January 26, 2005

ex neighbors

*this is a continuation from yesterday’s post about abominable neighbors. excuse my mistakes, this post was made in haste rushing for a favorite show on tv …

Like I’ve always lamented before, I’ve never met a neighbor whom I would consider as ‘normal’. Ne-the fucking-ver. I have moved for approximately 5 times before settling down at my present unit… and out of all the 6 places, there was only 1 place which I favored most. Anyway, let’s run a little bit of a history check against myself …

1977 – 1980 Georgetown, Penang :
I was born at Macalister Road and lived near that area with my paternal family. It was a pre-WWII shop house residential… and my neighbors were all low income bunch of Chinese folks. I couldn’t remember most of my days there, but much later in my prepuberty years (10 – 13 years old), I would spend a lot of my holidays living there with my grandma.

Alright, my left neighbor, was a shrilly voiced middle aged housewife sporting beet red dyed hair. But the problem’s not with her. It was her daughters. She’s got 2 of them, the elder one was much older than me, and the younger one was of my age. The younger daughter was an annoying fuck (her name’s Jackie, if I’m not mistaken). She inherited her shrill voice from her mom and put it into bad use. You know, being all noisy, shouting, crying and I swear that I had seen her flash her lacy brown colored underwear a few times. I mean, can you believe that?? That bitch was trying to corrupt my innocent thoughts by showing me her nasty beaver…(though it was covered)

Jackie also kept a pet cat, that distributed a fairly abundant amount of natural fertilizers across the corridor… (those old pre-WWII shop houses actually had a long stretch of shared corridor). Never liked Jackie and her stupid cat.

My right neighbor? Whole family always wearing pajamas. Never seen them in any other garments before. Apart from that, they were considered as normal…

1980 – 1983 Queenstown, Singapore :
My father was assigned as an expat there… and our family moved along.

Couldn’t remember most of my neighbors, but I remembered their kids (heck, as a kid myself, my only concern would be other kid mates…). I remembered Simon… my neighbor’s son about my age – whom I used to wallop with my plastic sword and then he would run crying like a pussy back to his apartment. And the next hour, he would always come back to play again.

Wouldn’t consider him as an abominable boy, but he could get really annoying sometimes. Like when I did something real evil… or taught him to do cool stuffs like burning something up, he would brag it all out in front of our parents… where I would get a healthy amount of spanking…

1983 – 1990 Rifle Range, Penang :
The infamous Rifle Range flats. High density, low cost, ghettoish residential that was the favorite amongst prostitutes, gangsters, hitmen, loansharks, retired soldiers … all in one small crowded place. It’s a long and very personal story on how our family ended up in such an seedy establishment … which I’m not gonna share.

This was the place I’m talkin’ about. The place that I favored most …

My left neighbor was a family of 7 (4 sons and a daughter) … all cramped into a 500 sq ft single roomed flat. Albeit a bit congested, the family was the friendliest lot I’ve ever met. Their parents would speak with mine … and the guys were awesome.

Whenever their parents are away, these 4 guys would crank up their self modified stereos and bombard the entire block of flat (and that’s how I learnt about Modern Talking). They would organize parties, and perform cool stunts that I would admire as a kid (they’re all very much older than I am).

Certainly was the happiest period of my life … (though by today’s standard, I would have labeled the guys as ‘hooligans’ for being so noisy…)

1990 – 1999 Air Itam, Penang
My mom bought a landed property and we moved to that place (as Rifle Range wasn’t really an ideal neighborhood for an already savage kid like me…)

That place was a nightmare. Right neighbor was a stinking old indian lady … and we’ve got fat mary (tuak pooi mary) and her psychotic mutt in front of the house.

Behind our house, lived a dysfunctional Malay family. The husband was a retired musician of sorts, who always spray paints his stupid guitar and motorcycle – where the mist/droplets would then drift over to our home … making our lungs healthier. And his wife? Was an obese 20 something years old, that would yell in and out of their home… you can imagine the commotion around my house. (update: I exclusively blogged about her here)

1999 – 2001 Greenlane, Penang
I moved in to live with Emily at a rented low-cost apartment after my family was hit with a domestic crisis. Mom had to sell the house for good.

Neighbors were all assholes. No brainers and were all lower than a piece of flattened shit on a paved road. They would vandalize everything they could find. The elevator, mailbox, gate, guards … anything. Every morning, we’d have to contend with surprises like a pool of urine on the elevator floor, or someone’s car getting wrecked by drunks the night before. My car was hit, scratched, dented, broken into … and even had a near shave with someone who committed suicide by jumping from the 8th floor.

It wasn’t long before I moved again.

2001 – 2003 Farlim, Penang
To Farlim. A slightly bigger apartment unit and less ghetto. It’s peaceful here.

But there was this fat fuck neighbor – who was mom’s colleague, that would always come over to our place and chat. I found him rather annoying as he would always ask me about my work stuff. I mean, who in their right mind would do that after office hours ? Tiuuuu….

