when I go to sleep, I always have this problem of hard-on when I wake up to piss. As the toilet is outside of my room, I gotta make sure no one see my you-know-what when I rush to the toilet
ehhh.. you make the mess, you clean it up lah… apasal ask your gf / wife to clean it (we can’t ignore it so thats out of the question.. hehe)
I cant believe that people acctually comment on this. What a discussion.Well that includes me actually.
dumb suggestion, but try squatting a little, bending your knees maybe, so that the distance to the toilet is closer. Won’t go off target so easily kwaa..
zero - But there’s still some spill right ?
silencers - You don’t actually believe that switching on the lights would make yourself ‘brighter’, do you ?
lilian - Your husband only 18 years old meh ? 30 years ago ?
human-being - Yeah, control it and stuff.
tiuniasing - Tell me something I don’t know.
joez / elphinestone - Eh, read carefully lar, I clean up everytime, ok ?
EF - The question isn’t the cost. I just love doing things in the dark…
kenjiro - Actually, nobody wears their underwear to sleep. It just ain’t right. I mean, the smell.
haha - Well, believe it.
k3ng - The best way is doggy style. Stand facing away from the bowl (both feet by the bowl’s side so that the bowl is right below your crotch). Put both your hands down touching the floor (front of the bowl). Pee.
erm… why not try “sittin down” and pissin? u might have to bend ur body back abit so ur dick wont touch the bowl but it works. saves the freakin hassle of tryin to clean off the piss…
haha..cant believe you blogged about this. The worst is after you have had a romping night and then had to take a piss in the morning. The general shoots everywhere. Like in Me, Myself and Irene when Jim Carey wanted to take a leak after night of shagging and shot upwards. It has happened. Imagine cleaning the ceiling. BALLACKS!!!
Hey mike, since you post about this, I got a Q which I’ve long wanted to ask guys. Is it true that after guys pee, as long as dun touch the KKC, would not wash hand??? I’ve ask a few guys before, and they didn’t deny it. *ewwwwww*
Worse than that is the deadly split piss effect..
When you wake up from a night of fun, all crusty in the morning with your eyes stuck together, seems like the one eye in your trouser snake is stuck together too and the piss comes in 2 direct streams, one of which may end up aiming where it’s supposed to, but more often than not..it doesn’t.
The miscreant piss always seems to end up on your leg too…fucking serpent…has a mind of it’s own.
1 good tip though, if you have that massive boner, and you really need to piss, just stick your dong in the sink and let it rip.
Works a treat.
shan - If you have a package as big as mine, you’ll know the sit-piss method won’t work (unless the toilet bowl’s as big as a dam)
monkey - Ceiling, that’s when you actually lie down flat on the toilet, right ? Well, you shouldn’t be lying there in the first place… hence, your piss still end up on the whole toilet bowl.
fish fish - I washes my hands alright, but I don’t wash the beast after draining it …
ST - Ooh… the infamous “forked piss” effect… that makes your serpent go ballistic and wet the whole toilet !
yeah what’s with the wake-up hard ons ah? i don’t get it. my bf will call me habitually in the morning, and then habitually tell me he has a humongous hard on.
and i’m like.
why the hell do i have to know this over the phone.
well.
get a bigger toilet bowl lor.
there.
oh yeah . btw… the last line was to illustrate that i did realise that your post was about mis-aligned water-shooting. but that hard-on thing struck a personal chord.
so… why is it like that???!!!! the hard-on i meant.
you might not want to approve this comment muahahaha.
well, that hard-on could be due to the sudden rush of testosterone level in a male body that usually occurs in the morning-ish
which is why sex in the morning is good
Though that might affect your working condition in the office…ie fatigue/sleepy etc..
minishorts : why? dunno ler.. many possibilities.. dreams we dont’ remember perhaps? or else maybe its like this.. the brain haven’t wake up yet.. but the body wake up liao… hence.. “active”… or maybe its just that the best time to have a romp is during that time.. so body’s natural inclinations..
heck… who knows.. maybe doc can shed some light on this
It’s a very common thing, morning erection is due to the Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep as men will get erections in their sleep. Of course, men with erectile dysfunction do not apply. Google it up lar… :p
Of course you don’t get it. Pity him though, but nice of you to use the term humongous for compensation.
mike, don’t worry, you’re not doing anything wrong or have any faulty/leaky piping, especially since many of us guys here face the same problem too… maybe you could use a spittoon, I’m sure it fits your Loch Ness Monster*
*I’m sure that’s a legend :p
That’s nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) lar.
The serpent is controlled by two sets of nerve, the sympathetic one that inhibits it and the parasympathetic one that excites it. So during REM sleep when the sympathetic tone is turned off (in the locus coeruleus, a specific area of the brain stem), it gets excited. This occurs 4 to 5 times in the night.
Studies also show that this phenomenon occurs in female too, with labial, vaginal and clitoral engorgement when it happens.
And Mike, tell Emily the problem and she might be able to help you solve the morning stiffness problem before you hit the loo. Then she would get to enjoy, and also won’t need to clean toilet. One stone, two birds.
*run far far away coz Emily reads this blog too*
oh.
maybe i shouldn’t have expressed my curiosity about serpent behaviours.
ok. sorry. time to hide.