miss panda (extended)
Had a long chat with Wilson today, and I enticed him to reveal more about Panda. [apparently, she's much worse than I thought...]
*****
Panda’s background (based on what I can recall)
- Straight A’s in SPM
- Straight A’s in STPM
- MCSE (Microsoft Certified System Engineer)
- Intermediate certification in MS Office (or something like that)
- Bachelors Of Computer Science in UPM (with honours or something like that..)
A school teacher for 6 months before joining some roadworks company … for 1 year. Then she became jobless and joined some triad society specializing in pimping animal prostitution. Kidding. She joined some government jobless scheme … which I forgot what it’s called. She was then employed in my present workplace.
A degree holder with strong technical background - everyone wants to hire her … but little did we know ….
—–
Case # 1 : Assignment in Singapore
Cast : Wilson and Panda
Location : On the plane
When the plane touched down at Singapore, Panda turned to Wilson and said “Wilson….. I can’t believe I’m now in Singapore ….” [teary eyes]
Wilson was stupefied by her eccentric behavior.
—–
Case # 2 : Assignment in Singapore
Cast : Wilson and Panda
Location : Hotel
After the hotel check-in, Wilson received an intercom from Panda
Wilson : [picks up phone] “Hello ..”
Panda : “Wilson…. I can’t believe that I’m staying in such a big hotel room in Singapore….”
Wilson got freaked out and hung up.
—–
Case# 3 : Assignment in Singapore
Cast : Wilson and Panda
Location : Hotel lobby
They were meeting at the hotel lobby for a customer visit. Panda came down with a set of swollen eyes and lethargic look.
Wilson : “What happened to you ??”
Panda : “Oh .. the tv programmes are so good … that I watched them until 3 am …”
Wilson was dumbfucked.
—–
Case# 4 : Meeting with customer
Cast : Wilson, Panda and customer
Location : Customer’s office
When they were having discussion with customer about some support issue, Panda kept staring customer with a haggard look … that the customer actually got freaked out and paused halfway.
Customer then looked at Wilson, back at Panda, then Wilson, then Panda …. until Wilson figured that something went wrong. He later had to convince the customer that she was just being nervous.
—–
Case# 5 : Meeting with customer
Cast : Wilson, Panda and customer
Location : Customer’s office
Customer asked Panda a question. Panda gave customer a puzzled look with mouth wide agape. Customer repeated the question. Same thing happened. Customer asked the question for the third time. Panda responded “Haaaa …. ?”.
Wilson assured customer that Panda was actually having a deep thought about something.
—–
Case# 6 : customer visit post mortem
Cast : Wilson and Panda
Location : office
Wilson asks Panda about her professional observation about the whole case (he was expecting some personal evaluation and a case study).
Panda responded - “They said they didn’t know who Clam is….” (Clam is actually Wilson’s boss).
Wilson almost killed himself inside the office that day.
—–
Case# 7 : Information scouring
Cast : Wilson and Panda
Location : office
Wilson coached her on how to obtain some product information in an Excel format. She’s supposed to look for information about certain part. Panda opened the Excel file list and exclaimed “Wah.. so many info, how to look ?”
Wilson had to teach her to highlight the information and press CTRL+F (which is the shorcut keystroke for “Find”, a very commonly used function in Excel). A box pops up and she then asked “Then ? What should I do ?”
Wilson shouted at her “THEN ?? PASTE THE NUMBER INTO THE BOX … AND FIND LAH !!!”
*****
And many more tales that could shock any person the daylights out of them.
So, this proves to us one thing - that the intelligence of a person is not actually measured by their academic achievements. A person may flunk his/her exam, but that may not mean that he/she’s not intelligent. Vice versa - a person with excellent results in exam, may not be an intelligent person after all.
Academic achievements and qualifications are just some man-made guides to determine a person’s capability … which have an efficiency of less than half. The rest of the half, constitutes of disabled individuals and people who can’t afford themselves some basic education. Who knows we might have an Einstein inside the least fortunate half ? We’ll never know.
If you think of hooting me for belittling Panda, think twice. I was one of those individuals who’s has to tutor her … and I am suffering from high blood pressure getting her to understand stuffs that she should have known better than me. I deserve some rights to bitch about my misfortune. … after all, I pay for this space to bitch. So, if you don’t like this …screw you.
