January 23, 2005

problem solving guide

Having a problem with your personal computer? Don’t know what to do? Worry not! Let me help you with your problems! I hereby have prepared a remedy guide (in a convenient FAQ format) that specifically addresses the most common problems that a personal computer could ever encounter.

Case #1
Q : [Scream!!] “My computer suddenly locks up with a blue screen !! ! What should I do !?” [panic, panic, louder scream]
A : Worry not. You have a corrupted operating system. Just get a bootable diskette with command prompt and insert it into your Floppy Disk Drive (FDD). Power off your computer (PC) and boot from that diskette. Then, type following command into the command prompt (without quotes) – “Format C:/q/u”. Press “Y” key when prompted to proceed. Reinstall your OS.

Case #2
Q : “I kept having annoying pop ups that says ‘Illegal Operation’. It’s annoying… [bitch bitch bitch]. What should I do ?”
A : My best guess, is that your operating system is corrupted. Do not worry. Just get a bootable diskette with command prompt and insert it into your FDD. Power off your PC and boot from that diskette. Then, type the following command into the command prompt (without quotes) – “Format C:/q/u”. Press “Y” key when prompted to proceed. Reinstall your OS.

Case #3
Q : “My mouse button is not working ! I tried using the same mouse on another system, but it still wouldn’t work !”
A : Your mouse may have a technical issue. May need to change the mouse. But to be safe, let’s ensure your OS is clean. Get a bootable diskette with command prompt and insert it into your FDD. Power off your PC and boot from that diskette. Then, type the following command into the command prompt (without quotes) – “Format C:/q/u”. Press “Y” key when prompted to proceed. Reinstall your OS.

Case #4
Q : “I kept having those annoying spammers randomly popping junk mails into my email account. What should I do ??”
A : Hmmmm… I’ve consulted several professional experts and we’ve all reached to a conclusion that you may have a corrupted OS. Get a bootable diskette with command prompt and insert it into your FDD. Power off your PC and boot from that diskette. Then, type the following command into the command prompt (without quotes) – “Format C:/q/u”. Press “Y” key when prompted to proceed. Reinstall your OS.

Case #5
Q : “My mother in law forgot to flush the toilet again ! It’s stinking in there and I desperately needed to take a dump !”
A : Corrupted OS. [shakes head].. they’re everywhere. Don’t panic, just get a bootable diskette with command prompt and insert it into your FDD. Power off your PC and boot from that diskette. Then, type the following command into the command prompt (without quotes) – “Format C:/q/u”. Press “Y” key when prompted to proceed. Reinstall your OS.

Case #6
Q : “My neighbor’s dog failed to sustain an erection during sex, agitated the bitch and got bit in the ear. What should the poor canine do?”
A : This is serious. But still within control, fortunately. Just … get a bootable diskette with command prompt and insert it into your FDD. Power off your PC and boot from that diskette. Then, type the following command into the command prompt (without quotes) – “Format C:/q/u”. Press “Y” key when prompted to proceed. Reinstall your OS.

You’re welcome.

michaelooi  | satirical shit  | 

20 Comments to “problem solving guide”

  1. 100 says:

    What a convenient method. Just like amputation, the universal pain killer. Cut it off and you are spared the pain. The should develope more of such problem solving method.

  2. Agnes says:

    Waaaaaaaaah! One stop solution for all situations! hahahaha

  3. Din says:

    My roti canai won’t heat up in the CD-ROM drive! I then tried inserting it into the FDD but it just won’t come out! What should I do??

    *muahahhahahahah*

  4. primroses says:

    The diskette reader won’t work! :o

  5. khang says:

    This is fatal. But still managable, fortunately. Just … get a bootable Pirated WINDOWS 98 CDROM and insert it into your CDROM drive. Power off your PC and boot from that CD. Then, type the following command into the command prompt (without quotes) – “Format C:/q/u”. Press “Y” key when prompted to proceed. Reinstall your OS

  6. michaelooi says:

    all – your FDD should work. If it doesn’t, discard it. Nothing can help you. You’ll need to get a new PC – that has a working FDD.

  7. ShaolinTiger says:

    Actually the MS troubleshooting guide is like this:

    a) Reboot

    b) Reboot again

    c) If this fails, reinstall OS

  8. Din says:

    Lelong lelong…..useless pc which has ONLY faulty FDD….lelong lelong….hahahah

  9. ashotiwoth says:

    cool…. sure a handy guide :) kekekeke
    they should paste this on every computer box that the company sell…,.

  10. cmos says:

    UNIX rulez!!! Damn… I sound like a geek… :P

  11. rkaru says:

    Hoi!! Hoi!! You want me to cancel the sirap limau ais or what??

  12. michaelooi says:

    ST – nah, that wouldn’t work. Format is da power !

    Din – FDD makes good mahjong paper counterweight.

    asho – yeah bebeh. you and jase should use this guide more often.

    cmos – UNIX rulez ? no way ! calculator rulez ! it never crashes.

    rkaru – opocot ! ehehehhehh… damn 9 funny lar… can’t help to blog it. Serious… I’m in tears now…

  13. kimberlycun says:

    need to get a mac soon…

  14. oliviasy says:

    “Reinstall your OS”… i shld use this line nxt time.

    “why can’t i print?”… Reinstall your OS
    “how do i type in Words?”… Reinstall your OS
    “i can’t put a pic into words”… Reinstall your OS

  15. james says:

    Damn, you’re good. I had an itch in my nether region and all I did was reinstall my OS and *viola*… now I itch no more!

  16. michaelooi says:

    kimberly – i personally think Ramly burger is better…

    olivia – may the year of the rooster brings lots of fortune to your career as an IT helpdesk.

    james – oooh… who needs drliew now eh ? just reinstall your OS man …

  17. shanks says:

    this is so funny! i read it last nite but i couldn’t type any comment cause i couldn’t stop laughing. i reinstalled my os, i can type now. thanks.

  18. Kervin says:

    Go to com dealer, he’ll assess the damage, say leave it to him for a few days. Whatever the damage he’ll reinstall your com, slap you with a RM50 bill and says your problem is solved. Data recovery, whats that???

  19. michaelooi says:

    shanks – reinstalling OS would help your body to absorb calcium better … in case you didn’t know that.

    kervin – you should have passed your PC to me instead… I’ll charge you only RM 40. (that’s 20% less ! this is like Christmas sale in spring dude !!!)

  20. iblogme says:

    LOL. You hit the nail on the head. But then again, those who need that ‘wipe-all, cure-all’ solution may not understand the darn instructions in the first place.

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