March 30, 2005

the deranged side of me

Let’s face it, the world is becoming more fucked up. Most people would just pretend to be all noble and stoic about it. But it is a fact that we see things that pisses us off everyday … and sometimes, it can really get up your nerves to a point of a homicidal rage.

It could be the things that people do … or the way stuffs that turn out to look so wrong to you. Doesn’t matter. It just pisses you off. You feel like you’re on fire. You feel like screaming the smuttiest of profanity out loud to release. You get the idea.

These are some of those things (in no particular order) that makes me feel exactly that way …

1) Those motherfucking teenage retards that try to look cool in those nigger attires just pisses me off. I mean, it’s almost 40 degrees right here (anywhere) in Malaysia, and those kids are wearing thick oversized sweaters with wooly ear warmers trying to look like a rap star. They would also walk like a bunch of apes having a really bad condition of hemorrhoids and speaks with gesticulation of their peace signs pointing all over the place. Not to mention mimicking the slang they picked up from watching TV and wearing cheap plastic RM 5 per meter blings-blings they purchased from some departmental stores.

What is wrong with these people? Instigating a massive suicide of heatstroke? Or perhaps on a mission to promote prickly heats on their scalps for world peace?

2) Ever seen parents bringing their 5 year olds to a movie and absolutely have no backup plan or whatsoever if those little bastards happen to stir a ruckus inside it ? I’ve encountered that COUNTLESS of times. Those mongoloid parents would either
a) Just sit and enjoy their movie while their obnoxious son/daughter goes romping around shaking other patrons’ chairs
b) Parents themselves running together with their seemingly rebellious offspring around … creating more conflict within the cinema.
It just rapes you off your sanity. You feel like impaling the parents’ ass with a fire hydrant or something.

I do not know what were those cretins thinking. Why bring their 5 year olds to a movie ? Not that they know how to enjoy it or something. Five year olds and cinemas are ALWAYS A BAD COMBINATION. Doesn’t matter if it’s a cartoon or a muppet porn they’re screening. They’ll picket after the first 15 minutes (Unless the movie’s all about Barney the fucking purple disaster. Which would literally make them glue onto their chair … and screws your brain at the same time)

Next time if you decide to bring your 5 year old to a movie, make sure you bring along a duct tape and leash them up.

3) Those arrogant bastards on heavily modified Protons that speed at neck breaking speed everywhere they go. Be it on the way to purchase some eggs from a grocery store, or just drive to a nearest ‘mamak’ drive thru’ for a pack of ciggies – these hollow headed retards would beam their headlights, honk, show fingers or whatever necessary to get everyone out of their way … so that they can speeeeeeed. They can’t live without driving recklessly on the road and the next thing you know, they’re appearing in some government subsidized short documentary on television program as a cripple, promoting road safety campaign advising people not to follow their footsteps. Or just simply die as a road martyr, leaving behind heaps of high blood pressures and the bureaucracies of dealing with insurance claims.

Alright, maybe that’s pertaining a motorcycle. But hell, they’re just the same to me. I don’t care if you become a fucking cripple or die – it just pisses me off when you goddamn turn another road user’s car into part of your problem. If you want to speed and get accidents, make sure you hit a wall or a garbage truck, leave our cars alone.

4) Fat housewives alighting from an escalator, walk a step and fucking stop to chat with her fellow retarded housewife friend(s), right in the middle of the walkway. Due to their sheer size of terror, they automatically become a virtual roadblock in front of the escalator. And that’s when everyone has to involuntarily stack each other up before forcing themselves through that bunch of lardass housewives, traumatically chafing through their wretched gravity-worn saggy tits. (Excusing yourself through them won’t help. That’s because they’re so fucking loud themselves, that they don’t even know if there’s a train approaching).

Hello !? Get out of the fucking way. Bring your shitty conversation elsewhere. Garbage dump or anywhere. Just out of the walkway !

5) Did you happen to see that advertisement on TV featuring a cat or rabbit uttering some shitty insurance name ‘MAA’ ? Damn abominable isn’t it ? I mean, if they’re gonna ad an insurance policy or two on TV, why can’t they fucking do it properly ? They can show some idiot hitting a boner on a garbage truck with his heavily modified motorcycle (see point #4), and claims back a prosthetic leg through their insurance or something. That would make more sense to me as an insurance ad. But a talking cat/rabbit ?? What the fuck is going on here ?? What do cats/rabbits know about insurance ?? Paying the premium with their undigested excrement ???

Each time I see that advertisement, I so fucking feel like killing a cat.

If I don’t make any sense to you, just shut up.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 

29 Comments to “the deranged side of me”

  1. Seta says:

    Just for your information

    Mongoloid is the term for humans with asian ancestry, we chinese are mongoloids

    not some type of insult like you meant it to be =D


  2. michaelooi says:

    seta – Thanks for the info. Coincidentally, those parents I encountered are all Chinese. I guess that term still applies, insulting or not. :)

  3. infinitium says:

    yeah man.. WTF is going on with the fucking MAA cat/rabbit? Talk in a high pitch voice summore. Kanneh. That’s just wrong man.

