homer

There’s a guy in my office that looked very much like Homer Simpson. With a little bit of hair off his head and some yellow paint on his skin - WHAM ! You got a perfect replica of Homer.

Homer sits near a very busy walkway - which was how I noticed that uncanny resemblance. I get to see his funny face a few times a day, everyday. Each time I walk past his cube, I would sneak a snigger or two thinking if they are actually twins.

But then, this guy had a cleaner reputation than the real Homer. Instead of being a paranoid and dumb fart, he’s kinda suave and very much on the silent side. Not a hint of evil. But that squeaky clean image changed utterly when I inadvertently caught him doing ’something’ a couple days ago.

I was walking back to my desk as usual, when I saw Homer’s head inside his cube from approximately 30 ft away. His head was bobbing up and down, sort of doing something.

20 ft, his face was fully visible, apparently, he was busy doing something. Full concentration.

10 ft, I can see him sitting in an awkward pose on his chair. Still, in full concentration on whatever he was doing.

5 ft, I saw Homer took out one of his hands and took a long whiff, followed by an expression of euphoria cum satisfaction. I gasped in horror.

He immediately noticed my exasperation and quickly turned away in an embarassed manner.

Gawwwd ! What the fuck was he whiffing out from his hand ? This is so traumatically gross goddamn it ! From my understanding, people only whiff their hands when

1) They touched something that was unknown to them, and decided to take a whiff to find out.

2) They were digging/rubbing/excavating dirts from their private parts and whiff at them for some sickening sexual gratification.

From his expression after taking that whiff, I reckoned it could very likely be the latter one. Bleargghh !

Lesson learnt : Be very careful on who you shake your hands with… there are a lot of sick and sadistic people out there.