February 28, 2005

I was a great teenager

Dumb/evil/obnoxious/eccentric/whatever things I did when I was a teenager (that I have yet to blog about):

– Pillion-lifted my cousin and sped at 60kph the first time I rode a motorcycle (my father’s old 70cc Honda). When I reached a dead end, I figured that the rickety bike didn’t have a good brake and I panicked. My quick witted cousin jumped off the bike… and I followed suit – just in time before the bike went into a big ass drain. The wind guard was completely wrecked but incredibly, nothing else was damaged. I later spent about 30 over minutes to tape up the broken pieces back together (to deceive my father) before I snuck home. He found out about the accident the next day and I got a good scolding from him.

– Turned to my desk partner that sat next to me and showed him my ripened zit. While he was looking at it, I immediately squeezed that zit … shooting the pus almost hitting him. He was quick enough (or was he just lucky?) to avert that “biological missile”. Else it would have been one hell of a story to tell.

– Excused myself out of the class (together with the bunch of BODs) during some of our boring lessons (eg. BM, Geography, History, etc) by bluffing the teacher that we’re going to the “book archive” store to help out arranging and repairing those government loan textbooks. But then, we weren’t actually “repairing” books there. We were organizing an illegal gambling den inside the store. It was a clandestine operation until one day, we were caught by a teacher who paid a surprise visit to the gambling den store. Since that teacher himself was some sort of a pussy, he actually let us go with only some verbal warning.

– Made a wheelie with my father’s brand new Kawasaki 150cc bike, apparently forgotten that I had a friend pillion riding behind my backseat. The wheelie went so high, that my friend slid down the damn bike … causing him to run on his feet to catch up. Realizing the boner, I quickly clamp back the clutch, causing the bike to lose power abruptly and had its front wheel crash back down again. Because that bike was kinda high at its rear … the touch down sort of made the hind seat to lift back up in such a force that it catapulted my friend up in the air for about half a feet … before landing down on the back seat again. It was hell of a goofy but awesome act … but my friend was totally unimpressed about the whole thing.

– Saw some movement of shadows coming from beneath our school toilet booth door. Figuring that nothing should be moving if someone were supposedly taking a dump, I suspected something amiss… and poured some water underneath the door, revealing a pool of reflection of some dude wanking inside the toilet booth. I then hooted out loud to that guy and sprinkled some water into the booth before fleeing.

– I opened up some bloke’s schoolbag and snuck a piece of rock (about the size of a full grown flowerhorn fish) into it. Without suspecting anything despite the addition of weight, the guy later took his bag and ascended the schoolbus.

– When I got my mountain bike at 13, I tried to emulate those x-treme bicycle tricks – especially the stoppie stunt (opposite of wheelie, which is rear wheel up by braking hard). Realizing the brakes weren’t giving enough force to jam up the front wheel for a good stoppie, I clutched the damn brake hard with BOTH my hands while doing a fast ride…. and of course, with 2 hands at one handle, I did not get myself a stoppie. I lost balance and crashed like a dork. That was very stupid indeed.

– I was playing “bruce lee” with a group of co-workers at Libra (my part-time work place during the holidays). Was doing the famous “big dragon swinging its tail” maneuver at my colleague Johnson … when the sandal I was wearing flew out from my foot and fell 4 storeys down the building into a narrow opening between adjacent block. My co-workers laughed so hard that it took them 20 minutes to regain back their composure to help me hoist up the sandal with a self made hook and line.

– folded some money effigy (goodies for the dead in Chinese superstition) and put it on my Libra colleague’s desk when he was away for lunch.

– Wrote some profanities or derogatory remarks on my fellow classmates’ chair (when they stood up) with a chalk in inversed form. When they sat on it, those markings would be imprinted on their green trousers … and everyone got to laugh at him.

– Spat at some Indian kids when my school bus began to move away from the bus station.

