During lunch with the BOE’s today, I blathered something about a lunatic dude (no, not that everyday kinda lunacy, but the REAL mental type …) that roams around my old residential area many years ago. And that, somehow triggered a string of flashbacks in my brain … about those lunatics that I’ve met throughout my life. They somehow, made me thought of wanting to blog about them …

Lunatics that I’ve encountered in my life

Who ? : Gimme One Dollar guy. Nick given by me.
When ? : between 1990 till 1998.
Where ? : Air Itam, my second residential (as mentioned above).
Looks ? : Male. In his 30’s. Skinnier than a dehydrated cadaver, with thick spiraling spectacles.
Characteristics ? : Failed uni paper, cuckoo-ed his brain. Speaks proficient English. Hangs out around an Indian newspaper stall flagging up motorists begging for “a dollar”. “Gimme one dollar” he would say. Would never accept anything else except “a dollar”. If he was refused or given something else, would go ballistic shouting hokkien profanities, and walks off nonchalantly to another motorist to repeat act.
Hostility ? : Harmless. He’s harmless.

Who ? : Bruce Lee
When ? : early 90’s.
Where ? : around the city of Penang.
Looks ? : Male. Partially torn pants. Topless. Dishevelled long hair.
Characteristics ? : Celebrity madman. Everyone seems to know about this guy. He would saunter around like an arrogant Hong Kong triad boss, stops every 5 seconds interval to perform kungfu stance - eg. pummeling up his invisible enemies, flying kicks, quick punches and uppercutting elbows. Pause. Continue to walk and repeat process indefinitely.
Hostility ? : Looks savage but harmless. Any mother in law could take him down anytime.

Who ? : Cherrie Chung. Nick given by my mom
When ? : mid 80’s.
Where ? : Air Itam, first residential.
Looks ? : Female. 3 “O” category - old, obese, odoriferous. Thick “makeup”.
Characteristics ? : Lives in an illusion seeing herself as pretty. Painted her own face with odd items as makeup - eg. red dyes from josstick stems or Taoist paper money. Catwalk everywhere she goes and act as if there were a thousand men ogling at her. Fact - men ran helter skelter when she’s in vicinity because of her repugnant odor. *I once accidentally caught a whiff of her BO, and actually threw up in a nearby drain. I can’t really describe how it actually smelled like, and do not wish to think about it ever again.
Hostility ? : Her odor is deadly. She herself is harmless.

Who ? : Wong Fei Hung. Nick given by my mom
When ? : mid 80’s.
Where ? : Air Itam, first residential.
Looks ? : Male. Looks like guy next door - normal.
Characteristics ? : Used to be a religious medium that went mad without reason. At a glance, one wouldn’t be able to tell if he’s a mental … but when he speaks, one would figure out that nothing was right with his brain. Roams around to play with kids. Eats leftover food from all over the neighborhood. Kinda disliked him as a kid because he once stole my cup of Horlicks and poured it into his mouth. *Latest news I heard about him was about 10 over years ago, where he actually jumped to his death from his low cost apartment after telling his mom that he wanted to kill himself, which, his mom ignored him thinking that he was just uttering some nonsensical stuffs as he always did.
Hostility ? : Harmless. Only hostile to himself.

Who ? : The Vulgar Lady. Nick given by my mom
When ? : mid 80’s.
Where ? : Air Itam, first residential.
Looks ? : Female. Skinny, sunken eyes, witch looks, middle aged.
Characteristics ? : Homeless loco lady that has an unbelievable trait of cussing in profanities. Would cuss at anything - people, dogs, cats, concretes, rocks, plants, you get the idea. *I would rate her as the scariest lunatic I’ve ever seen … and would often bail off when she’s nearby.
Hostility ? : She looked hostile, sounded hostile and has an aura of hostility around her. But she has never hurt anyone before.

Who ? : Ah Soh (as in Cantonese’s “crazy”)
When ? : mid 80’s.
Where ? : Air Itam, first residential.
Looks ? : Female. Petite. Middle aged. Sleepy eyes with crossed sight. Always in her pajamas everywhere she goes.
Characteristics ? : She looks ideally like how a mental patient should look like. Even if she’s supposed to be normal, it’s really impossible to even make a person believe that she’s not crazy. Usually roams around the street hugging a doll or a teddy bear, talks to herself and giggle. Keeps coins inside both her hind ears, as big as a Malaysian 50 cents coin.
Hostility ? : She’s harmless alright.

Who ? : Tua Lam Par (big testicles in Hokkien)
When ? : early 80’s.
Where ? : around the city of Penang.
Looks ? : Male. In his 30’s. Torn clothes. Wax-like hair due to deposition of filth.
Characteristics ? : This guy walks like a crab - as if there’s something real big in between his legs. Every now and then, he would pause to smack his own crotch. Sometimes, would use a sling bag or something to do the smacking.
Hostility ? : Harmless… but extremely smelly.

Who ? : Eddie
When ? : through my primary schooling years (he’s my classmate)
Where ? : my school.
Looks ? : Male. about my age. Shaven bald, slightly obese.
Characteristics ? : Not an actual lunatic but has mental problems. Would roam around school terrorizing other students - spitting at them, smearing shits at them, hooting school teachers. Once spat at me and I kicked his ass so hard that I was automatically exempted from his shenanigans from then onwards. Would sometimes climb up to school rooftops and perform insane stunts to impress other students.
Hostility ? : Harmless.

Who ? : a random lady at a public bus station
When ? : 1992
Where ? : airport (fool, PUBLIC BUS STATION … see above)
Looks ? : Female. Middle aged. mushroom hairstyle, flower dress, thick glasses, umbrella.
Characteristics ? : Roams around bus station talking to herself. Looks like a goddamn housewife, except she’s haywired inside her brain. Once walked up to Charles in pretense of asking something, and suddenly slapped him.
Hostility ? : Mildly hostile with/without provocation.

Who ? : a random lady in front of a roti canai stall
When ? : mid 80’s
Where ? : Air Itam, first residential.
Looks ? : Female. mid 20’s. Nice figure. Face full of hickeys, bucktooth.
Characteristics ? : Saw her only once. Wore an underwear with a T-shirt to a public food court and ordered a take-away roti canai. Stunned roti canai seller and rest of the patrons. Speaks and giggles by herself.
Hostility ? : Depends. If roti canai seller operates heavy machinery, she would then be extremely dangerous.

Plenty more… which I couldn’t recall very well.

Observation : Some people wouldn’t go crazy until they reach middle age… so … be very careful. You might turn into one of them someday…