When I was having lunch with my colleagues today, I blathered about some lunatic dude (no, not that everyday kinda lunacy, but the REAL mental type…) who used to roam around my old residential area many years ago. And that, somehow triggered a string of flashbacks in my brain… about those lunatics that I’ve encountered throughout my life. They somehow made me thought of wanting to blog about them …
Lunatics that I’ve encountered in my life
Who? : Gimme One Dollar guy. Nick given by me.
When? : between 1990 and 1998.
Where? : Air Itam, my second residential (as mentioned above).
Looks? : Male. In his 30′s. Skinnier than a dehydrated cadaver, with thick spiraling spectacles.
Characteristics? : Failed uni paper, cuckoo-ed his brain. Speaks proficient English. Hangs out around an Indian newspaper stall flagging up motorists begging for “a dollar”. “Gimme one dollar” he would say. Would never accept anything else except “a dollar”. If he is refused or given something else, would go ballistic shouting Hokkien profanities, and walks off nonchalantly to another motorist to repeat act.
Hostility? : Harmless. He’s harmless.
Who? : Bruce Lee
When? : early 90′s.
Where? : around the city of Penang.
Looks? : Male. Partially torn pants. Topless. Disheveled long hair.
Characteristics? : Celebrity madman. Everyone seems to know about this guy. He would saunter around like an arrogant Hong Kong triad boss, stops every 5 seconds interval to perform kungfu stance – eg. pummeling up his invisible enemies, flying kicks, quick punches and uppercutting elbows. Pause. Continue to walk and repeat process indefinitely.
Hostility? : Looks savage but harmless. Any mother in law could take him down anytime.
Who? : Cherrie Chung. Nick given by my mom
When? : mid 80′s.
Where? : Air Itam, first residential.
Looks? : Female. 3 “O” category – old, obese, odoriferous. Thick “makeup”.
Characteristics? : Lives in an illusion seeing herself as pretty. Paints her own face with odd items as makeup – eg. red dyes from josstick stems or Taoist paper money. Catwalks everywhere she goes and acts as if there are a thousand men ogling at her. Fact – men run helter skelter when she’s in vicinity because of her repugnant odor. *I once accidentally caught a whiff of her BO, and actually threw up in a nearby drain. I can’t really describe how it actually smelled like, and do not wish to think about it ever again.
Hostility? : Her odor is deadly. She herself is harmless.
Who? : Wong Fei Hung. Nick given by my mom
When? : mid 80′s.
Where? : Air Itam, first residential.
Looks? : Male. Looks like guy next door – normal.
Characteristics? : Used to be a religious medium that went mad without reason. At a glance, one won’t be able to tell if he’s a mental… but when he speaks, anyone will be able to instantly tell that nothing is right with his brain. Roams around to play with kids. Eats leftover food from all over the neighborhood. Kinda disliked him as a kid because he once stole my cup of Horlicks and poured it into his mouth. *Latest news I heard about him was about 10 over years ago, where he actually jumped to his death from his low cost apartment after telling his mom that he wanted to kill himself, which, his mom ignored him thinking that he was just uttering some nonsensical stuffs as he always did.
Hostility? : Harmless. Only hostile to himself.
Who? : The Vulgar Lady. Nick given by my mom
When? : mid 80′s.
Where? : Air Itam, first residential.
Looks? : Female. Skinny, sunken eyes, witch looks, middle age.
Characteristics? : Homeless loco lady that has an unbelievable trait of cussing in profanities. Would cuss at anything – people, dogs, cats, concretes, rocks, plants, you get the idea. *I would rate her as the scariest lunatic I’ve ever seen … and would often bail off when she’s nearby.
Hostility? : She looked hostile, sounded hostile and had an aura of hostility around her. But she had never hurt anyone before (not that I know of)
Who? : Ah Soh (as in Cantonese’s “crazy”)
When? : mid 80′s.
Where? : Air Itam, first residential.
Looks? : Female. Petite. Middle age. Sleepy eyes with crossed sight. Always in her pajamas everywhere she goes.
Characteristics? : She looks ideally like how a mental patient should look like. Even if she’s supposed to be normal, it’s really impossible to even make a person believe that she’s not crazy. Usually roams around the street hugging a doll or a teddy bear, talks and giggles to herself. Keeps coins inside both her hind ears, as big as a Malaysian 50 cents coin.
Hostility? : She’s harmless alright.
Who? : Tua Lam Par (big testicles in Hokkien)
When? : early 80′s.
Where? : around the city of Penang.
Looks? : Male. In his 30′s. Torn clothes. Wax-like hair due to deposition of filth.
Characteristics? : This guy walks like a crab – as if there’s something real big in between his legs. Every now and then, he would pause to smack his own crotch. Sometimes, would use a sling bag or something to do the smacking.
