the barf cycle

We humans created the metrics system to measure something. It sort of eliminated the uncertainties that our ancestors had to endure in ancient times. Our lives prospered and our sciences advanced, all because of the metrics system.

“A 3 foot long dick, excluding the holim” and your audience will instantly go “WOW !” without having the need to thoroughly decipher the length.

“a girl with a 34D rack” and the crowds go wild without having the need to actually witness the real thing.

Something like that.

But there are a lot of things that are still left without any metrical measurements. Or just simply, they are immeasureable.

One of the most common but critical immeasureable factor is UGLINESS. It’s really hard to measure how ugly a person is. It seems that we human can’t really agree to a set of defined standard that could determine how hideous a ratfink ranks.

Well, that is about to change, for I … have discovered a way to make people connotate the depth of ugliness. We don’t have to use adjectives to describe an ugly person no more. Just use michaelooi’s… THE BARF CYCLE METRICS.

Here’s how it works:

I’m sure there’s a lot of us out there have experienced throwing up before. Be it alcohol induced or other reasons, they are the same. The moment you plops your head directly into the toilet bowl, you’ll feel some pressure from within that forcefully spouts out your half digested bolus of food or stomach lining goos.

The feeling’s terrible .. and it will last for a couple or more seconds and stop. Then if the queasy feeling persists, you’ll barf more.

That period which you continuously barf and then stop, is regarded as 1 BARF CYCLE.

How does this relate to the UGLINESS factor ? Easy. We use Cher as the standard. She’s equivalent to 1 barf cycle. That means, she’s so ugly that she could make one barf for 1 barf cycle. The maximum is 5 barf cycles. Anything beyond that would be surreal and probably a fiction.

The Barf Cycle Table.
1 Barf cycle = a person who’s so hideous that it’ll give you some uncomfortable feelings and puke for 1 barf cycle. May potentially cause loss of appetite.

2 Barf cycles = a very ugly person that makes you puke 2 barf cycles and a permanent nauseous feel. Side effects includes loss of appetite and nightmares.

3 Barf cycles = puke 3 barf cycles, permanent nauseous feel, loss of appetite, nightmares, hairloss and nosebleed. A person of this rating would probably lose the rights to vote, to legally drive or participate in any public events. Required to wear a mask to avoid public injury.

4 Barf cycles = puke 4 barf cycles, permanent nauseous feel and headache, loss of appetite, nightmares, hairloss, nosebleed, gout, gastric, high blood pressure, minor stroke, inability to control some of your limb functions. A person of this rating would be arrested by police on sight and possibly executed without trials. A mask usually won’t help.

5 Barf cycles = puke 5 barf cycles, induces palsy, possibly even permanent brain damage. The ugliness of this magnitude is legendary. Animals would attack the subject on sight, and is considered a hazard to human population. Would be executed on sight without trials, exhumed, sealed in a container, packed into a concrete drum and ploppled into the ocean.

One can never exceed 5 barf cycles … coz if you do, you’ll be completely black out and never get to barf ever again.

So, next time, if you want to describe how ugly a person is, you may use this BARF CYCLE METRICS for a more standardized expression.

An example :
ToiletWhore ? = 2 barf cycles.
ToiletWhore without her makeup ? = 3 barf cycles
ToiletWhore without her makeup and flashes her armpit hairs ? = 5 full barf cycles

You got the idea.