September 30, 2004

battle of the sexes

My mind wandered off into oblivion when Emily and I were stuck in a traffic jam again last night. With a gloomy and scowling expression, I was thinking hard about some serious stuff. Stuff that had been encumbering my soul for the past few days — “where the hell should I party during my holidays ??”

There were usually there for only a short lapse of time, being paved aside by the attention needed to advance a few feet in the stagnant traffic. And the whole cycle would repeat itself until the car in front moves again. It was all silent except listening to my own thoughts and the radio.

That was when Emily switched to a Chinese radio station – and the voice of a gingerly female DJ started to fill the cabin. I was partially listening to it while I was deep into my trance of thoughts.

Apparently, the DJ was kinda giving an advice to a stupid bitch who called up the radio station earlier — about her triangle love problem. The caller’s situation was, she was infatuated with 2 guys at the same time, and decided to call in to ask the DJ for opinion.

I shook my head in disbelief upon learning that. Like, what makes one think that a radio DJ is the best person on Earth to solve his/her love-hate relationship? For god’s sake, a DJ is just like any ordinary person – THAT HASN’T GOT A CLUE about you and your mongoloid puppy love. Might as well ask your neighbor’s son. It would have been all the same.

Here is what the radio DJ actually advised the caller (translated from Cantonese) :

“Ask yourself, who would you think of… when you’re sad or unhappy. Then, who would you think of… when you’re at your happiest moment. If you already have the answer… then, that could be the person you love most…”

That’s when I protested out loudly in the car,

Me : “Oh come on! That’s so retarded.”

Emily : “What’s wrong with you? Do you even understand what the DJ was talking about?”

Me : “Of course I do. A slut fell in love with 2 guys. And she’s calling the national radio to consult the DJ”

Emily : “The called just wanted to know about more opinions…”

Me : “It’s always about the girls. Things would be much more simpler for the guys.”

Emily : “Alright then, how would you choose if you happen to fall in love with 2 girls at the same time?”

Sensing a trap, I quickly devised a smart reply

Me : “Oh no… dear. You know I would never love another… you’re my only love.”

Emily : “You don’t have to be afraid… just, answer the question. Try to picture yourself in that caller’s situation.”

That was a clearance for me to be honest.

Me : “Alright, very simple. I will choose the one with the bigger tits. Period.”

Emily : “Whattt???”

Me : “Yeah… if a guy loves 2 girls and has to choose only one, he’ll go for the one with bigger tits”

Emily : [passes out]

Alright, she did not pass out. But more like shaking her head in disbelief with her mouth wide agape. The truth is not always pleasant.

michaelooi  | 2-of-us  | 

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