December 13, 2004

moolah sucker

*this is for the guys – here’s a situation for you to ponder and learn, in case you ever get into such predicament, you’ll know what to do. Girls, you are prohibited from reading this post. If you ever attempt to read this post, nothing will happen to you.

Imagine… you have a girlfriend. Not very good looking, just meagerly adequate. She doesn’t have big boobs either, nor does she have a great body. She’s just plain slim and that’s all.

Slim… because she only eats 1 meal everyday. As a result of that, she has gastric problems. And each time her gastric strikes, she’s gonna give you a hard time. Yell at you, make your life miserable… that type of shit.

Alright, then, she has this very ‘expensive’ hobby too. She would often survey stacks of fashion magazines and record down some of the most “yeah” designer clothes she favors… and then will attempt to scour for matches at local boutiques. And her pay is not even enough to sustain her own shopping habit.

That’s where the problem lies. She needs you to sustain her wanton ways… you know, to pay for her designer clothes, her jewelries, her car, her family, et cetera. So that she gets to flaunt it in front of her retarded friends… and also show off her slim figure. Not that you’re rich or anything but, she’s FRIGGING EXPENSIVE.

If you ever fail to fulfill her requirements, you’re gonna have to wank inside the toilet yourself. She’s gonna refuse you sex. And she’s not gonna answer your calls or accept any persuasion… until you get her something even MORE EXPENSIVE in return. You get the idea.

So, if you were to have this kind of girlfriend, what would you do ?

A) Do nothing about it and life goes on.
B) Dump the bitch.
C) Slap the bitch and then dump her.
D) Slap the bitch, dump her and slap her again.

If you chose any answer other than D, you’re a real screwed up wimp. You ought to be born a transvestite or some invertebrates. You’re just anything but a real man.

Obviously, a real man would choose option D. Why? Here’s why …

The first slap, is to grab her attention. (girls like this would yell non stop during an argument and it’s impossible to get her to listen to anything). Then you dump her.

“I am dumping you, bitch. I hope you’ll go bankrupt for shopping too much and have an everlasting marriage to a piece of dildo”

Followed by another slap (a few more slaps if necessary). This is to ensure she gets the message and never try to bother you again. If she ever attempts to retaliate with force or anything, just knock her out with a crowbar or anything huge (television, medium sized furniture, should work just fine) and bail. Make sure you change your phone number and dig back all your credit cards from her purse. And your life should boot back to it’s normal path.

Another community message brought to you by Michaelooi dot net.

*have a friend who was stuck to this type of parasite. His life is screwed and is forever in peril, unless he does something about it – which to my reckoning, isn’t going to happen. May the god bless his soul.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 

26 Comments to “moolah sucker”

  1. MunKit says:

    Is there ever someone getting himself stuck in a situation like this? being ugly (ok not pretty means ugly) is already a big no-no.. (well maybe some degree of inner beauty can compensate that part)

    anyway, it’s still hard to imagine who would like an ugly boastful shopaholic.

  2. lk says:

    lol, “love” is certainly weird at times to the point of wondering what the hell that dude sees in tht chick

  3. kimberlycun says:

    she must be gawddamn awesome in bed and did she took his virginity?

  4. hanyi says:

    mike, i am DEFINITELY a wimp … because i would choose “B” anytime. yes, i would. there’s no doubt about it. the bitch can whack me … but i never lay a finger on any woman … lady or bitch. never. i am a wimp alright and i am proud of it.

  5. 100 says:

    was choosing B…until I read every options available. My teacher is right, read all options before choosing. A, B, C are acceptable answer but in this MCQ, D is the best answer.

  6. hanyi says:

    i read ALL options alright … but still choose “B”. yep, i am a wimp. hehe :)

  7. michaelooi says:

    my definition of women – someone of opposite sex who has all the feminine features and characters.

    my definition of feminine – someone who’s polite, tender, soothing, vulnerable and in need of our protection, loving, caring, and above all, has the sex appeal to the male gender.

    my definition of sex appeal – someone with a nice rack and ass. And an awesome figure that would make other women envy green.

    my definition of awesome figure – 34-24-34 (tolerance of 1/2% are accepted)

    So, hanyi, that’s NOT a woman. Slap at will.

