I inadvertently caught this Chinese talk show on TV today, where they kinda showed some veteran singers’ younger days’ photos. They’re like reliving their nostalgic moments of being young & beautiful, you know, that type of shit.

It should somehow be a beautiful programme. But instead of that, I felt completely the opposite. I was traumatized by the entire show. Traumatized by witnessing how natural aging could do to someone as beautiful as them.

Take for example, one of them XXXL sized ladies, who used to be a bright eyed model, now looks like Jabba the Hutt without it’s on-screen make up. And another guy, whose name is Joe Junior or something, had turned from a baby faced Eurasian hunk into a piece of dehydrated junk.

The very sight of them makes me shudder at the thought of myself getting old. If aging could make those pretty face expire in that magnitude, what then could happen to us normal looking people ?

Or simply, how would I look like when I’m old ? Would there be any grey hairs on my head ? .. if there’s any hair at all ? Would I still be able club like I love to ? Questions … they are disturbing.

Disturbing because they somehow makes me less worried about today, perplexed about what could happen tomorrow. Not that I didn’t know about the effects of aging, but, do they really need to remind me in such a conspicuous and ‘direct’ way ?

Damn, they should have censored this type of shows on TV (instead of porns), you know, for causing such an emotional wreck in us. At least porns make us appreciate the human body more …

This is super kanineh shocking. My mom just told me that her paternal grandmother was a Vietnamese… … …
Which means … I am 1/8th Vietnamese myself… coupled with my another 1/8th Siamese (my father’s maternal grandfather was a Siamese), basically that means, 1/4th of me isn’t actually Chinese.

This is so friggin’ unbelievable.

What next ? Another 1/8th of me is Negro ? Hmmmm… perhaps that explains my colossal prick…(though I don’t remember seeing any black people in our old family photo collection).

My mom sneaked in a clandestine manner pass me, with something hidden behind her back.

Me : “Mom, that thing’s gonna end up inside the garbage bin if you ever put it anywhere in my room…”

Mom : “What ? It’s for your own good !”

Me : “Mom, I’ve warned you…”

Mom : “This thing costs over 30 bucks, ok ?”

Me : “I couldn’t have cared less. It’s gonna end up in the garbage bin. Period.”

Mom : “If you throw it into the garbage bin, I’m gonna kick your ass…”

Me : “!?”

Look what has fengshui done to my mom. What next ? Crashing furnitures on my head ?

No wonder we’re having so much domestic violence nowadays.

Lilian Too is driving my mom crazy ! Well, actually, not Lilian alone but, the whole bevy of self-proclaimed fengshui dunces that publishes their smartass advices online. For free. Emily played a part too, she printed a stack of those materials for my mom … and my mom has since gone cracked.

Thanks to those divine fengshui advices, my mom’s now not acting so normal. She would walk around the house with a compass, and would speak to herself (that’s damn creepy I tell you). Then occasionally, she would give out a blood curdling yelp, that some piece of furniture shouldn’t belong to some place, or some table is at the wrong angle.

As if it’s not bad enough having a geriatric walking around mumbling by herself, I was constantly being badgered for not complying with their set of so called ‘prohibited acts’. I couldn’t recall what they are but, it’s kinda like requiring me to sleep with my head facing north, my left leg pointing north west, my right hand pointing south, my right leg pointing north east… my left hand grabbing my own crotch and yell “Teeeheehee … owh” every 10 minutes. Or just simply, to sleep in a position that requires an intermediate level of yoga skills.

Supposedly, sleeping like this will bring me better luck and prospect for my career …(that is, if I didn’t suffer major bone dislocation and loses my job). Of course I protested … and after debated for a while, they managed to come up with some remedy/solution. To place a bronze tortoise with a head of …. some really weird looking horse with beard and horns …. wait, that’s a dragon … on the small table inside my room. What the fuck !

I told my mom - if fengshui can bring luck and fortune by just complying a set of procedure, then there wouldn’t be so much suffering and pestilence on this planet. But she would always retort back “What’s the harm of believing in them ?”

The harm ? To waste our money buying those weird and expensive fengshui paraphernalia …. making fengshui masters richer and richer.

Denizens of Earth, if you want to void yourself from suffering/poverty, the best thing is to work hard. Plan your budget. And use your brain.

Somebody please stop the madness already.

