If there was to be a particular year that had brought significant changes to my life, this would be it. One year ago, I hung out with different group of colleagues. One year ago, I laughed about different things and was a happier guy. One year ago, I had so much less problems to worry about. One year ago, I was a different person from today.
Some of my close friends got hitched. Good colleagues quit their day job. One of them even retired. I changed 2 bosses this year. My new car’s warranty was over and it’s not new anymore. My neighbor’s cute dog was nowhere to be seen now. Probably dead. Then the old man bit the dust, sealing the upper generation door shut. My mom now becomes the geriatric and me the protagonist of the family.
The changes were rife and rapid, it’s badass. The only thing that remains unchanged is my dick’s girth and length. (and my humping skills, yeah bebeh)
The weird thing is, I kinda flowed along with these changes that I didn’t even realize it myself. I was as productive as an impotent old man in a hardcore porn flick. I’ve been hibernating these whole 361 days wasting oxygen. I was idling by watching these changes unfold before my dormant eyes and did nothing to catch up with it.
This realization only intensified when I was at Doug’s retirement dinner the other day. I sat with a bunch of senior directors and managers (most of them were old friends) hearing them talking about high leveled strategical baloney’s. For the first time in my life (alright, maybe not the first time), I felt very left out from the group.
That was when I thought to myself, hey, I used to be like them. I used to have that enthusiasm and vigor and was very passionate about my job. I suddenly realized, I am now just a shell of my former self. This is like waking up from a coma to suddenly discover your infant son has already grown enough pubic hairs to choke an alligator and yourself withered into a wrinkled corpse bitten by ages of oblivion. It’s not fun at all.
I don’t know what happened to my aspiration to be the best goddamn engineer company X has ever hired (let’s call my workplace company X from now on). I don’t know why I never got my first 100 grands before 30 and but instead, a negative 150 grands of financial worth. I don’t know what had happened to me.
Somewhere in the middle of the heaps of accomplishments I’ve attained, I’ve failed to gain the credit I hoped for… and never wanted to savor another round of disappointment again. I learnt the hard way that no matter how good you are, you’ll never be better than those cock sucking politicians and ass licking hypocrites. I don’t know if I was right but, it happened to me. I’m a victim of the vicious food chain in the corporate world. Maybe, all these are just some quarter life crisis shits that I’m experiencing, things would probably be ok after I move on to middle age… which by then, I’ll be worrying about a different set of less intricate problems instead. Like hairloss or something.
Because I have been so screwed up, that’s also probably why I never did any REAL resolutions for 2005. But I lived up to some of the goofier ones, which if it’s not considered too pathetic, is not bad for an underachieved loafer like me. I finally got my dSLR. I’ve got only 1 credit card to clear now. Nearly went on a trip to Korea and gonna miss Denmark in January due to some unforeseen circumstances. But I’m all cool about those – that’s because I haven’t been earning enough anyway… (what’s enough?). I never got myself a desktop PC, but got myself a new notebook instead (it’s not so new now though…). Scissors and stones. Trivial achievements.
For 2006, I’m gonna be aiming for higher objectives. I’m gonna be searching for my lost passion (hey, it shouldn’t sound that obscene if your mind’s right) and get back what I’ve been missing all these while. I’m gonna be more matured in dealing with stupid people and use them to my advantage. I’m gonna save more, and spend less (fuck booze, fuck gadgets). I’m gonna scrutinize at every single opportunity and get the best out of everything like a shapeshifter (like beating up a petrol station guy for trying to fleece a bottle of mineral water from my Bonuslink privilege). I’m gonna do something to gain back my self-confidence and give my career a wake up push (man, if I’m a woman, a boob job and a push up bra is all I fucking need)
Now, I’m gonna be sleazing through the remnants of 2005… I’ll be blogging again when the new light of 2006 rises to illuminate the troubled sky.
Happy new year people. Remember to puke considerately. Don’t hurl on your pet or your significant half.