Hostility? : Harmless… but extremely smelly.
Who? : Eddie
When? : through my primary schooling years (he’s my classmate)
Where? : my school.
Looks? : Male. about my age. Shaven bald, slightly obese.
Characteristics? : Not an actual lunatic but has mental problems. Would roam around school terrorizing other students – spits at them, smears shit at them, hooting school teachers. Once spat at me and I kicked his ass so hard that I was automatically exempted from his shenanigans from then onwards. Would sometimes climb up to school rooftops and perform insane stunts to impress other students.
Hostility? : Harmless.
Who? : a random lady at a public bus station
When? : 1992
Where? : airport (fool, PUBLIC BUS STATION … see above)
Looks? : Female. Middle age. mushroom hairstyle, flower dress, thick glasses, umbrella.
Characteristics? : Roams around bus station talking to herself. Looks like a goddamn housewife, except she’s haywired inside her brain. Once walked up to Charles in pretense of asking something, and suddenly slapped him.
Hostility? : Mildly hostile with/without provocation.
Who? : a random lady in front of a roti canai stall
When? : mid 80′s
Where? : Air Itam, first residential.
Looks? : Female. mid 20′s. Nice figure. Face full of hickeys, buckteeth.
Characteristics? : Saw her only once. She was wearing an underwear with a T-shirt to a public food court and ordered a take-away roti canai. Stunned roti canai seller and rest of the patrons. Speaks and giggles by herself.
Hostility? : Depends. If roti canai seller operates heavy machinery, she would then be extremely dangerous.
Plenty more… which I couldn’t recall very well.
Observation : Some people wouldn’t go crazy until they reach middle age… so … be very careful. You might turn into one of them someday…
If I go crazy someday, don sympatize me, JUST KILL ME!
heh .. u remind me of my childhood.. used to live somewhere not far away from Super Dept Store (recently i learned that it became LaiLai or something and closed down after that ..)
I think I know the kungfu man, and the waxed hair man (he’s tall isn’t) .. there was another only with trousers and zip not closed .. these three marked my childhood in the 80s ..
Hey i had a classmate named Eddie too .. mental oso .. got sakit sawan .. don’t tell me u were my classmate ..
Hmmm… U remind me of Eddie. Wonder how’s he know. Must admit tat, sometimes, he did really make us laugh wif all the crazie stunts albeit a little crazy though….
Still remember the bus stand lady where she asked charles to lend her some money to go back home in which charles gave her the money only to realise that she’s crazy…. :D
saintis kreko :O u studied somewhere in farquhar st ??? :O
arrghhhhh .. nooooooooooo
pls pls pls .. don’t tell me u are my classmate .. hahaha
ok .. let see.. if i remember well .. Eddie’s name should be Eddie L.H.L and if you think it is the same .. then we go to the second step ..
w00t ..
just realized that MichaelOoi is born 1977 …
*speechless*
U’d blogged the top 10s but still plenty more?
Hmmm..u not only keep encountering with those strange chicks on ICQ but also lunatics.lol.=P
Or is it Penang have more lunatics than other states?
Mike,i think u must be extra careful.U are going to reach middle age soon & are in the risk of turning into lunatic.
Who knows…maybe 1 day,when i go to Penang,there’s a guy in torn clothes & waxed hair,walking like a crab,approaches me & says “Gimme 100 dollar”.When i refuse,he’ll shouts “Fuck U”.Then,i’ll know that’s u,Mike.Haha…
fooyo, is life in penang way stressful?
KID – how would you like it ? violent or silent ? hehehh..
saintis kreko – no doubt we’re classmates. fuck… what a small world. If you remembered well, there’s only 2 Ooi’s in your class. I’m the more handsome one,…. kih kih kih …
Dude, tell me your first name, and I’ll know who you are …. Amin ? Syed ? Azhar ?
ricky – where’s my sound system ? makahai…
tEo – if i became crazy someday, I will be wearing a cape and a batman mask … and go around the neighbourhood terrorizing housewives. No shit.
ags – i guess so … but then, the number of stray lunatics in Penang has gradually decreased in the recent years …
Did you missed out the “Olympic Runner”? He was notorious around Penang, holding a rose like an oylmpic torch and just runs.. to whereever. I saw him a few times on the streets, always running.
Mike, you better be careful… you are surrounded with “interesting” people that the possibility of you joining them might be higher :p … hiaks hiaks hiaks…
hflee: yeah, saw that guy before. the Rose guy. heheh…
I don’t see many lunatics in Butterworth area, but Penang has plenty of it.