2003 onwards, here.
I finally saved enough money to get my dream home. My own big ass apartment in a low density, pristine neighborhood.

But fuck, … who would have thought that educated people have their own ways of screwing up ?

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 

16 Comments to “ex neighbors”

  1. jasdev says:

    Whoa you moved alot didnt you? Hey mike youre lucky okay to get to see chicks flashin at YOU ! I mean how lucky can a boy get? but I do i get the part of it being a traumatic experience. Should start a campaign of hot chicks flashing to young boys and then, only then, would they grow up into healthy young males aha.

  2. michaelooi says:

    jasdev – if it’s really a hot chick, i probably wouldn’t mind. but but … that …”thing” … isn’t hot. I’d rather screw an ostrich.

  3. fish fish says:

    *Touch the wood* U might really screw an ostrich if you said so wor~ Bless you. kekeke…

  4. oliviasy says:

    i can’t wait to move to our own place! rar rar!!

  5. mdmafia says:

    Oh yeah. Once, we had this young couple next to my mom’s house. Every night, they fight like cats, yelling and crying till wee hours of the morning. The girl even tried to kill herself by ramming her bf’s car into a lampost. Cops came and thankfully, they moved out shortly after that.

  6. lilian says:

    Phak cheng por, no wonder your language is so refined lah. Wah, now pristine neighbour.

  7. zbjernak says:

    wow….you moved a lot…

    me too moved a lot…hated it…because i have no childhood neighbour frens…

    but i have no neighbours like those you met too..
    all normal people here in klang


  8. humphrey says:

    cos of such a lovely neighbour and the so COOL enviroment have shape up our fren Mic…to become so….so…..so……steady and steady and steady……
    war…mic..u start to bully people since u small arr……wht happen to that small guy now?dont tell me, if u meet him up, u will bully him again…..but i think u willl…heheheheh

  9. michaelooi says:

    fish fish – touch wood really prevents calamity ?

    olivia – yeah, the joy of moving to a place of your own is indescribable.

    mdmafia – that’s damn scary. the girl actually drove into a lamp post to kill herself ? you should’ve taught her to stab a knife at her own head. It works.

    lilian – i’ve never goddamn uttered a single profanity in my life before…

    zbjernak – sometimes, our lives must be filled with adventures and ridges to make it more interesting… you know.

    humphrey – bully ? no lah. I just taught the guy how to embrace democracy, by liberating his rights and punching him in the face.

  10. jasdev says:

    Come to think of it, this post is making me to wanna get to know my neighbours. My family is one of the textbook cases where we dont really know or care who the neighbour is. The neighbour on the left is this young housewive whos ALWAYS weearing hotpants and highheels when she plays with her children on the road. Thats all I know. Use to have a neighbour that was really hot when she bent over in her car. Thesedays neighbours are just that no more schoolboy fantasies.

    People I think we ought to know our neighbours.

  11. Lin says:

    I looked across my 15th floor window to the next block. I saw a young lady dressing up with her window open! I wonder if she was assuming that since it was 6:30am, no one is awake yet? AT least she was not fully naked.

  12. humphrey says:

    Come to think of it, this post is making me to wanna get to know my neighbours. My family is one of the textbook cases where we dont really know or care who the neighbour is.
    People I think we ought to know our neighbours.

    Posted by jasdev at January 27, 2005 03:44 PM

    yeah man, i agree with your point. my parent do knew my neighbour….
    but not my bro & sis. we dont care about all this neighbour..u know why?cos all the neighbour that i have (left, right, back yard and infront), always and like to gossiping around..they mouth when they are talking, is really terrible…just imagine some sort of like shits flooding out from the mouth and they want to stop it but fail….
    if there are not that type of human, im sure that i can communicate well with them….maybe we should have a neighbour that consist of a group of our own frens…it will make us more easier to communicate around….
    SUGGESTED…….Build up a housing project just for a pool of fren……

  13. michaelooi says:

    jasdev – if i know my neighbors well, i probably would have joined their dark side, and again, probably wouldn’t have complained so much about them.

    lin – me too. I saw someone naked from the waist up opposite my block a few days ago. Curly long hair, medium tits. But wasn’t sure if it’s a male/female … (coz some medium sized guys are known to have cup sized tits too). Whatever i saw that day, it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

    humphrey – with all these 3rd-aunt-6th-granny type of neighbors … and you’re asking me to move to Sarawak ? That’s very nice of you indeed.

  14. radnexus says:

    Well at least you lot know who your neighbours are! I’ve been staying in my apt. for 3 years and I’ve only recently know them by sight/name. Tells you much about city leaving, huh?

  15. ahlian says:

    my neighbors is famly with 2 teenagers girls…..even tho they stay inside a house they have to scream when talking to each other loudly even at 2am-3am and when these girls are in the mood they will play the english songs loudly at nite time…..because of this, this neighbor are referred as “nam yan por” by the guys here…..even our left neighbor who is illegal gambling are not as noisey as this right side neighbor…

  16. humphrey says:

    aiaaa mic, tht type of human can be found on the place where i stay….the rest is ok la….

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