Archive for 2004

December 26, 2004

GOC – the chick at chilli’s

*GOC – Girls Ogling Chronicles. A compendium of posts detailing my girls ogling experiences. It’s a good thing for both sexes. Guys who read this can calibrate my experiences versus theirs, promoting interracial understanding and harmony (shits like that). Girls, on the other hand, may use them as a guide to understand what guys love/hate to see and learn from there.

I was inside Chilli’s Midvalley with Wilson. We ordered our dinner and had to wait for a while since the place was kinda busy. Both of us looked around and noticed a couple of young ladies dining opposite of our table.

Of the 2 girls, the 1 facing us was the slimmer one, with a yellow tube and a matching yellow skirt. The other girl, who was facing her, was kinda odd in shape and plump… and was out of our line of sight. Judging from the way she shaped, I doubted she looked any better than gibbon so, let’s not mention about her.

Alright, yellow girl had a fair skin and was a chain smoker. She smoked non-stop and was very ardent in her speech. You know, pointing up and down with a cigarette clipped in between her fingers and all that. We were quick to draw some conclusion about her…

“Hmmph… what do you think Michael ?”
“Stereotypical modern city girl.”
“Yeah, probably just adjourned from her office…”
“No I don’t think so. Look at her dress. It’s not office code.”
“You mean, she went home for a change before hitting here ?”
“Yeah, unless she works in a strip club, which, is impossible in KL”
“Probably. To wash her stinking beaver before hooking up”

Both : AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH…

That was just some blank talk. Of course we didn’t mean to belittle her like that. Even if we really did, not that she’s going to find out anyway. We did that because we’re bored.

I started another round…
“She looks like some chick from China. Small eyes and hand drawn brows”
“Also fair. Malaysian girls are always dark skinned and full of fungus..”

Both : AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH…

Wilson then added…
“Damn, she sure smokes a lot.”
“Yeah, I wonder if one could get cancer by just kissing her..”

Both : AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH…

We were laughing so hard that we almost had beers pouring out from our nostrils.

Girls, don’t smoke too much. It’s bad for your health.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 25 Comments

what a way to end christmas…

I was crudely awakened by a series of mild vibration on my bed. Felt as if someone was shaking a leg on it. I petulantly checked if there was indeed anyone doing that (don’t ask, it seemed logical at that moment), nope. The only person with me was Emily and she was still sound asleep.

I continued to sleep nevertheless… and about 5 seconds later, the bed started to shake again. This time, it was harder. No more shaking leg. It’s more like someone was having a passion sex on my bed. I got up and started to look around. Yeah, I’m absofuckinglutely sure the whole bed’s shaking. Could it be that rotating fan? Or some vibration resulted from someone doing something above my apartment? Don’t ask, it seemed logical at that moment.

I then got up, walked around and checked outside the building. Nothing. Couldn’t figure out what was wrong, I went to the toilet to take a leak – hoping that I could make some sense out of what actually happened. (Again, don’t ask why I think taking a piss would make up some senses in me, it seemed logical at that moment).

When I positioned myself in front of the bowl getting ready to piss, I witnessed the most unbelievable thing. The pool of water inside the bowl was actually vacillating… same goes with the bath water tank. The whole fucking building was actually shaking!

I quickly went outside into the living room to check if everything’s ok, and that was when I saw my middle aged aunt and her daughter came running screaming hysterically that we’re having an earthquake or something like that.

“Damn”, I thought, the quake not only woke me from my slumber, but made those girls went cuckoo as well. It stopped after a while… I meant the quake…. my aunt was still screaming… until way pass noon. Alright, I made that up, she didn’t scream till noon. Only for an hour or two.

Later, I checked the news and found out, that it was indeed an earthquake, centered slightly off the coast of Acheh. Lots of lives were lost.

What a way to end Christmas. My thoughts goes to the unfortunate ones out there.

michaelooi  | experiences  | 14 Comments
December 25, 2004

christmas


Suria KLCC, Kuala Lumpur 2004. Canon Ixus500

Merry Christmas to all the living creatures on Earth and from the galaxies beyond.

michaelooi  | greetings  | 11 Comments
December 22, 2004

school teachers

story i heard from the bunch of trainees I trained today….

“point your mouse on the tab, and click”

that was an instruction to a school teacher. Know what she did? She placed her mouse on her monitor screen, pointed at the tab (on the screen)… and fucking clicked.

I was laughing so hard that they thought I’m a hyena in disguise. Ahaks…

Apparently, there ARE people that are worse than Panda. School teachers. I mean, wtf? Aren’t school teachers suppose to be smart and all that? How are we gonna depend on them educating our children? This is so ironic.

No wonder we have so many intellectually challenged individuals in our society.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 26 Comments
December 21, 2004

fornicator 2005

Introducing the Fornicator 2005. This may look like an ordinary helmet, but it’s not just any ‘ordinary’ helmet. This is a *smart* helmet. With a built in most sophisticated microprocessor, this is one helmet that could be an answer towards safer road trips.

This intelligent helmet is basically a super computer itself. With 3000 over flip chips (0.0001 micron technology) that constitutes the intelligence of 1,294,384 fully grown male human, this piece of super computer helmet is the first ever constructed in mankind history.

How does it work ? Well, It has these microscopic probes which are strategically placed under the protective layer of the helmet, directly corresponding with the nerves around the wearer’s head. (this is how the processor interacts with the wearer’s brain).

What does that actually do? Well, let’s think of it as an enhancer. Amplifier. Intensifier. Of the intelligence and the judgment of the wearer. It has this pre-programmed decision making microcodes, which are processed at 5 billion cycles per second, to assist in whatever traffic situation the wearer has to face.

Take for example, a rider wearing an ordinary helmet is doing 160kph on an open road, when suddenly, a rabid dog decides to cross the road, 30 meters in front of the speeding machine. In a typical situation, it would be a lose-lose-lose situation. The bike crashes into the dog. Dog dies, rider dies or crippled, bike wrecked. There simply isn’t enough time to react. Either way, the rider is fucked.

With the Fornicator 2005, this can be entirely be averted without breaking a sweat. At the split second the rider sees the dog, an emergency signal will be sent to the microprocessor for solution. And before the rider could even realize that it’s a frigging dog, the Fornicator 2005 would have already executed the Dog Alert interrupt command, which instigates the following to happen –

– “Dog Alert” interrupt command triggers an ultra sensitive crystal oscillator to emit a high frequency sonic signal into the canine’s brain.
– The sonic signal will override whatever decision/intention that has been caching in the dog’s brain
– Instruct the fucking dog’s brain to dive away from the speeding vehicle.
– Dog’s brain sends impulses to hind leg muscles to contract and release.
– Dog dives away. This will be followed by some whining noise.

All these will only happen in less than 0.01 seconds. That’s less than a blink of an eye. The rider will only notice that there’s a dog about to cross the road and the next thing he knew, the dog lands by the side of the pavement in warp speed, whimpering like somebody has beaten the crap out of it. Imagine this, see dog, dog catapults to the side.

So there you have it. 2 innocent lives saved, thanks to the marvelous safety device every created – The Fornicator 2005.

Look out for it in the stores near you.

*tips from inventor : this can be fun if you deliberately ride your bike towards any stray animals. Watch them dive!

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 9 Comments