February 24, 2005

I was a great kid

Dumb/weird/obnoxious/eccentric/whatever things I did when I was a kid :

– Whiffed on my then schooling elder sister’s highlighter. Realized that it has this really unpleasant odor, I muttered to myself… why my sister is so fucking stupid to buy something that reeks so bad … while damaging the tip by stabbing it on the cold hard floor repeatedly … before I threw it away.

– Whiffed on my then schooling sister’s Chinese calligraphy ink (kids love to whiff… accept the fact already). The ink reeked like a dog’s spit… and it smelled so bad that I actually puked. I muttered to myself, again, that my sister has got to be the most stupid person in the world. Hell… she would even buy a piece of shit if she could find some use of it. I poured half bottle of her ink into the sink.

– Dug up my sister’s stash of beauty magazines… and painted all the models’ teeth in black sections to make them look like they have a few missing teeth. Some, I would even add mustaches and beards… and would laugh out loud in tears by myself.

– Stole my mom’s expensive cosmetics for experiments. Poured a large amount of powder and mixed it with her facial toner. Topped it off with crushed lipsticks, foundation cream, and whatever stuff I could find from the kitchen and finally made myself some really gross looking piece of semi solid blue colored dough. With that dough, I shaped it into a really cool looking (blue colored) skull… and brought it to school to show it to my friends. My friend PukeMachine was the only person impressed with it. If I could recall correctly, that skull finally ended up at some Indian kid’s face (or was it inside his schoolbag? I forgot). Had a great laugh after that.

– Pressed a stretch of doorbells in the neighborhood with my cousins and fled right to the end of the street to witness a cool effect of pissed off neighbors coming out simultaneously from their houses.

– Climbed up some trees inside a church compound (Holy Spirit of Greenlane) with my cousins and mimicked the tarzan yell. We were so noisy that the pastor (or was it the pastor’s bitch? I forgot) came out and chased us away. We later snuck back into the compound and vandalized the pastor’s car (I think it was an old Fiat or something). Also knocked on his quarter’s door and fled.

– Scoured some closed stalls in the nearby market (with a bunch of my childhood friends) and found an unlocked cache of soda drinks in one of the cabinets. Like pirates who found hidden treasures, we took the liberty to plunder a few bottles of Cokes and fled. Didn’t bother to look for a tool to remove the bottle cap, we simply broke off the bottle spout and poured the drink directly into our mouth… partially soaking our clothes wet. (kids, don’t ever do this at home or anywhere… you might seriously injure yourself! We were stupid.)

– Tortured my sister’s life sized rag doll by using it as my martial arts practice dummy. I practiced on how to give a good kick and also how to punch correctly with it.

– Spat into my sister’s schoolbag, drinking bottle, her hair (when she was sleeping) and her belongings. She never found out about it…

– I would often model someone’s face (that I hate) with plasticine, and perform all kinds of torture on that model. Like gouging the eyes out, or perform a cross section right in the middle of a model head… and stitch the gash up to look like the Frankenstein monster. It was fun.

– Climbed up onto my cupboard door and swung horizontally on its hinges. The hinges eventually gave way one day and the entire door was ripped out of the cupboard. Got some beating from my mom after that.

– Gave my neighbor’s little daughter some awkward haircut and shocked her mom flat out. The mother later came to me and told me it’s ‘not alright’ to cut someone’s hair. Yeah right, explain barbers and hairdressers. (I was only 7)

– Played with my uncle’s razor at his residence (my mom was doing confinement for his newborn). Since I had nothing to shave (no whiskers, no mustache, of course no pubic hair – I was only 8)… I took one of my own eyebrows out. I laughed like a mad fuck before worrying about explaining the missing brow to my mom. I later made up a story that I scratched my brow with a knife when I was peeling onions (when helping out with her chores)… and accidentally shaved the eyebrow off. She never found out about the truth.

Will add more next time.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 

27 Comments to “I was a great kid”

  1. Lainie says:

    Well…I’ve shaved off eyebrows too, but I was smart enough to do my sister’s instead of my own :D I laughed too, practically ruined the beginning of her social life

  2. Jason says:

    Wah lau…Memang budak jahat ni!Betul betul budak jahat!Satan reincarnation ah?

  3. auyongtc says:

    ROTFstillLMAO! XD XD XD

  4. kimberlycun says:

    i made a kid touched me thigh, cried foul/rape/molest and threatened to tell his mom and me mom if he wont let me chop off a chunk of his hair….i had my fix

  5. Michael says:

    Boy, you sure were one hell of a bitch when you were a kid weren’t you? I cannot believe nobody killed you , you little shit. But I gotta admit, you do have a loyal following band of shit-eaters eagerly awaiting your next pooping session so they can lap it all up…

  6. Jr. says:

    Lol, u were very naughty!

    Darn, i can’t remember half of the bad stuffs i did when i was young…i need to recall some of them to have a good laugh. ;)

  7. michaelooi says:

    lainie – shaving is fun…you know. hehheh

    jason – if a boy sits around playing with dolls, that’s not normal.

    kimberly – that’s kinda cruel isn’t it ? Well, I’ve beaten up countless of neighborhood kids before, in pretense that we’re playing ultraman-monster conflict…

    michaelcode – and that explains a lot why you’re here in the first place, eh ?

