*long story, don’t bitch
*the story contain some religious description/details that may offend certain individual. Read with discretion.

The plot of this story took place at a ghetto apartment block a few years ago - where one of Emily’s haughty brother-in-law dwells. A little background run : Emily’s BIL is one heck of a dork. He’s the type of person that would bluff something out of nothing at all - like if you’re making up something like a cure for cancer, he’ll probably boast that he’s one of the discoverer’s friend. Everyone hates him.

Alright, this contemptible shmuck ? He has a brother… Let’s call his brother “Freddy” for convenience’ sake. Now Freddy, he’s a vagrant that has no permanent job. Been a construction laborer before, but never made it far - because he’s too lazy or something like that. He’s only known to be good at one thing. Being a religious medium.

How he obtained the skill ? I don’t fucking know… but what I know is, Freddy managed to entice a lot of housewives to believe that he’s “the chosen one” (weeeoooweeeoooweeooo) that the deities has …well… chosen … as a medium for them to shower their benevolence upon the believers … like prescribing magical cures for any incurable diseases or answer any questions pertaining the future/supernatural stuffs.

By just using a few necessary/appropriate props, Freddy claims that he is able to possess himself with his chosen deity at will. For example, if he wants “The Beggar Monk” deity (”tsai kung” in Cantonese) to possess his body, he’ll just need to prepare some stout and pork as offering (or something like that), chant a few mantras … wham ! Beggar Monk deity will be instantly downloaded into his body. Woo hoo …

But that fateful night, it wasn’t “The Beggar Monk” deity that he’s gonna invite. But another fearsome deity which came by the name “Big Uncle”. In Cantonese, it’s called “Tai Pak”… a deity that is known to be in charge of the dead souls and famous for it’s white robe/face, with a long tongue filled with opium paste, and a bad attitude. Coincidentally, I was in the area that night and Emily’s BIL proudly exclaimed to us that his brother Freddy, is gonna trance himself.

Well, I always wanted to witness myself about the magical stuffs Freddy had done in the past. You know, his ability to conjure away illness..bla bla bla. So, I got myself there that night, with Emily. It was held inside a modified apartment unit, complete with props and all that. And I arrived just in time … just before the ceremony started. I saw Freddy was already there - just got himself dressed in a white robe … and was spreading some white powder on his face.

I took a gaze on his face and let out a half suppressed snigger (I do not mean to disrespect but, it’s really darn funny to see him looking like a mime in a white robe). Freddy somehow took notice of my disdainful manner, and was giving me this uncomfortable pausing look. I quickly went back to my serious expression (like a believer) and he resumed whatever he was doing…

But before that, I wanted to disclaim something. Those who had known me for long, would probably knew that I’m a non-believer … like most engineering guys - a libertine that only believes in scientific facts and porn stories. Well, I would get freaked out once a while over some spooky stories but, I wouldn’t go as far as believing that some magical tricks could miraculously cure somebody’s herpes. You get the idea.

Alright, Freddy took position on a chair in front of an altar full of props/offerings. He then chanted something that’s barely audible to anyone, and started to have a series of mind boggling spasmodic convulsion of sorts … *it was all silent at that moment because the deity’s suppose to arrive anytime*. Then suddenly, Freddy cackled out loud like an evil witch … and stood up from his seat. I do not know what’s happening … but, I saw a couple of blokes (who appeared to be his assistant or something) came to his aid … bringing him a glass of stout and a lighted cigarette… to which, Freddy (now possessed), took a big gulp of the alcoholic drink and a satisfying puff on the cigarette respectively. I was like “whoaa… this dude really knows how to party…” Emily - “SHhhhhhh!!”

As if it’s not bizarre enough, Freddy then took one of the glass from the table, broke it, took one of the broken shards, and started to scrape his tongue with it. It ended with a bloody spit on the floor (I think) and he continued to puff the cigarette with an attitude. Then, possessed Freddy bellowed out loud “I just came back from Singapore. What do you guys want ??”. And one of the assistant, began to pacify his anger by speaking his language … that some housewives are in need of help, would appreciate his generosity… bla bla bla. And before long, he started to begin his round of “spiritual consultation”.

During the session, I repeatedly sniggered when Freddy made a few awkward acts … like gargling with his stout and blowing rings of smoke with his ciggy. As I was blacklisted earlier on, he kept noticing me and my titters … you know, as if I was trying to blow his cover or something. But the actual fact, I am trying to.

I was thinking myself, if he’s really the deity “Big Uncle” as attested, he would have been able to read my mind without sweat. And I telepathically sent Freddy a few messages asking for response, but to my disappointment, there wasn’t any. So, I was very sure that Freddy wasn’t really possessed by a supreme being. He probably hypnotized himself to his (and everyone’s) expectations to achieve the result … and the “cure” that his “patients” attained ? were probably a psychological effect.

Well, that was when I stop paying attention at his acts and started to preach my own jokes around my dark corner… triggering some laughter amongst the younger crowds. Freddy, was needless to say, wasn’t really happy about that - and I can see he’s trying to hold himself from getting mad or something. I continued to create a nuisance… until Freddy suddenly snapped. He stopped whatever he was doing, and walked towards my direction. (Imagine a supposedly possessed dude in white robe and powdery white face, sticking out his tongue, walking directly towards you in pissed off expression).

I immediately got freaked out and got ready to bail. But even before I was able to get up on my feet to flee, Freddy was already in front of me, staring with a corrugated guise. He then uttered “Look, if you do not believe in me, just don’t come, ok ?” … and he walked nonchalantly back to his “desk” with a satisfying look.

Well, what could I say ? Freddy “Big Uncle” was right … I shouldn’t have gone to that place if I’m a non believer in the first place. His statement is akin to the disclaimer inside this blog, “if you blog haters out there don’t like me or what I wrote, just don’t fucking bother to come here at all.”

Certainly one of my most bizarre experience with a “higher being”…

I left the place right after what he said to me … and never bothered to attend any session like this anymore in my life.

lesson learnt : if you’re a non believer, fine. Just don’t condemn or show disrespect. Even conmen have feelings too.