November 15, 2004

pyrotechnic bird

You see, I have a known problem since childhood.

Ok, maybe some of you think I have A LOT OF PROBLEMS and this is no surprise but, what I’m trying to say is, I have a known MEDICAL problem. Since childhood.

It’s about my brain – it tends to get overheat at times. And each time that happens, I would be deluged with an immense agony of migraine. It’s a long story on how / why I have this condition, let’s just say, I have a near death experience before and this is the price I have to pay for being alive today.

Over the years, I have grown to get inured to the suffering and this isn’t a big deal for me. Each time that migraine comes, I will just hoover a couple tabs of paracetamol, and rub a few drops of medicated oil on my temple. That usually does the trick of easing the ache off. And this is why, I always have a couple bottles of medicated oil kept handy in my lab – just in case, you know, that motherfucking headache comes.

Alright, I’m gonna have to pause right here to explain about this ‘medicated oil’. This thing, I’m not sure if it exists in anywhere in the west but, it’s kinda popular among the Chinese community here. It’s sort of like a multi purpose convenient oil – known for its relieving properties for headache, stomachache, nausea, running nose, sex… I was kidding about the last one. No you can’t use it to lube your dick for fucking – because this thing is HOT. Super HOT. It’s gonna burn your partner’s labium or even scorches your own dick. No shit.

A typical medicated oil contains about 15 – 20% of menthol (differs from brand to brand)… with the rest of ingredients like paraffin and camphor. Which means, this thing can only be used externally, on non-sensitive parts only. Contacts with sensitive parts on our body (eyes, genitals, anus, nipples) could result in uncontrollable spasmodic outburst of reflexes like jumping around skankily and on some really extreme cases, regular convulsions. You get the idea. (I’ve blogged about medicated oil before – some absurd joke by my late father – here)

Back to the storyline – One day (that was last week or the week before, I think), I got into this very trying situation. The much dreaded headache came after returning from a hot afternoon lunch. Colleague’s car had a faulty air conditioner and sort of microwaved my brain half done. Almost immediately, I raced into my lab to grab that bottle of medicated oil, and rubbed vigorously on my head to soothe it down. I was literally pouring an abundant amount from that bottle and gave myself a massage on the head.

In matter of seconds, my entire head was overwhelmed with that cool menthol effect, and it felt good… until it spread into my eyes. I didn’t know how the oil got into my fucking eyes but, my reaction was to rush to the nearby toilet (with my eyes half shut) to gush away the oil directly with tap water before I go blind or something. Well, it certainly helped. Though a bit swollen and teary, the burning effect on my eyes gradually subsided and my vision was restored.

Well, since I was already inside the toilet, I decided to take a piss. Guess what happened?

My hands. They’re still covered with those medicated oil. No I didn’t wash my hands after taking care of my eyes. Without suspecting anything, I sashayed towards the urinal, whipped out my weeny and began to drain my bladder. Had to hold that beast down with my hands because the gushing urine will create a strong backdraft that could flutter it all over the place. With that, I had inadvertently ‘applied’ the medicated oil onto my prick, without realizing it.

Halfway through the experience, I suddenly felt a peachy cool sensation down there. It felt kinda strange at first, as if my dick was being caressed by a soft winter breeze… (try to take a piss in a winter cold weather, you’ll get what I mean). But post a couple of seconds, suddenly, it felt like it was on fire or something. Shit. And I hadn’t done pissing yet.

I was literally stuck. I couldn’t cut off my business to run dangling halfway through the lavatory into the booth to wash my lizard. It would be hell too embarrassing to do so. Besides, the toilet booths kinda stink and full of congealed shits. So, I had no choice but to bite my lips submitting to the fiery wrath of the almighty medicated oil – at least until the burning sensation wore off.

How long until the burning sensation wore off ? A little over a minute and a half – that was way long after I had finished watering the urinal hole. If you ask me, I would say that it felt more like a fucking hour and a half of torment there… goddamn it.

So, to you people out there who fancies sadomasochism, if you’re looking for something more exciting than whips, metal pinchers or hot wax, I would highly recommend using medicated oil on your private parts. Besides being, err kinky, it’s medicinal properties could probably prevent genital wards, yeast infection or even the most common venereal diseases. I don’t know, try it and let me know.

Don’t have to thank me if it works.

Lesson learnt : Always wash your hands before and after taking a leak.

michaelooi  | happenings  | 

15 Comments to “pyrotechnic bird”

  1. ShaolinTiger says:

    How about you try this one..

    Seduce a chick by cooking some awesome food (food which unforuntely for her involed chopping chili padi)..

    Then later get intimate with said female..

    And watch her jump around the room like a mad thing, funny in hindsight..but not at the time.

    Also please remember wash your hands after chopping/deseeding chillis..and dont pick your nose whilst doing it either…that’s also rather painful.

  2. 100 says:

    Man…guess the precaution taken as engineer was thrown away with nature’s calling…

  3. cmos says:

    Medicated oil… the Chinese community’s equivalent of WD40… all purpose medicine… ;)

  4. doc says:

    So did you have uncontrollable spasmodic outburst of reflexes like jumping around skankily in the toilet? LOL!

  5. paul says:

    i think the western community has it. there’s this song that has a line that does ‘rub it with camphorated oil~~’

  6. michaelooi says:

    shaolintiger – hahah .. might as well pour a can or turpentine onto her tits … it has the same results anyway.

    100 – yeah man. I should’ve worn a condom to work.

    cmon – it doesn’t act like a lubricant though … but you can always try it.

    kimberlycun – thanks for the morbid reminder.

    jefferi – …

    doc – sort of.

    paul – yeah, i think they have their own version of medicated oil. It’s just that … they’re not that widely utilized.

  7. doc says:

    I suggest a urine bag. You won’t have to do that 100-meter dash that often, only when the bag has reached its full capacity…

  8. michaelooi says:

    doc – i don’t rub minyak angin on my dick all the time lah … and i don’t have problems pissing… k ?

  9. 100 says:

    doc- you make michael looks he need to wear ‘pampers’ or diper

  10. michaelooi says:

    pampers won’t fit me … something’s gonna poke through it from the front….

  11. zbjernak says:

    experienced it once….cannot stand, have to go shower and rinse it off..

    hehehehehehehe

  12. ig says:

    hahaha..I’m one who is addicted to medicated oil….the experience with your eyes..I’ve had it a dozen of times!!

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