    Every time I see that ad, I feel like playing touch football with the neighbourhood cat. Now if only an Ah Beng Proton speeds by at the exact same moment the cat flies across the car… kill 2 problems with one kick!


  4. Jayelle says:

    damn, michael. you’ll have to grab the kid who tries to shake your chair and shout loudly “whose &#$^%*& child is this?!!”. and then proceed to say something piercing to the parent of the child, loud enough for the entire cinema to hear.

  5. coppersnare says:

    Agree with point #3. Once a bloody joker flashed his lights telling me to go out of the way even though i was overtaking a few cars. Managed to squeeze in to give way for him, then I chased him for the next 5km with the high beam. Served that bugger right.

  6. iblogme says:

    HAHAHA. It is such a funny coincidence because the MAA advert irritates my sibling to hell, too. As for me, it just makes me cringe. And the jingle! Hmmpht. Pushing the boundaries of decent taste.

  7. Belacans says:

    someone, anyone, please save me! i was nodding in agreement to everything Mike was saying! help! help! ;)

  8. EF says:

    The wonders of influence of TV, Radio and Internet on today’s young mind.

  9. Chee says:

    Strongly agree with you! I went back 2 yrs ago and really don’t understand how could people wear sweater in such a hot weather??!! Idiots!
    I guess if those rap star started to wear down jacket, the number of heatstroke happen in Malaysia is gonna increase. :-/

  10. tsewei says:

    quote: “Unless the movie’s all about Barney the fucking purple disaster. Which would literally make them glue onto their chair … and screws your brain at the same time.”

    hee..technically, you really shouldn’t be there at a Barney movie screening to let them screw your brains. =p WHY would u even choose to watch a barney movie anyway?!? *horrors*

    teletubbies drive me mad too. bunch of creepy alien-looking things trying to educate kids but can’t talk proper.

  11. Primrose says:

    During my flight home, that stupid kid was right behind me, kicking my chair and playing with that darn tray. I was so irritated, I unfastened my seat belt in a huff, turned around knees on seat, gave a piercing look at the mother and bellowed “Can you ask your son to BEHAVE and STOP playing with that stupid tray? Oh and please change seats with your son so that he can KICK someone else’s chair?”

    *now that was a relief*

    And at the airport on the travel-lator/walk-a-lator (whatever you call it), there was this Ah Beng who was talking so loudly to this Ah Lian, wearing WINTER clothes (Hello? You are home, get it?), standing side-by-side.

    Me: *clear throat* “Excuse me”
    Benglian: *talking talking*
    Me: “EXCUSE ME, can you like stand on one side”
    Beng: *looked at me, looked at Lian* “Weh, hui oi meh yeh?”
    Me: *repeat myself* “Can you like STAND on one side *hand gestures* so that I can pass through?”
    Lian: “Kiu lei kei yat pin ah”

    Aiyoh ah piang! Please help!

  12. michaelooi says:

    infinitium – Actually, you can tie up a cat and dump it onto an expressway. You get to save some energy playing whatever-ball with that cat.

    jayelle – And make myself into one of them ? No way. I’ll probably pinch that little bastard (should he get near enough) till he goes purple and he’s gonna wail like mad. That’ll prompt the parents to do something … like bringing that wailing machine out of the cinema.

    coppersnare – You ought to jot down his number plate. Next time you see this car anywhere near your neighbourhood, make his paint wear off.

    iblogme – The guy who thought of that ad ought to be hung and shot.

    shrimp cake – Great minds think alike.

    ee fei – Bad influence.

    chee – They’re doing it for world peace. (although I don’t see any relevance in both)

    tsewei – That teletubies reminded me of those demons in Sam Raimi’s first instalment of The Evil Dead. Spooky shit.

    primrose – I usually refer that conveyor thing as “skywalk”. As for the Beng incident, next time, you could have just pretended that you’re gonna barf onto them or something… they’ll automatically dive to the side.

  13. suanie says:

    i feel you bro

  14. ken says:

    #2 – Haha, I think the parents want to look like old times. Go out dating like when they were young. Picture this, they were young, hugging each other; on the other hand, a 5 year old kid running at the backgound.

    #3 – Plain bad, someone should just flatten their tyres.

    #4 – In Malaysia, male come out at night on mamak stall or etc. and talk whole night. For female, pasar or etc. talk in the MIDDLE of the walkway.

    #5 – Not to mention talking GOLD FISH.

  15. zbjernak says:

    1) i saw one indian guy.. dressed as if it is winter ..and snowing in my campus…complete with the huge jacket, ski mask and seluar londeh… couldnt imagine the heat trapped inside

    5) reverse psychology perhaps….to attract viewer’s attention…and it succeded in your case

  16. elphinstone says:

    MAA advertisments suck BIG TIME.. from the stupid moon thing to this rabbit one.. UGH.. they never fail to make me go ‘WTF?!’ after their ad.

  17. SouthernLight says:

    Smart people are able to comprehend more, able to take into consideration more factors. The downside is that it also results in more worries and frustrations as well.