  8. oliviasy says:

    hey! i know someone stuck in such a situation too! and worst! the girl doesn’t even work! and she yells and verbally abuses the guy! how they can last for 7yrs man…

  9. Elphinstone says:

    I have a friend like that too!! she’s born in a rich family, but she made her bf (whose parents are not rich) pay for all her expenses… and they lived (not quite so) happily ever after :P

  10. hanyi says:

    okie mike … clear picture liao. please pass me the “folding chair” (those used in hongkong movies for gang fights) … or maybe the damned folding table also. if don’t want to whack … then don’t whack; but if want to whack, whack until 9 9 …. hehe :)

  11. lilian says:

    My answer – E, all of D plus, put her un-Wanted poster on the internet.

  12. MunKit says:

    i would strongly advise lilian not torture us internet community :P

  13. shanks says:

    yeah, D is the only way to go since these horrid creatures might turn around and say, “you’re not dumping me, i’m dumping you!”

    instead of arguing who is dumping who, a slap or two should be able to curb that.

    michael – i think u have enough of these to create a blog category called “men dating women 101″ or something like that. it will do the male community a lot of good.

  14. michaelooi says:

    olivia – what ? the girl doesn’t work and spends like pouring water ? that’s not a girl, that’s a virus !

    elphine – damn, rich girl robbing poor boy’s money. She deserves cap popping, not just walloping.

    hanyi – yeah .. that’s more like it. gimme a five.

    lilian – post her unwanted posters would only make her feel more condescend. I would say, tattoo the phrase “I am a blood sucker. Avoid me at all cost” onto her tits, ass and tummy (or all over her body) … so that she’ll never get to wear sleeveless top or hippy pants ever again.

    munkit – you spoke my words. :-)

    shanks – I might do that as soon as I have the time to add more categories. Was thinking of a category called “Education” … a compendium of all my smart-advice posts … ahaks…

  15. mdmafia says:

    I chose D too. That’s why I am going to Hell, and I’ll see ALL OF YOU there! Bwahahahaha…

  16. Din says:

    Parasites. Urgh….Better stay single than screwed.

  17. michaelooi says:

    mdmafia – only cool people goes to hell. YEAH ! [sticks out tongue a.k.a KISS style]

    din – make no mistake dude. not all girls are like this. there are plenty more good girls out there. Why give up ?

  18. ahmog says:

    Parasites.. choose F.

    F. Retaliate, go into a heated argument & dump her.

    There are better choices out there.. Love is found in the strangest & least unlikely places. Don’t know about you guys.. there are A LOT around.. just have to open your eyes to see..

  19. iblogme says:

    Ok. Nothing has happened to me. Take the darn curse off, Michael.

    I guess it takes two to tango. The poor guy should have taken a permanent leave of her a long, long time ago. Ok, love is blind, and deaf.

  20. iblogme says:

    Arks. I forgot to compliment this: –
    “Another community message brought to you by Michaelooi dot net.”


    Pls undo the curse now.

  21. michaelooi says:

    ahmog – i agree. there are still many more girls with nice racks around. kih kih kih.

    hustler – these days ? it’s ALL THESE WHILE.

    iblogme – what curse ? *confused*

  22. radnexus says:

    Haiya! Why blame the girl only? She done nothin’ wrong. In fact, she’s just exercising one of the golden rule of life, “why spend your money when you can spend someone else’s…?”

    Anyway, I think she chose the right guy. She picked a f***ing wimp and squeezed him dry. If he’s too blind to notice that, well good for her. I think her boyfriend needs a slap and a kick in the groin for being such a putz.

    I say, Power To The Bitches!!!

  23. michaelooi says:

    radnexus – you have a point there. But then, because that wimp happens to be one of my best buddy, I would still say, SCREW THE BITCH.

  24. homer says:

    Here’s another option. I would do this instead.

    G) First screw the leaving daylights out of her (do all those nasty things you see in porn movies), then slap her (cause she’ll complain that she’s not that type of girl), then tell her she’s the worst screw anyone could ever have cause she fucks like a doped up degenerate sloth and smells worse than a rotting pig in a pig stye, then DUMP her and finally slap her again or how ever many times that you feel necessary. That will shut the bitch up.

    *ahh.. to be single again…*

  25. michaelooi says:

    homer – i thought i am evil … but you set the whole new standard. [packs and leave]

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