– Conspired to move a dead rat found inside my class into the schoolbag of a very annoying classmate which hailed the name “Kuprum Oksida”. (I was the lookout, while another Indian classmate of mine, “Raja Tetek”, was the one who moved the dead rat into his schoolbag). Kuprum Oksida brought the dead rat home and god knows what happened then. He never mentioned anything about the incident the next day.

– Conspired to piss into Kuprum Oksida’s schoolbag (again, I was the lookout and Raja Tetek did the pissing). Upon discovering that his books were wet, Kuprum Oksida went ballistic and shouted profanities at us for “pouring water into his bag”. He then took out all his piss-soaked books and dried it by spreading them flat on his desk (without realizing those were actually piss).

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 

16 Comments to “I was a great teenager”

  1. Primrose says:

    Wow, that’s like owning up to Judgement Day! :)

  2. Jason says:

    Wah,I wonder why Satan didn’t choose you as his sucessor.And I think Heaven most probably won’t approve your application. :bpbpb

  3. Din says:

    Obviosly Satan would want to leave a legacy, how can he if his successor is even better than him?

    Heaven would have a blacklist. Heheheheh

  4. ricky says:

    Hmm…. I still remember some of the acts and thinking back, it’s really wicked and bad…. ;)

  5. iblogme says:

    Your site should read “Historically 99.999% Evil”.
    Am glad that I don’t know you during my teenaged years. :P

  6. tEo says:

    omg!!!U r so eViL…!!!
    Guess there isn’t much great metamorphosis in u.From an evil kid to an evil teenager & now,an evil man!!!
    Really pity those classmates,schoolmates,tuitionmates & co-workers of urs.They must be hoping that they never know u though.
    But,come to think of it…u spiced up their lives.So,they shld thank u instead or else they’ll had a boring childhood.*wink*

  7. lol….here’s an idea for ur next blog

    how the hell did u guys come up with nicknames like Raja Tetek and Kuprum Oksida?

  8. Sir,

    You are a champion.

    Have a cold one on me.

  9. michaelooi says:

    primrose – what’s a Judgement Day ? heheh

    jason – who is Satan ? some rich guy that never knew how to wash his own socks ?

    din – you know, one of my teachers once quoted “why go to heaven when we have people like Madonna in hell ?”

    ricky – yeah man… those were the nostalgic days. Still remember what you did outside the school toilet when we’re having our night SPM revision ? heheh …

    iblogme – if you knew me (or rather, us .. the BODs), your life would probably be much more colorful today.

    tEo – heheh … I always like to share the truth … and let people to expect me as what I am. I just hate pretending to be someone.

    AuntyBiotech – I’ll think about it.

    monkey – I know, thanks.

    Oh yeah guys, just want to disclaim something – pls refrain yourself from promoting websites in my blog (commenting system)… because to me, that’s no different than a spam.

    If you think the link is so great that it would be a disaster if I didn’t check it out, would appreciate if you can email it to me personally instead … (hope you understand)

  10. buaya69 says:

    raja tetek! bwahahahaha! actually, i got a nickname which i dun wanna reveal – too embarassing. only the Le Coq gang knows. ;)

  11. Alphonso says:

    Buaya’s nickname is ‘Tai chek hau’ (Big Mouth). Special for him to kau-lui wan.

    BTW, I’m not the member of the Le Coq gang. Simply pakai hantam.

  12. michaelooi says:

    buaya – tiuuuuuu … tell ler, I promise I won’t laugh at you.

    alphonso – for one moment, I thought you’re his gang pulak . heheh

  13. Summer says:

    Michael, you were so evil then…. =)

  14. tEo says:

    Haha…i know!Mr.Buaya’s nickname must be “Raja KKC” since he’s laughing at Raja Tetek.

  15. Papi says:

    “…when the sandal I’m wearing flew out from my foot and fell 4 storeys down….”

    LOLOLOL!! :lol:

  16. Alphonso says:

    Buaya is too embarass to tell out his nickname. So I think they call him ‘Raja Kemaluan’. Hahaha…

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