*girls, this is a “guy post”. Keep out.
The international “Rip-Off-a-Bloke” day is gonna be here again. 14th February, where simple gift items like chocolates, flowers and flamboyantly designed nylon soft toys would be tagged at a ridiculously dear price. Some people would refer this day as Valentines Day, but I would digress on recognizing it as the day to celebrate our love … because like I’ve said before, love should be celebrated everyday, not only on 14th February.
But, hell, since it’s already a tradition, there’s no way our girls are gonna let us go off the hook that easily. You can’t just expect them to dig some shallow verbal excuses and call off their once-a-year chance to pillage you. Bite the reality guys, and wake up. Might as well play along, wisely.
So, what should you get for your love on this coming “Rip-Off-a-Bloke” day ? Certainly not flowers or music boxes… that would be so cheap, cliché and so “last century” – a choice only ideal for those stereotypical dullards full of ripened zits with braces, and with no whatsoever other clues to impress their girlfriends. Certainly not to dine at the most popular restaurant in town … because you’ll always end up waiting for a few frustrating hours … along with a few hundreds of other pissed off couples in the same restaurant – who are also striving hard to put up some smilies in pretense of being in a jovial mood. (it’s a torture, we all know that).
Well then, why follow the crowd ? You can always try something out of the conventional ways … Do something special. If you haven’t got a clue what to do yet, worry not. For I, the wise and friendly one, have some suggestions for you.
Just…, before I go ahead with my tips, you’ll need to keep in mind that – Nothing’s free on Valentines Day. Unless you’re a total jerk and stingy beyond recognition, it is very likely that you’ll have to spend a large sum of money on that day. The key idea is to make good use of that spending. You ain’t paying for something which would bring no benefit to your own self … so, the tips I’m sharing here is basically to take care of that amenity
Alright, If you’ve not already read it, you may want to try the method I’ve previously suggested (last year)… or you may just contemplate some of these newer tips … (they’re all better than those stupid flowers and music boxes anyway)
Theme : Romantic
Stars can be awfully romantic at times. I don’t fucking know why but, girls seems to have an uncanny attraction to those floating hot burning gases in the vacuum space out there … and would often link it to romanticism and expensive wines. (damn, and why wouldn’t they consider a gas stove instead … it’s much nearer and can use it to cook something for us guys as well…)
Forget about the expensive wine and focus on the stars (they’re free for viewing). Buy a telescope or a binocular (as a gift). Settle down on a beach at night or at your apartment’s attic. Use the binocular/telescope to surf the night sky. Explain position of stars. Don’t have to know much about astrology… just some bullshitting will do. Eg : “Ooh.. that star is the Northern Light of The Hyena. It is named as such because it’s gas mass actually looked like a hyena’s head under high powered telescope …” [touch her hand and smile]
Pros: Post Valentines Day, can still use the telescope/binocular to spy your neighbor’s daughter opposite your apartment block.
Cons: If it rains that night, you’re screwed.
Theme : Cheeky/Naughty/Lusty/Humsup
There may be some of you out there that already have a strong and stable relationship … and prefer not to waste too much unnecessary effort in celebrating Valentines Day. Well then, just dive straight to the point — have sex.
Prior action, go get some DVD porn. Preferably, soft porn. Then, purchase a set of ultra sexy lingerie. If too chicken to buy it on your own, get your female colleague’s help. Never ask your mom or sister. Go back to your apartment … ask girlfriend to put on lingerie, and watch porn together. Have lots of sex.
*you may add more creativity by inviting some strippers or stray animals to join in. Or add in some equipments like whips, high voltage crocodile clips, hot waxes, crowbars, cattle prods, jaws of life … you get the idea. (you may buy anything except dildo/butt plugs. Buying a dildo/butt plug for your girl is a big mistake. It means you lack of self confidence. If you mistakenly bought it, get a refund. If you fail to get a refund, insert dildo/butt plug into your own rectum. Or kill yourself. Whichever appropriate.)
Pros: Low cost, high gain. DVD porn can be kept for future revision.
Cons: If your girl’s menstruating, you’re screwed.
Theme : Practical
If you have an adventurous/madcap girlfriend, then being romantic and humsup will not work on her. She needs something more exciting like an unforgettable adventure on that special night itself.
Buy a stun gun. Give it to your girl as Valentines Day gift. Drive around for a “stun adventure”. Eg:
– scour around the neighborhood, stun up your neighbors’ annoying dogs. Snap some photos for memory. Laugh.
– scour around the house, stun up some roaches and pests. Snap some photos for memory. Laugh.
– scour around the town, look for sex maniacs/flashers. Stun them up for good. Snap some photos for memory. Laugh.
– scour around night spots. Look for stinking Ah Bengs. (make sure he’s alone). ZZZAPP. Laugh.
Pros: Your girl’s going to love that stun gun. Good self defense tool, you’ll never get to worry about her in danger.
Cons: Madcap girlfriend may potentially use that stun gun on you in future relationship quarrels/brawls.
May the force be with you, my friends.