    Idiots on the other hand have limited intelligence hence they are limited capability to think of others well being or having curtesy to others. Which explains their screwed up behaviour. For these people, ignorance is bliss but because of that most can’t be successful as success usually require a minimum intelligence level.

    Like I said before, thank god that we have the intelligence to comprehend things that others can’t. Besides if everyone are smart, who would be our mechanics, road sweepers, toilet cleaners and etc. heck I don’t want to have to compete with smarter collegues. Easier to shine when surrounded by dim lights ;) ala job security.

    We always complain about these idiots but ever wonder whether people who are more intelligent than us would say the same to us?

    Frankly I’m also frustrated with these people but what to do as we need idiots as well. Besides a world without idiots, who would willingly join operation cannon fodder during war times? Cheers

  18. Shan says:

    Damn you’re funny! Totally spot on. Am so glad someone else thinks those nasty thoughts – and here I was wondering if there was something very wrong with me. :-)
    Right I’m adding you to my blog

  19. shanks says:

    not only do i hate barney and teletubbies, i hate spongebob square pants as well. i thought he was a cheese.

    another thing about stupid parents and their little menaces. i hate those stupid parents who bring their little kids to the cinema and not buying a ticket for them. what the fuck is that? those stingy cheapskates just put their kids on the seat beside them and act dumb. such stupid parents can also be seen in buses and ferries.

  20. michaelooi says:

    suanie – ~~oooh that tickles…

    ken – I think there’s a talking clock or kite as well, couldn’t be bothered to remember them all.

    zbjernak – Attract viewers’ attention. Riiiiight. In a negative way. I ain’t gonna buy any MAA insurance. They can approach the rabbits.

    elphinestone – I made a rough poll around my office. Guess what ? Everyone seems to hate that ad.

    southernlight – You have your point, though I may not entirely agree that it’s due to stupidity. I’ve seen intelligent people (doctors ? engineers ?) doing abominable acts. And if you’ve been observant, you may also notice there are plenty of stupid people holding high level management posts as well. Hence, I think intelligence is not the main factor here. It’s more like a mix from the ethical side.

    shan – I wouldn’t call that a nasty thought, but thanks for appreciating anyway :)

    shanks – And those kids would grow up to be just like them. To eliminate the problem from it’s source, I think we need to educate them parents first. Let’s cane them !

  21. stan says:

    i’m refering to #5; maybe MAA’s insurance don’t only cater humans but their pets as well.

  22. summer says:

    totally agree with you Michael on all your points.. but i really can’t stand parents bringing their kids to the cinemas…

  23. moo_t says:

    1. Just my opinion : Young men act stupid – as usual. If you can’t stand it, you are old. BTW, I can’t stand the stupid act too. ;)

    2. Kid in Cinema? Not in Klang Valley. ;) KL parents are so broke that they buy piracted VCD instead (or borrow from relatives).
    Don’t worry, Penang parents will be broke too, when PORR materialised, bwahahahahaa.

    3. Yeah… those Wira-lution (Proton Wira cum Evolution engine). Seldom see them behave like what you describe down here in Klang Valley. Perhaps too many real-sport-car here ;)

    4.Fat housewives only? You see more roadblockers when you on those “flat” escalator”. Roadblockers can be young couple, married couples, parents, etc. Some fall deaf even I shout “excuse me” behind them.

    5. I doubt the cat community advocate the mindless MAA ads. Spare the cat please.

  24. humphrey says:

    those people who drive their car fast with the high beam and big exhaust, can be killed or wht. if not at least u kick thir KKC…wait….wait..i have better idea. hw abt put an air bomb to the KKc and light it up?sure next time they dont even dare to drive the car anymore.
    yeah kids in cinema.jst make me headache. they shld just left their kids at hme. the parent not suppose to bring the kids into Cin.just influence their minded.

  25. cyber-red says:

    everyone, pls sign petition for having bikinis as casual wear..thank you =P

  26. michaelooi says:

    stan – It could be very well possible if our pets can converse in English.

    summer – I’ve seen parents bringing 4 – 5 kids (perhaps not their own) into the cinema before. It was a total chaos.

    moo_t – You have an interesting thought. But mine’s more interesting. XD

    humphrey – I think I know what you’re trying to say here.

    cyber-red – wicked weasels…

  27. pearl says:

    LOL… this post reminded me of a quote I heard some time ago.

    “Some people are alive simply because it is illegal to kill them.”

    Oh well, I’m sure you guys heard of this before =)

  28. SouthernLight says:

    I do agree that there are even Mensa members who act like ultra jerks. You can be smart and have the ability to comprehend doesn’t mean your behaviour / attitude / morals compliments it.

    Intelligence also covers emotional intelligence (EQ) which also includes empathy. These idiots mainly lack this EQ factor. Hence having managers with high IQ who also act like idiots as well.

    There are also low IQ people with good morals (better EQ). So my reference to intelligence mainly points to EQ for better accuracy in explaining my reasoning.

    Thanks man.

  29. michaelooi says:

    pearl – nothing is illegal until you’re caught. I learnt this somewhere.

    southernlight – never thought so much about the EQ thingy… learnt something today. :)

The commenting function has been closed.