September 25, 2004

the ultimate Proton

I was doing about 120kph on a freeway this morning, when suddenly, a Waja appeared out of nowhere behind me. Actually, I was on the express lane, but was hindered by a Pajero in front (else I would have gone Mach 3 speed).

The Waja did not honk me but instead, tail gated my car real close. I was like – “wow, our national car IS FAST”. That was so out of my expectation. I mean, I have heard rumors that a Proton car would explode or something if it was throttled beyond the 100kph mark. But today, I witnessed it with my own eyes, that was untrue.

Alright, I went a bit further by maneuvering my car into the middle lane and smoked some rubber. I did 150 kph this time – the Proton Waja, which to my surprise, followed suit. Oh goddamn, that was so unbelievable! I overtook the whole stretch of vehicles on the express lane and swayed back in front of them. My meter read 160 kph. I took another look through my rear view mirror, that Waja was still tailing from behind (albeit there was already a distance away)! That was so unbelievable! I was very impressed by the engineering marvel of our own national car. Simply out of this world.

Come think of it, Waja is actually an amazing car. It offers so many features at a price that is so reasonable, no doubt this is the car of choice for many young Malaysians.

One of the most notable pros of Waja is this safety feature called ‘the crumple zone’ – where the car would fold itself and crumple whenever it hits anything head on, sideways or backwards. This is to absorb the impact of any directional momentum – minimizing the risk of injury and maximizing the cost of repair. Take for example, Ah Seng reverses his Waja into a parking lot and accidentally hit another car. Thanks to the ‘crumple zone’ safety feature, Ah Seng’s Waja’s rear bumper would crumple beyond recognition from the accident. Ah Seng would have seriously lost his life right inside the parking lot had the bumper not crumple to absorb the impact. Kudos to Proton!

Then there’s this unique feature called “Automatic glove compartment warning system”, which is an internationally well known feature. Whenever a Waja overspeed on a road or going through some really rough terrain, the glove compartment drawer will automatically open – attracting the driver’s attention, prompting him to slow down. Slowing down more often will indirectly help to prolong the life of the absorbers and springs, not to mention reducing the probability of overspeeding. This is a genius invention by Proton, which uses a low tech / simple mechanism, to trigger a preventive measure to preserve the reliability of the vehicle.

Has anyone heard about the super high tech “poka-yoke headlights triggering system (PYHTS)”? If you have not heard of it, then shame on you. You see, Malaysian youths are known to be immaculate sleazebags. They don’t send their cars for checkup regularly unless something goes wrong with it. That’s where Proton’s PYHTS comes into play. From time to time, one of it’s headlights will automatically burn it’s own filament out without reason, triggering the car owner to send his car for immediate repair. And in the process of replacing the bulb, the car would be thoroughly checked for problems — which is kinda like an inadvertent health check. There would be no chance at all for the vehicle to fail (even if it fails, there’s still a crumple zone to save your life.)

And the windows. One may ask, how could an innocent car window enhance a driving experience? For Proton Waja, in many ways. It’s windows are not like any ordinary windows. Those are smart windows invented by Proton. It has this build in artificial intelligence (AI) that will automatically jam itself halfway each time a person tries to wind the windows up. Why? 2 reasons

1) Since Waja has a powerful engine, speeding at neck breaking speed can be very dangerous. To counter that, the AI would calculate the appropriate wind compensation to drag the vehicle at a safe speed – by jamming the windows! (jamming the window will interrupt the car’s aerodynamic flow when the wind pours in from the opening, thus reducing the speed).

2) The cooling effect. Air conditioning are often blamed for causing high fuel consumption. By jamming up the windows and allowing an adequate opening, part of the cooling function would be compensated by the external wind – hence, the driver can choose to turn off the air conditioning as he prefers.

A window, that can enhance the safety, and improve fuel consumption. A stone that kills 2 birds. Who would have thought of that? Not the Germans, not the French, but our very own Proton engineers.

Alright, the list could go on forever if I continue like this. I’ll save the talking and let you people get astonished with our very own Malaysian engineering marvel… the Proton Waja.

michaelooi  | satirical shit  | 

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