    Jr. – Let’s just say, I’m a person that knows when to have fun … and lives to tell great stories about them.

  8. Kevin says:

    You must have disliked your sis back then hahahaha

  9. elphinstone says:

    hehe.. really funny ler..

    and yes, chinese caligraphy ink stinks, BIG TIME!!!! :P~

  10. fuchsialowe says:

    Sigh … Reminds me of my mischievous days. I remember once “breaking-into” the school canteen on a Saturday and had a free flow of soft and lots of ice cream. Hey they left the door locked, but it only took a hand to reach behind the grille to open it! Needless to say we all ended up with rather upset stomachs thanks to the ice cream and soft drink mixtures.

  11. MunKit says:

    devil betul.. your sister must have hated you a lot.. you sure she never go to bomoh and curse you ah :pP

  12. tEo says:

    ~lol~
    Ur behaviours remind me of my younger bro when he was in kindergarten althou he’s not that evil compared to u.I was the victim then.He tore my drawings(which were supposed to pass up)n put those joss sticks’ ashes onto my schoolbag.
    I ain’t stupid either cos i used my weapon-tears n he got a great beating from my mum.
    Since then,he’s scared of women’s tears.Muahahaha…=PpPpP
    btw,been reading ur blog for quite a long time but never comment be4.Ur blog rocks,man!!!

  13. zbjernak says:

    if only ur sis read this….so gross…all the spits…

    your mum believe u “scratched” it with knife when peeling onion???

    you guys were evil… the WORST thing i ever done…. was to ask my little cousin to go and smack the nest of bee and end up she kena stung…

    the next was to break the hip of my cousin’s barbie doll and blame it to the very same cousin who got stung… heheheh and none know i m the culprit!

  14. michaelooi says:

    kevin – no. i loved my sister very much. i did that to her because i liked her.

    elphinestone – i wonder what is it actually made of… some dog’s shit mixed with saliva ? And yet there are still some artists actually used their tongue to draw with these inks. Uggh

    fuchsia – that’s awesome. I tried breaking into my school canteen before… but the apek locked everything so, I’m not as lucky as you.

    munkit – i actually hated her more than she hated me. I’m having the advantage here.

    tEo – your younger brother is going to be a very successful person in future. Trust me.

    zbjernak – damn, and why would you even want to touch a barbie doll in the first place ? ? ? You’re a GUY.. dude !

  15. buaya69 says:

    buaya was a good boy, hence now i am a bad boy ;)

  16. shanks says:

    the spitting part is gratifying, no?

  17. michaelooi says:

    buaya – your definition of good boy can be quite different from what other people expect .. so …

    shanks – it was fun alright.

  18. Geez, can’t really remember what I did when I was a kid. But I did remember my cousin played with her father’s razor and end up shaving BOTH of her eyebrows. She look so funny without brows! Hehe. Anyway, just to tell you, I’ve been reading your blog for sometime back and it was great. Love it. =)

  19. fish fish says:

    Kekeke… you reminded me so much of my childhood. Did you get rotan at least once per 2 days? Waiting for the coming up…

  20. Primrose says:

    Talking about being a great kid, I loved catching those large grasshoppers and peel those wings off layer by layer – then, move on to those legs one by one. *snigger*

    I would ask another boy at kindergarten to visit the loo together so that I could demonstrate pee-ing while standing. LOL!

    Yeah, I was a great kid too! :p

  21. Primrose says:

    Chey, I just re-read that kindergarten bit and sounded like I were a pedophile. Don’t get me wrong aa! I was in kindy then!

  22. michaelooi says:

    s.princess – shaving eyebrows are fun. You should try it someday. :P

    fish fish – nope. Only once a while. My mom didn’t know so much about my mischief … only part of it. Like when I got teachers calling her up and spilled some beans.

    primrose – You were a great kid alright. I acknowledged that. heheh …

  23. Summer says:

    wah… you’re such a devil back then!! tsk tsk tsk… now, worse? :)

  24. RoSy says:

    All ur evilness is wayyyy nothing compared to the evilness of a devil that actually read his very own sister’s DIARY! Even weapon-tears cant repair the damage…*sob sob* that’s cruel man(to those who love reading other ppl’s diary)

  25. lilian says:

    Holy Spirit? Lucky the priest did not convert you! BTW, that is a priest ‘cos it is a Catholic church and priests cannot marry or have sex wan.

  26. michaelooi says:

    summer – now ? now i’m someone completely opposite. I read love novels and sing to plants.

    rosy – omg that’s so friggin’ evillllll

    lilian – perhaps. I couldn’t tell the difference coz I basically have zero knowledge about religion stuffs. heheh…

  27. bongkersz says:

    lol, that shaving the eyebrows part. i did that when i was f2, laughed at myself after doing that.. when my mom came back, teruk i kena scolded :( haha! hmm.. but after shaved your eyebrows.. the new one looks nice :P :P :P

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