December 16, 2004

miss panda

My colleague Wilson hired a female engineer a few months ago. It kinda got everyone excited to meet her, since we don’t have much female subordinates around.

Touted as a straight A scorer in all her academic records, she sorta gave everyone an impression that she’s a young, vibrant, intelligent and a good looking prodigy that would be the envy of all. (I am picturing her to look like Joey Yung or something like that.)

Why good looking ? Because my colleague Wilson is a well known finicky bloke… so, that girl must have possessed at least some level of attraction that made him hire her. Great.

Knowing our keen interest in his new female engineer, Wilson actually made us a favor. He arranged for her to train up in my lab for a couple of days – so that we can get to know her ‘better’. Nice.

Then came the first day, and I heard a faint knock on my lab door. The anticipation of meeting such a bimbo talented lady was so unbearable .. that I had to caper longer steps towards the lab door to open it for that new colleague.

*door sways open*

A silhouette of something resembled a bipedal primate with very thick neck.


“Who are you ?”
“I am Panda… Wilson new engineer.”

Great. She speaks like someone from China.

“You’re… the new engineer?”
“Yes I am”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. See the endangered bear’s name up there ? I named her that for a reason – that she’s as frigging hideous as a Panda.
You know, dark rim around the eyes, slanted sloppy sad look, a nose that resembled a pig snout, a face as big as her own caboose … I was so fucking disappointed.

“What do you want ?”

I suddenly lost all memories about her coming down to my lab for training ….

“I… errr… come here for training ?..”
“Oh… yes.. yeah .. right. Come in.”

That was when the nightmare began. She’s an engineer… that didn’t even know what a harddisk was ….

As a result of that, I had to spend the whole day explaining to her how a computer works and what her job function was. She’s just anything but intelligent.

Don’t believe me? Alright… yesterday, she came in to ask me what type of screwdriver she should buy to dismantle a computer…

“Michael .. I need to see you screwdriver. I need to buy one”
“See my screwdriver? That ain’t gonna work. Here, take some screws… match them up”
“How aa ?”
“Just try to fit one of the screws on the screwdriver. If it fits, that will be the screwdriver you want to buy”

And she proceeded to use a dummy screwdriver to poke at the bunch of screws on her palms… apparently, she was trying to “match” them up. Because the screwdriver has a magnetic tip, the screws kinda jumbled up at the tip. She then looked at me in an alarmed manner …

“Cannot match …”
“Noooooo.. you have to hold that screw with your hand. Then only you fit it to the tip of the screwdriver…”

As if it was still not bad enough, she asked a killer question

“Where can I buy a screwdriver ?”
“What?? You don’t know where to buy a screwdriver??”
“Supermarket ok or not ?”
“Just go to a hardware shop.”
“……” [blank look]
“You know what’s a hardware shop?”
“……” [blank look]
“The one that sells locks? Hammers? Paints and shits like that ?”
“Yah I know I know ! .. thanks Michael” [and she left]

And she’s suppose to be that “young, vibrant, intelligent and a good looking prodigy that would be the envy of all”. Oh, we were ssssso wronggggggg.

michaelooi  | characters  | 

22 Comments to “miss panda”

  1. andycjw says:

    straight A scorer = “young, vibrant, intelligent and a good looking prodigy that would be the envy of all”??? something must be wrong with you, you never been to a school or what? I know immediately what’s wrong when i first saw these 3 words “straight A scorer”

  2. auyongtc says:

    There goes your company’s share price… going down to match the level of her intelligence… :p

  3. paul says:

    yah. liadat one lar. my college’s scholarship student for IT degree all also dunno what DNS server is. something’s wrong with the education system.

  4. michaelooi says:

    andycjw – You ever been to a REAL school ? If your school houses ugly but intelligent people …. doesn’t mean the whole world would be the same. Let’s just say, the intelligent people I met before this … are all ‘screwable’. Bite this kid… you’ve never seen enough yet.

    auyongtc – it’s stable now.

    paul – yeah … i would say, the 21st century’s graduates aren’t the same as before. They’re now all just exam scorers …

  5. Heheh… My condolence… Can’t imagine that somebody doesn’t even know how to use a screwdriver can be an engineer

  6. ahmog says:

    Tuk Sei Shue – “Study Dead Books” .. means: remembering the facts without understanding the concept.

