Archive for January, 2005

January 16, 2005

idiot pedestrians

Many months ago, as I was driving one fine afternoon, suddenly, something bright bounced out from the side of the road. With a fast reflex, I jammed my brake hard, almost to the brink of locking my wheels. Sighing a breath of relief for not hitting anything, I quickly switched off my panic mode and scanned the situation.

It was a middle-aged obese housewife, holding an umbrella ambling across the street. She ambled in a real slow manner, swaying her lard filled ass to the left and right, while a score of vehicles (mine at the front most) were piling up behind her. Some were impatiently honking from behind, while myself was cussing for her ignorance.

After about 20 million years, she finally managed to get to the middle of the street, where there finally was sufficient space for my car to pass through. I then drove my car right by her side and honked real hard. That was a complimentary wake up call from me. She reacted with a violent jolt, which almost made her drop her bright red umbrella. I looked through my rear view mirror as my car was wheeling away and saw her holding up her fist in the air, waving, as if I’ve conned her 20 cents worth of vegetable deal gone bad. If I happened to be driving a garbage truck, I would have ordered to have her loaded into the compactor and have her shoved into the depth of the garbage cache. No shit.

This is one very good example of irrational behavior that has plagued our society. A typical Malaysian kind of ignorance which we see everyday. In fact, this isn’t the first time I’ve encountered people who thinks they’re invincible or something… walking with an attitude in the middle of the traffic risking accidents… totally disregarding the safety of other road commuters.

I mean, come on, crossing a road is one very basic thing that needs not to be taught. If you see cars, trucks or anything with wheels coming, DON’T CROSS. If you’re stupid enough to retort WHY to that advice… then take a knife, and stab yourself on the forehead – you’ll achieve the same result of getting hit by a car/truck.

Even if you’re very sure that it is safe to cross a road, do it fast. Run or caper across it, whatever suits you. That’s because crossing a road is more dangerous than taunting your mother-in-law with a bad attitude. You’ll never know if an automobile might be speeding at 100 kph towards your direction which you won’t even see it coming. You have no rights or absolute reason to take your own sweet time to cross the road. It just ain’t right.

Roads are made for vehicles to roll on, not for you to catwalk showing off your bodily assets (there’s always a pedestrian walk for you to do that).

If you want to kill yourself, go do it somewhere else. Don’t fucking wreck our cars.

michaelooi  | traffic shit  | 20 Comments
January 15, 2005

what is kiwi ?

It’s Rod again. Rod is a smart guy, but he has got this irregular ‘blurness’ syndrome that would sometimes hit him all of a sudden. I’m fortunate enough to have encountered it once… But last Friday, I can be considered ‘too lucky’ to have encountered it again.

My colleagues and I were discussing about fruits at that time, about my instinctive disfavor of melons and anything that resembled its texture – mushy and seedy like that (except tomatoes). That was when someone brought up the name – Kiwi fruit. (If you don’t know what’s a Kiwi fruit, go find yourself a toilet bowl, put your head into it, and flush).

Well, it was all healthy Kiwi discussion when suddenly, Rod came up with a question that pretty much stunned everyone

Rod : “Just curious, is Kiwi grown from some kind of plant or tree?”

There was a moment of silence there. Then I answered him,

Me : “Nooooo duuuuuude. Kiwi is actually a kind of dog’s scrotum. They’re harvested from the animal’s crotch and people just eat it as a fruit. Did you notice its hairy skin and all that? That’s dog hair…”

Rod : [blushes]

Me : “It’s a FRUIT, man. Where the fuck else do you think it could have grown from??”

Rod had certainly added something valuable into his cache of general knowledge that day.

michaelooi  | characters  | 9 Comments

SLE

Emily’s blood test revealed that she has SLE. A chronic disease that affects the skin and some body organs.

Might affect the kid. She was advised to abort the baby if it’s getting worse, which we’ll only get to know next week.

I just do not know what to think or how to react. If your god is listening, please pray for her and the baby.

*****

Update: I would like to thank those of you out there who would unselfishly and altruisticly prayed for me and my family. Appreciated that.

But then, I’ve always wanted to say this. Just, if you’re really praying for me, I would humbly ask you to do it within your thoughts. Please do not announce to the world that ‘something bad’ has befallen on me and my family. We’re actually on the road to recovery – it’s a positive thing. Not that we’re gonna die or something like that. I hope you would understand.

Recently, I’ve been getting some unknown visitors as well – and those visitors, had been sending me nasty mails cursing not only me, but my family members – which somehow, was involved because of their hatred towards my blog. One particular mail was sent with a content that was wild beyond a civilized mind would think of. Something that makes them no different than a deranged psycho that goes around mutilating children without mercy. I’ll save the details for decency’s sake.

I fully understand that the mail was intended to inflict full damage on my faith and feelings. But then, it didn’t. Instead, I felt disturbed that there is such sick individual in our society.

Well, sorry to disappoint you, psycho. My whole family’s doing way better than you had hoped for. I managed to find out about the cybercafe which you’ve sent the mail from (time, location as well), but do not worry. I won’t be banging your head next – coz I know, if you already have a sick mind like this, it’s the matter of time before you’re gonna ruin your own shit. You won’t get far in your life.

Just remember what you’ve mailed to me, and one day, when you set up your own family, think about it again. I hope you’re not a person who believes in karma.

michaelooi  | personal  | Comments Off
January 14, 2005

in good hands

Exactly 2 weeks ago, right at this moment, I was sitting beside Emily. Wrung a piece of wet towel, and placed it on top of her forehead. Then, I would soak it back in a bucket of water when it got warm… and repeated the whole process for the entire night. But that was only good enough to keep her rampant fever from soaring further up.

I remember saying this succinctly to her… “How I’d wish that I’m the one who had to go through all these instead of you…” to which, she only responded with a touch on my hand.

Today, I’ve been made to eat back my own words. I suddenly fell ill with high fever and had a migraine so intense that I almost couldn’t stand up and walk. That was when Emily came with her soothing hands, and did exactly what I’ve done for her a fortnight ago.

She wrung the wet towel, place it on my forehead and said “Dear, it’s my turn to take care of you … and you must promise me to get well soon”. I couldn’t have felt any better.

michaelooi  | 2-of-us  | 22 Comments
January 13, 2005

turmeric decorated adversity

Yesterday, when I was driving past a string of Indian newspaper stalls, my mom threw me a question inside the car …

Mom : “Do you know why some Indian ladies smear turmeric powder on their face?” [turmeric = kunyit]

Me : “No… why ?”

Mom : “As a sign telling everyone that they’re menstruating… ”

Me : “No way ! You serious ??”

Mom : “My ex-company’s Indian janitor told me…”

Me : “Well then, somebody please explain, why am I seeing some old grannies having their face smeared full of turmeric powder… they’re way too old to menstruate…”

Mom : “Hahahhh ! You’ll never know son, some old people can still give birth to babies. Ever heard of a 60 year old grandma giving birth to a healthy baby boy?”

Me : “That’s ridiculous! Who would want to have sex with a 60 year old granny??”

Mom : “Well, it actually happened.”

Guys, if you see any lady with a face full of turmeric powder, stay away from her. High risk of PMS radioactivity. Love your own life, say TAK NAK.

michaelooi  | dialogs  | 20 Comments