Archive for 2005

December 27, 2005

2005 roll up

If there was to be a particular year that had brought significant changes to my life, this would be it. One year ago, I hung out with different group of colleagues. One year ago, I laughed about different things and was a happier guy. One year ago, I had so much less problems to worry about. One year ago, I was a different person from today.

Some of my close friends got hitched. Good colleagues quit their day job. One of them even retired. I changed 2 bosses this year. My new car’s warranty was over and it’s not new anymore. My neighbor’s cute dog was nowhere to be seen now. Probably dead. Then the old man bit the dust, sealing the upper generation door shut. My mom now becomes the geriatric and me the protagonist of the family.

The changes were rife and rapid, it’s badass. The only thing that remains unchanged is my dick’s girth and length. (and my humping skills, yeah bebeh)

The weird thing is, I kinda flowed along with these changes that I didn’t even realize it myself. I was as productive as an impotent old man in a hardcore porn flick. I’ve been hibernating these whole 361 days wasting oxygen. I was idling by watching these changes unfold before my dormant eyes and did nothing to catch up with it.

This realization only intensified when I was at Doug’s retirement dinner the other day. I sat with a bunch of senior directors and managers (most of them were old friends) hearing them talking about high leveled strategical baloney’s. For the first time in my life (alright, maybe not the first time), I felt very left out from the group.

That was when I thought to myself, hey, I used to be like them. I used to have that enthusiasm and vigor and was very passionate about my job. I suddenly realized, I am now just a shell of my former self. This is like waking up from a coma to suddenly discover your infant son has already grown enough pubic hairs to choke an alligator and yourself withered into a wrinkled corpse bitten by ages of oblivion. It’s not fun at all.

I don’t know what happened to my aspiration to be the best goddamn engineer company X has ever hired (let’s call my workplace company X from now on). I don’t know why I never got my first 100 grands before 30 and but instead, a negative 150 grands of financial worth. I don’t know what had happened to me.

Somewhere in the middle of the heaps of accomplishments I’ve attained, I’ve failed to gain the credit I hoped for… and never wanted to savor another round of disappointment again. I learnt the hard way that no matter how good you are, you’ll never be better than those cock sucking politicians and ass licking hypocrites. I don’t know if I was right but, it happened to me. I’m a victim of the vicious food chain in the corporate world. Maybe, all these are just some quarter life crisis shits that I’m experiencing, things would probably be ok after I move on to middle age… which by then, I’ll be worrying about a different set of less intricate problems instead. Like hairloss or something.

Because I have been so screwed up, that’s also probably why I never did any REAL resolutions for 2005. But I lived up to some of the goofier ones, which if it’s not considered too pathetic, is not bad for an underachieved loafer like me. I finally got my dSLR. I’ve got only 1 credit card to clear now. Nearly went on a trip to Korea and gonna miss Denmark in January due to some unforeseen circumstances. But I’m all cool about those – that’s because I haven’t been earning enough anyway… (what’s enough?). I never got myself a desktop PC, but got myself a new notebook instead (it’s not so new now though…). Scissors and stones. Trivial achievements.

For 2006, I’m gonna be aiming for higher objectives. I’m gonna be searching for my lost passion (hey, it shouldn’t sound that obscene if your mind’s right) and get back what I’ve been missing all these while. I’m gonna be more matured in dealing with stupid people and use them to my advantage. I’m gonna save more, and spend less (fuck booze, fuck gadgets). I’m gonna scrutinize at every single opportunity and get the best out of everything like a shapeshifter (like beating up a petrol station guy for trying to fleece a bottle of mineral water from my Bonuslink privilege). I’m gonna do something to gain back my self-confidence and give my career a wake up push (man, if I’m a woman, a boob job and a push up bra is all I fucking need)

Now, I’m gonna be sleazing through the remnants of 2005… I’ll be blogging again when the new light of 2006 rises to illuminate the troubled sky.

Happy new year people. Remember to puke considerately. Don’t hurl on your pet or your significant half.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 27 Comments
December 26, 2005

this christmas

this christmas,
I learnt that it is not very wise for anyone to stand anywhere below their bunch of heavily intoxicated friends… for you might get drenched with things that you’re not supposed to be drenched with…

I learnt that beer doesn’t smell very pleasant at all when it’s all over your body. Especially when it’s air dried on you.

