A few weeks ago, as I moped around one of the pirated DVD outlet in a local mall, my eyes suddenly caught a title that pretty much aroused my attention. It’s called “Saw”. No, not “I SAW my neighbour porking a buffalo’s ass”’s SAW… This SAW … means the blade with jagged tooth that we use to cut something up … like your mongoloid’s boss’s car bumper.

Pretty simple but nasty title. Sort of gave me an impression that it’s a movie about some psychotic dude going postal in a quiet neighbourhood with a chainsaw cutting up teenager’s tits and dicks, and make them into burgers or something. I took a look at it’s cover for a confirmation, fair enough, it was embellished with blood stains and screenshots of gore … and I immediately added it into my cart (there wasn’t actually any cart there but, just to give you an idea that I am on a pirated DVD shopping spree that day…) along with a few cool titles like Blade III and The Incredibles (as collection).

So how was that movie ? Hmmmm… below expectations. Like most modern horror movies, it has it’s fair share of lame plots. But overall, the concept and storyline is kinda unique by itself. The movie actually did not have any pissed off psychotic dude going postal in it. Instead, we have a calm & enigmatic character masterminding tricks and riddling puzzles for it’s victims (that encompasses assholes and dickheads like our bosses …) to solve… which if they fail, they’re gonna have to pay with a horrible death. Quoting one of the detectives in the movie - the villain didn’t actually kill the victims himself, but merely arrange for them to kill each other in a game of death.

Well, the movie focusses on 2 guys who got trapped in the latest version of the deathly game - whom both of them were shackled in a squalid looking toilet, clueless of what’s happening to them. Like an adventure game in the PC console, the movie would then bring you from plot to plot, how these 2 blur victims managed to uncover clues that was deceitfully laid towards their death for them… and their efforts to escape.

During one of the escape attempts, suddenly, the villain froze up the whole room with his magical time-stop spell (like those in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons) … and summoned some yellow-colored nasty little annoying critters to eat them up …. which they marauded the scene with an appearing/disappearing acts (teleportation spell ? holy fuck !) ..emitting high pitched squeaks as they menaced around … and then, my DVD player locks up and stopped.

Those nasty little critters are actually the common static errors you usually see when you got a fubar-ed disc (*fubar - fucked up beyond all recognition). Though I am a bit mad and cussed a lot during the bummer, I ain’t really complaining. Situations like this are very common for pirated DVDs … So, I got back to the outlet for an exchange, and only managed to finish that movie today.

Alright, having watched the remaining 30 minutes’ worth of ending, here’s what I managed to conclude about this movie

- the gore factor is only mediocre. Heck, I didn’t see any brain tissues or somebody’s bladder on this film … only blood. Blood is so cliche nowadays… the public’s craving for more.
- the storyline’s kinda tricky… full of flashbacks and tricky plots - which makes it …lame. Like I’ve mentioned before, horror movies shouldn’t focusses too much on storyline.
- the movie could have been better with a tit scene in it. Not really a compulsory but, as a bonus.
- they could have dumped in more budget for this film, hire more convincing actors. Like ‘The Rock’. Then chip in some scene of him breaking somebody’s head with a flick of his knuckles. (Not just some shitty actors crying like a sissy inside a toilet awaiting death.)
- the title’s a bit misleading. The only “saw” I’ve noticed in this movie is 2 metal blade saws… which was commonly used to cut galvanized steel pipes. One of the victims foolishly used it to cut his own feet - which I think, has nothing to do with the main plot of the film at all. This movie should be called “Sick Bastards” instead.
- the ending’s too brief and simple. It just showed that the real villain has all along been feigning as a corpse lying inside that filthy toilet disguised in a mask. He just got up and gave the remaining guy an “April Fool” look and closes the fucking door… and that’s it. Too simple. Even “Sesame Street” has got Big Bird and Elmo waving goodbye with melodramatic fading music.

It’s just another horror movie DVD for high school students.