    I bet if you teach her 1 + 2 = 3 on the calculator as an example .. she might only know how to use JUST THAT function. The rest .. she might ask you when she needs it.

    No sense of creativity = “liddat how to become an en-jin-near?”

  7. Jase says:

    Eh dude, has Wilson’s taste in women has dulled over the recent years?

  8. shanks says:

    where is she from and where did she grad from? i have to admit, gals with penang, ipoh, and malacca blood are usually cun, but i encounter some low qc specimens before.

  9. oliviasy says:

    wahlauweh… like dat oso can? where did wilson pick her up from? rejected pile ke? but yea, most kids these days are book smart only, anything else outside the book they r totally blur.

  10. Buaya69 says:

    *warning – Michael Ooi bashing ahead* ;)

    ahem.. maybe wilson couldn’t get any sexier engineer ladies to work there coz they have all heard of michael ooi, thus high rate of offer turndowns?

    hehehe ;) ;)

  11. strawroot says:

    poor u michael seems like u r really prone to meeting ppl like tht more n more often. well panda could be a blessing in disguise, just be optimistic, at least she is not gonna distract u at work :P

  12. 100 says:

    I can hardly believe it. I mean straight A scorer and you dont know where to get a screwdriver, what type of screwdriver to use…I wonder what’s next? These are basic things that dont required an engineering brain to know the answer! Meanwhile, Michael, if this is a cun babe, would you treat her a little better?

  13. robynn says:

    every post of urs…u have problem with looks beside what u really want to tell. u must be creme de la creme i hope to be able to put them down like this.

  14. robynn says:

    yeah, wont come again…dont bother to waste time explaining urself.

  15. michaelooi says:

    kk – i’ll show her to you when we have the chance.

    ahmog – don’t be surprised … there are some engineers that don’t even know English.

    jase – wilson thought that panda has a good brain … but apparently, she’s a real panda.

    shanks – I don’t know. I’ll try to ask Wilson during our lunch today.

    olivia – she’s not a kid. She’s twenty fucking seven this year. damn…

    buaya – i’m not that famous lar.

    strawroot – yeah, at least I have an experience working with an endangered species. Optimistic… yeah.

    100 – dude, I DID NOT ILL TREAT HER ler… SHE ILL TREATED ME…. kesian me a bit, ok ?
    if she’s cun … I would have called her something else. Not Panda.

    robynn – I couldn’t understand what you’re trying to say. Get some education.

  16. mdmafia says:

    Pandas are cute. Don’t mensiahsuikan pandas like that. :)

  17. hflee says:

    Let me attempt at deciphering robynn’s message:

    “every post of urs…u have problem with looks beside what u really want to tell. u must be creme de la creme i hope to be able to put them down like this.”

    In every of your posts, you focus on the looks (of your subjects) besides the real topic. You must be the top of the pile (in terms of looks). I hope to be able to .. ah I got lost with this last sentence. “Put down” = to kill in a merciful way?

    “yeah, wont come again…dont bother to waste time explaining urself. ”

    Yeah, I won’t come back to this blog, so don’t bother to waste your time explaining.

  18. michaelooi says:

    mdmafia – oh… i didn’t thought of that. To all the pandas reading this out there, I am sorry to have tainted your name. Your next bamboo meal is on me.

    hflee – thanks for deciphering. we all know you are very clever now … keep up the good work.

  19. doc says:

    mdmafia : The correct word is mempersiahsuikan. But last I heard some girl copyrighted it – forgot who liao.

  20. Din says:

    I feel for you mike. We got a new fellow trainee in the office early this month. Although she may qualify for a ‘cute’ title, she is bloody blur man. She’s 23. I’m 21.

  21. vincent says:

    creme de la creme?

    fuck. i hate people who use words like that in casual speech. trying to sound posh. actually is some kinda person exactly like panda.

    people who read a lot, study a lot, but end up hopeless in life.

  22. iblogme says:

    *smacks forehead*


    Not by your vivid descriptions, but by Panda’s blur sotong-ness(TM).

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