Mike,
We had a dude like that once and we checked out his creditials, turn out ALL of it was fake and all the certs were downloaded or altered. the guy said he got MBA, PhD and the whole sherbang from fucking great universities and after the first few days, he knows jack shit about basics !! You guys better check out her academic bg throughly - smells like a con job
i’ve met a few people like panda and they indeed makes me just want to scream my head off.
what u say is painfully true. they exist. and they are all around us.
Encore Encore *clap* *clap* Fewwwiiit!
Seriously dude, not sure whether I’m dealing with her in these weekly meetings.. .ARGH!!!
yeah u r right man. those people who flunk their exam doesnt mean they r not good. and those who are good in study doenst mean that they are good in doing things….
I guess wht u r doing is not wrong.
Firstly,
Great article man! 5-star quality!
Secondly,
TERMINATE THE BLOODY PANDA. Make her extinct man, before she decides to apply for a job in my company. Help! (what kind of Microsoft Cert Grad doesn’t know excel???)
Hmm…you find a lot of this Panda in advertising line too. and what very amuse is after the interview and all the nice portfolio, you found that she/he need one month to finish the project, but the date line is tomorrow.
bigman - apparently, she’s real. The guys usually ran a check on someone before hire .. so, i’m not sure what’s happening here.
uculer - these people are invading the world. the government (the guy with a wig), the bosses, damn.
jase - hahah … good luck to you man. Lookout for her, heed my advice.
humphrey - of course what i’m doing is not wrong… what were you thinking man ?
din - our team is working on it. Gonna squeeze her till she quits herself. Survival of the fittest - it’s the game of life.
twinsmom - not only advertising firm lah. A lot of salesman going around door to door are also calling themselves “sales engineer”. Go figure the rest. ahaks.
I must question your interview procedures. Wilson have noone else to blame but himself if he could not filter the piles of interviewees for retards.
hflee - there are some couples who had gone steady for years before getting married … only to discover that the partner has a totally different personality after marriage …. what more a mere 15 - 20 minutes of interview can do ?
Some people are just so well prepared for the interview but … comes nothing close in reality.
Coupled with the tolerance of human make mistakes, I wouldn’t blame Wilson for that … I felt that girl Panda should take up some initiatives to improve herself. I’ve seen people like this, they won’t be able to stay long in one place.
gonna squeeze til she quits? wht if.. she is very determined to stay on? hiakzz
First impression after reading this is that her credentials are fake! I have heard of horror stories like this, but this is absolutely ridiculous. She’s got certification from Microsoft for crying out loud! and she knows nuts about computers?! WTF?! Must be a con job! Or she could’ve cheated in her exams.
aiyo, i can imagine u coaching her. and she’s suppose to know her stuff. man… if would be cekikking her neck!!!
oops, should be I would be… not if. typo error.
strawroot - then aa … no idea lor.
janus - i think she’s for real. she could be the type that prefers to work alone, and would get overwhelmingly nervous+stupid when it comes to interaction with humans.
oliviasy - panda bites. i’m not cekik-ing her. using a crowbar to biff would probably be a better idea.
Her MCSE certification must be a photoshop job.
seriously man. it must be the superimpose thingy. this is scary. totally.
hahaha…freaking awesome post. How did she pass her interview with Wilson I wondered?
if i were you, i’ll kill her before i die of high blood pressure
hehe.. cannot tahan numbskulls…
This bitch is a classic example of an MSCE, Microsoft Sucks Cocks Engineer.
she probably don’t even know what a cock is … heheh
yesterday, an engineer told her 5.4K RPM hard drive…
she asked back “What is RPM ? What is 5.4K ?”
Can you actually believe that ?
Not really MSCE is a piece of worthles shit, you can pass it without even touching a PC.
I’ve had MSCE’s ask me before..
“So what is a DNS server?”
“TCP/IP huh?”
dude, is it MSCE or MCSE ? tiu… you confuse me ler ….
she’s an MCSE ler. Michaelooi Certified Stupid Engineer
MCSE I am Dyslopsix
Hmm … could she be a gorgeous chick then? Otherwise, how else did you think she got herself in? Looks & excellent paper qualifications = passes interview & gets job.
primroses - if you use a dugong as a standard, then she might be considered as a ‘gorgeous’.
I feel sorry for you because only an idiot would have that kind of mentality. Just don’t confirm her. She’ll get the picture and hopefully buck up.