I learnt that beer doesn’t make a very good styling material for your hair. They don’t hold.

I learnt that a low % alcoholic beverage could possibly have an elevated potential when it’s being drunk the wrong way and in an accelerated time factor.

I learnt that beer makes you do stupid things that even a retard wouldn’t thought of doing. (should have known this long time ago, but I never learn…)

Emily and I gave these out

and got these back

this christmas, I had one of the best times of my life.

michaelooi  | ramblings  | 5 Comments
December 23, 2005

boo hoo king kong is dead

My sister proudly exclaimed to my mom that she cried for “King Kong” after watching the movie. (reminded me of those hipster ah lians I saw weeping ostentatiously outside the cinema the other day…)

That actually got me thinking, what is so sad about killing that oversized vicious ape? We all know that the ravenous beast is a man eater (or to be more precise, girl eater). It kills indiscriminately and has no respect for any life form on this planet, except for that blond (which makes it a pervert at the same time.)

With that kind of questionable background, I doubt that this ape would even get a job at a zoo for being such a fucked up animal. So, why do some of us people think that this ape is worth a tear or two when it fucking dies? Why don’t they cry for the victims that has been killed by that ape instead? Why are these people showing more affinity towards an ape more than their own species?

I think I know why. The reason is – they have not mentally evolved from their ape mind yet. Incomplete download. That is why, they are showing some exaggerated reactions seeing one of their own (the ape) getting hurt real bad. It’s their animal instincts at work.

That explains why my sister likes banana so much. If I happen to bitchslap a monkey in front of her, she’s gonna fucking commit suicide. No shit. I think I’m gonna do that someday.

michaelooi  | rantings  | Comments Off
December 22, 2005

lipstick mark

Somebody asked me today, why would I whimper over a paltry lipstick mark on my glass? A lipstick mark, on that supposedly cleaaaaaan plastic glass from the cafeteria. What’s the big deal about it?

It’s all about me imagining things.

1) I guess I can try to imagine that the mark belongs to a hot chick and pretend that I am virtually mouthing her. But then, the lipstick mark might also belong to that despicable harridan from Human Resource who smells like a wet mop. And I definitely ain’t mouthing any wet mop.

2) I think, if the lipstick were to be that easily part from the mouth of the wearer, that could only mean that it’s a contraband lipstick. Contraband lipstick that contains heavy metals such as lead, mercury, titanium, aluminum, condominium, paramecium, parameswara (whatever). Who knows, if these dangerous ingredients might instigate some sort of allergy that could swell up my nipple to the size of a mangosteen?

3) Or perhaps, if the wearer has a questionable oral hygiene – ie sucked her husband’s (or whoever’s) cream the previous night without washing her mouth – and painted that layer of lipstick on her lips. And what are the odds, out of a few millions spermatozoa lurking inside her mouth, that a few of them could have wound up embalmed on that layer of sticky red slick of cheap chemical? (now imagine the whole graveyard of preserved sperms were to be transposed onto the glass you’re about to take a swig from…)

Unless you fancy eating somebody’s sperm and a whole deal lot of heavy metal for breakfast (or any other meals of the day), I don’t think that would be anyone’s idea of having a balanced diet.

It’s all inside my head. (That’s why I bring my own mug to work.)

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 18 Comments
December 21, 2005

merry christmas

To those of you who,

1) is reading this entry,
– Merry “5-minutes-orgasm” Christmas.

2) has been reading this blog since last Christmas,
– Merry “10-minutes-orgasm” Christmas.

3) has been reading this blog since last 2 Christmas,
– Merry “15-minutes-orgasm” Christmas.

2) has been reading this blog since it started,
– Merry “20-minutes-orgasm” Christmas.

3) has been reading this blog every awakening minute of your life,
– You don’t need Christmas, you need to put your head in the toilet bowl and flush.

Remember your loved ones. Don’t drink and drive. (Just crash at the party.)

michaelooi  | greetings  | 21 Comments