I have a 20 yrs old cousin whom we called Boy. Well, he is, a boy, if it’s not that obvious to you. He’s a very special dude. Special in some ways that people refer as ‘disabled’.

That’s right. He was born with a special condition that practically weakens every single muscle in his physical body, including his heart. (some advanced condition of cerebral palsy). He can’t walk, has difficulty to control things, and he even has some form of speech impediment.

Usually, he moves around by crawling on the floor, if not pushed around on his wheelchair by someone. Well, that’s because he doesn’t have the strength to even roll his own wheel.

But he is strong in another aspect. His mind. Albeit he was born with all the mentioned disadvantages, he never lacked of wit. Instead of sitting around relinquishing his fate in the hands of others, he would seek for opportunities to make money.

Over his teenage years, he learned how communicate and established a string of contacts that supplied him a variety of goods that he can make profit of. Public phone cards, cell phone prepaid cards, direct sales goods, etc. He makes roughly around RM 1200 (maybe more) per month.

That really makes me admire his perseverence and tenacity. If I were to be as unfortunate as him, I’m not even sure if I can achieve half of what he had achieved. That puts a lot of us abled people to shame, especially those who claim that they couldn’t find themselves a job and decided to be a parasitic family sloth.

*slap slap* Wake the fuck up ! If a cripple can find himself a way to make money, why can’t you ??

Alright, that wasn’t really about getting a job. This is about something else. Lately, Boy has been getting some kind of a deal in a departmental store selling lotteries. A few extra hundreds by just sitting around in his wheelchair selling those lotteries to hundreds of daydreamers.

He said he gets to meet more people with this job.. than staying at home facing his annoying grandmother who only knows how to nag him. (he gets to ogle at girls too, especially when they bend down to buy some lotteries from him). The girls are just doing him some charity and he’s just admiring the view.

Alright, kidding aside. With this job, he gets to meet a lot of nice people. People who didn’t mind about his problems. Some would help him to convenient himself at the washroom and some would even buy him food. Really nice people.

But sadly, he also met the worst lot of assholes in our society. Believe it or not, his lotteries would get stolen almost everyday. Some would cheat on him (pay money for one but took the whole stack), some would just plainly steal. And each time his inventory of lotteries does not match the money that he has collected, he will have to whip out the extra cash to compensate for the lost lottery.

I mean, what kind of sick people would steal from a disabled person ?? Well, the statistics told us… that the majority of the perpetrators and thieves are mostly HOUSEWIVES. Middle aged fat fucking housewives. They are the most immoral of all lots.

The latest incident was on Saturday night, a motherfucking housewife stole a pack of cheese from the departmental store, and a stack of lotteries from Boy. When that bitch realized she got marked by the security, she planted the stolen cheese on Boy’s wheelchair, and tried to flee.

Nevertheless, she got caught. She tried to deny that she had stolen anything and that cheese was stolen by my DISABLED cousin. The camera actually caught all that and she was made to pay a hefty fine.

HELLLO !!?!? My cousin has trouble to even wheel himself to move around, how the fuck would he be able to STEAL a pack of cheese !?? That’s how immoral and stupid some people are.

I mean, look at that particular housewife. What is the difference between her and a bank robber ? Worse. A bank robber doesn’t blame his crime on a disabled person when he got caught.

I wonder what is the point for her to be a devoted porcelain God worshipper praying for her own prosperity … while she goes around shoplifting and blaming a disabled person for whatever she had done ? Our world is becoming a big sad planet with very sick people on it.

People who shoplifts and take advantage of the disabled, ought to be slapped to death. (Sepak sampai mati)

Have been real occupied since Friday night and finally woke up today as a free man.

Friday night.
Supposed to be an innocent night of simple outing with the guys at a local karaoke joint - you know, to flex my golden voice of mesmerizing and stuff. But instead of all that, it turned out to be a record breaking event of following :

- the night that we drank most beer in our partying history - 6 active person downing 22 over large jugs of beer.

- the longest karaoke event ever - 7pm till over 3am. That’s roughly the amount of time taken to fly from Tokyo to Los Angeles.

We were so blitzed that we actually kidnapped the bouncer of that karaoke joint and forced him to down 5 glasses of beer straight before we releases him. He was later found hiding in a dark secluded vacant karaoke room hiding from us.

End of the night - 2 casualties. They barfed their biles out and crashed without gaining consciousness (no, I’m not one of them).

Saturday morning.
I woke the next morning at 8 am with a really bad headache and drove to work. I smelled of alcohol and looked like a dude who’s having a financial crisis. I was slow at work, and was rubbing medicated oil on my head frantically from time to time. Headache sucks.

Saturday afternoon.
Got home and crashed. I dreamt of horrifying stuffs - of me losing my voice and diagnosed with the Armstrong syndrome (the guy who sang What A Wonderful World).

Armstrong syndrome = a very coarse voice with a lot of phlegm inside one’s throat.

Saturday evening
I woke up at 6.30pm. I was suppose to be at my grandpa’s place at 6.30pm. There’s a family dinner or something that my mom had asked me to join. I had to get dressed and ready pronto, then rushed to meet them up.

I drove dangerously and recklessly on the road. People hated me.