I think i saw the Cheerie Chung, often found her wandering around Esplanade area, but it was in 1990s.
i think i saw the Big LP man before! :P
eh, have you ever seen this chinese old lady roaming around komtar? she always carry an umbrella one.. and will not hesitate to use her umbrella to hamtam any passerby when she feels like it.. :P
also, another topless man (who can be seen all over penang… he walks non stop one) wearing only black pants and his hair look like cowdung one… i have seen him at places from komtar to jesselton right up to sungai nibong :P (dunno if this is the big LP man you’re refering to?)
hflee – Olympic runner … i think i saw him once, but the memory has faded … but now that you mentioned … yeah .. vaguely.
misty – heheheh… i’m already 50% through my journey. hiaks !
kancil killer – she ranks right ? if you puke after taking a whiff off her, then no doubt, it must be cherrie chung.
elphine – eh, the umbrella lady you mentioned, is the same lady that slapped my friend Charles lar … also the same one that Ricky mentioned above. We were all there when it happened. Geez … that was many years ago ….
About the TuaLamPar guy … I don’t know if it’s the same one you saw … coz they friggin’ look the same with all that rags and waxed-like-a-chump hairstyle.
for me the scare part is would be how damn normal they all look….act like normal people we meet in public places, until they start to show their ‘craziness’
damn….like i experienced once in the feeder bus
one guy in his mid 40′s sat opposite me(stupid design of the new bus that day), say hi and ask basic Qs and I answered him briefly (just to be polite) then he start ‘merepek’ and singing song…specialy dedicated to me!!
i was stunned and couldn’t stop blaming myself. can see how others tried to control their laugh.
the worst part would be the bus stucked in the jam
for more than one hour. alamak…sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga!
lost count how many songs and sad stories that he had sang and told.
but luckily the guy didn’t follow me after we reached the lrt station…what a great relief *phieww*
*LOL* Yes, many Bruce Lees around. I call them ‘Prin-ster-X-ter’. Why? Because once, my parents walked past one of the Bruce Lees and he was mumbling English (?) words: Prins-ter, X-ter, Doc-ter, Teach-er.
dean_dang – hahahh..i thought you girls (i presume you’re a female) like it when guys sing to you ? hahahhh .. this is friggin’ hilarious !
primrose – prinster-axe-ster … now that makes a good nick.
Saintis Kreko – I think you’re Syed. Coz from your blog, i reckoned that you know french… and you’re in Europe.
Last I heard about you, was that you’ve moved to Paris or something.
You said you lived near Jln Burmah right ? That beige/orange colored stretch of houses with lushy green trees at it’s front lawn …. right ?
And there’s once …our Maths teacher (Mr John Lim) ridiculed you for wandering around in that Super Burmah Departmental store in your PAJAMAS !!!! Right ? Right ? Hahahhhhhh ! SYEDDDDDD !!!!! LONG TIME NO SEE LER BRADER ! Email me ! Email me !
(I’m the naughtiest boy in your class, you should know who I am)
*Gosh .. I can’t believe that my LUNATIC post actually paved a way for this unexpected rendezvous with an old friend … simply unbelievable… beauty of blogging indeed…
wow, if syed had been a girl and a childhood sweetheart, this could really had been something out of a japanese soap opera.
when i was growing up in malacca, on my way to school every morning, i used to see a nude homeless man with jamaican hairstyle cutting his pubic hair with a huge pair of scissors. i didn’t had any (pubic hair) at that time so i didn’t give it a second thought.
now that i think of it, what the heck, can grow so fast-meh? crazy …
Hey mickey san, I’m learning a lot of expression words today. Arigatou!
hahahahaha … what a small world indeed ..
furthermore this is the first time i read your blog !
i heard the John Lim is no longer in this world .. is that true ?
to be continued by email lah ..
hahha, such small world…good for you two.
Now you can both talk about the crazy stuffs … reminiscing the old times..
* Sing *
… It’s a small world afterall…
It’s a small, small world…
Don’t chit chat till you forget the faithful us lah, k? ;D
Oits, remember when both of you communicate in email, include me too ya…. wanna catch up wif you, syed, too….
If my memory served me right, I think michael and I should know you starting fr Standard 1Biru till high school ?? Errr, and u r quite tall, if not, the tallest among all the classmates….
Hey, you all hah, want to e-mail, go e-mail. But don’t e-mail until you forget about your readers.
shanks – mannnnn … that’s disturbing !
fish fish – then you got to teach me some japanese too … heheh
saintis kreko – yeah, he croaked of cancer many years ago.
Jr – yeah man… totally unbelievable.
misty / alphonse – have i ?
ricky – you’ve got mail.
John Lim of St. Xavier’s?
He used to be my teacher.. and tuition teacher. Last I heard he got TB.
yups . that john lim ..
ok ricky, u’ll get an email very soon .. just came back from office lah .. it is midnight .. if too tired tonight, will right tomorrow ..