*update. Here’s some of the stuffs lying around my house. Taken right after I posted this entry.

Had a long chat with Wilson today, and I enticed him to reveal more about Panda. [apparently, she's much worse than I thought...]

*****
Panda’s background (based on what I can recall)
- Straight A’s in SPM
- Straight A’s in STPM
- MCSE (Microsoft Certified System Engineer)
- Intermediate certification in MS Office (or something like that)
- Bachelors Of Computer Science in UPM (with honours or something like that..)

A school teacher for 6 months before joining some roadworks company … for 1 year. Then she became jobless and joined some triad society specializing in pimping animal prostitution. Kidding. She joined some government jobless scheme … which I forgot what it’s called. She was then employed in my present workplace.

A degree holder with strong technical background - everyone wants to hire her … but little did we know ….

—–
Case # 1 : Assignment in Singapore
Cast : Wilson and Panda
Location : On the plane

When the plane touched down at Singapore, Panda turned to Wilson and said “Wilson….. I can’t believe I’m now in Singapore ….” [teary eyes]

Wilson was stupefied by her eccentric behavior.
—–

Case # 2 : Assignment in Singapore
Cast : Wilson and Panda
Location : Hotel

After the hotel check-in, Wilson received an intercom from Panda

Wilson : [picks up phone] “Hello ..”

Panda : “Wilson…. I can’t believe that I’m staying in such a big hotel room in Singapore….”

Wilson got freaked out and hung up.
—–

Case# 3 : Assignment in Singapore
Cast : Wilson and Panda
Location : Hotel lobby

They were meeting at the hotel lobby for a customer visit. Panda came down with a set of swollen eyes and lethargic look.

Wilson : “What happened to you ??”

Panda : “Oh .. the tv programmes are so good … that I watched them until 3 am …”

Wilson was dumbfucked.
—–

Case# 4 : Meeting with customer
Cast : Wilson, Panda and customer
Location : Customer’s office

When they were having discussion with customer about some support issue, Panda kept staring customer with a haggard look … that the customer actually got freaked out and paused halfway.

Customer then looked at Wilson, back at Panda, then Wilson, then Panda …. until Wilson figured that something went wrong. He later had to convince the customer that she was just being nervous.
—–

Case# 5 : Meeting with customer
Cast : Wilson, Panda and customer
Location : Customer’s office

Customer asked Panda a question. Panda gave customer a puzzled look with mouth wide agape. Customer repeated the question. Same thing happened. Customer asked the question for the third time. Panda responded “Haaaa …. ?”.

Wilson assured customer that Panda was actually having a deep thought about something.
—–

Case# 6 : customer visit post mortem
Cast : Wilson and Panda
Location : office

Wilson asks Panda about her professional observation about the whole case (he was expecting some personal evaluation and a case study).

Panda responded - “They said they didn’t know who Clam is….” (Clam is actually Wilson’s boss).

Wilson almost killed himself inside the office that day.
—–

Case# 7 : Information scouring
Cast : Wilson and Panda
Location : office

Wilson coached her on how to obtain some product information in an Excel format. She’s supposed to look for information about certain part. Panda opened the Excel file list and exclaimed “Wah.. so many info, how to look ?”

Wilson had to teach her to highlight the information and press CTRL+F (which is the shorcut keystroke for “Find”, a very commonly used function in Excel). A box pops up and she then asked “Then ? What should I do ?”

Wilson shouted at her “THEN ?? PASTE THE NUMBER INTO THE BOX … AND FIND LAH !!!”
*****

And many more tales that could shock any person the daylights out of them.

So, this proves to us one thing - that the intelligence of a person is not actually measured by their academic achievements. A person may flunk his/her exam, but that may not mean that he/she’s not intelligent. Vice versa - a person with excellent results in exam, may not be an intelligent person after all.

Academic achievements and qualifications are just some man-made guides to determine a person’s capability … which have an efficiency of less than half. The rest of the half, constitutes of disabled individuals and people who can’t afford themselves some basic education. Who knows we might have an Einstein inside the least fortunate half ? We’ll never know.

If you think of hooting me for belittling Panda, think twice. I was one of those individuals who’s has to tutor her … and I am suffering from high blood pressure getting her to understand stuffs that she should have known better than me. I deserve some rights to bitch about my misfortune. … after all, I pay for this space to bitch. So, if you don’t like this …screw you.