Saturday night
Ayamas messaged if I wanted to party and drink like a fish. I told him that I still haven’t changed back to my original human form .. from drinking like a fish on the previous night… and declined.

After fetching those bunch of senior citizens home, another division of the guys called for a hang out at Sega Fredo for some really expensive beverages - which, out of my addled brain, I joined them.

Hung out way past midnight, reached home at almost 1 am and crashed again.

I felt so exhausted. I used to be able to do way better than this. Signs of old age.

When I was a kid, I love to associate the front side of a car ….to a look of a face. That’s exactly what happened today during my lunch with the BOE’s (Board of Engineers).

Me : “Dude, check out that Nissan X-trail..”

Wilson : “What about it ?”

Me : “Piece of junk”

Wilson : “Couldn’t agree more..”

Me : “It’s front view reminded me the face of a crab. A big, hairy, fucking crab.”

Wilson : “Hahah .. yeah, it looks like a crab alright. Damn, they’re using seafood as an inspiration to design automobiles nowadays…”

Words can’t describe it. Just take a look at Nissan X-Trail, and it will automatically make your brain think of crabs … or some large crustacean critter beneath the ocean that feeds of rotten carcasses.

More examples :

Proton Wira would remind me the face of a cat.
BMW 5 series, a nasty face of a whale shark
Volvo S80 (dubbed as the Chinese casket with 4 wheels) reminds me of some old dude with a big nose
Honda City the flowerhorn fish car (with a matching tail and shape, goddamn).
Proton Juara looked like some freaked out stick insect.
I always associate Hyundai Sonata with Rob Steward’s face, or that Wormtongue guy in Lord of The Rings.
Perodua Kancil looked like a petite underaged female student wearing a big thick glass.
Hyundai Elantra had the look of some fat teenage geek with no life.
Toyota Vios …. a face of a small annoying mongrel (Odie)
Toyota Altis …. some faggot with a baby face
Know what Gen2 reminds me of ? A mime. You know what’s a mime ? A mime’s a freaking clown that mimics everything you do and annoys the shit out of you.
Nissan 130Y - some Chinese professor with thick collagen filled lips.

Will update more if I think of any.

I was walking along my workplace’s big ass carpark with Eric and Doug. Eric was beside me and Doug was slightly to the front. We just came back from a very good lunch and were talking about stuffs when suddenly, I heard a faint sound of rumble. Then, followed by a loud, low frequency bellowing howl without echo, which came from behind us. POOOOT.

That’s when I yelped

“FUCK ERIC ! YOU SUCK !”

That’s Eric’s fart. Ripped right beside me. Instead of showing some remorse of his contemptible act, he gave me a snigger.

I immediately scampered to the front with Doug, as I do not want to procrastinate until Eric’s foul gas reaches my nostril. I was complaining that to Doug :

“Damn that immoral midget ! He fucking farted !”

That’s when I hear another BVOOOORRTT ! with a slight vibration felt on the ground. It was Doug’s fart this time.

“HOLY SHIT DOUG !” And I ran away from both of them.

Then Eric replied his fart, PFFFOOOOOOT !
Doug farts back, BRAAAAAAAPPP !

“WHAT THE FUCK !?!?!?” I shouted at them from a few meters away, to which, they ignored.

Doug and Eric then gave each other a pat on the shoulder for a flatulence well done, and laughed indecorously at me for being such a queer.

Goddamn ! Aren’t old people suppose to be role model and shits like that ?

Fortunately, they did not do all that inside my car…

I’m trying to be frank to the girls here

- no, that absurd shoe with thick sole doesn’t look good on any type of legs. It’s disgusting and makes the noblest of angel looked like a crack whore from the darkest of alley.

- scarves doesn’t look good either. Any color. In fact, they reminded us guys of tranvestites that was trying to hide their protruded Adam’s apple. Please, rid of them.

- think of showing your navels by wearing those short blouse ? Only if you have a flat ab. Just wake up, nobody fancy looking at lards.

- if you’re wearing a tight rubber/lycra pants, please, rid of those big ass undies. Wear a thong or nothing at all.

- polka dots are only good if you’re still a kindergarten undergrad, or you have problem doing a grade 1 math.

- if you have a muscular leg that rivals T-Rex’s, please, do the guys a favor, don’t fuckin’ be wearing any miniskirts. It’s horrendous.

- your yellow colored sneaker won’t match any of your clothes. Throw them away, save yourself some disgrace.

- if you have small tits, don’t be wearing a padded/oversized bra. We sense unnatural tits like our own’s. Small tits doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But padded tits are always a turn down.

- if you’re menstruating, stay at home.

- knee high boots are only for sluts and dominatrixes. They are sexually explicit in nature and won’t make you look any much charmer.

- those artificial essence that lubes the condom have long term side effects when ingested orally. If you get my drift.

- hairy armpit sucks. Shave them, pluck them, or incinerate them, whatever. They are a major turn off and on some cases, could inflict permanent erectile dysfunction.

- if you accidentally bumps your rack at someone, you apologize. You don’t just stand there and stare as if that person had just deliberately kneaded your tits till it goes purple.

- nobody gives a fuck if you wear a thong like everyone else. So, stop showing them off in public by wearing a ridiculously low cut jeans/pants.

Please, be considerate.