Once upon a time, when I was walking back to my grandma’s place with my cousins one fine afternoon, a white male dog suddenly sprung out of nowhere to block out paths. It seemed friendly, you know, was wagging its tail and shit. We thought it just wanted to be cute or something, so we ignored the dog and continued to walk. The dog, probably not very happy for not getting enough attention, decided to rear up and put its paws on my chest (it was a big ass dog, and I was only an 8 year old kid). The dog tried to lick my face with it’s filthy tongue and I got freaked out.
My reflex was to push the animal away. It fell to the side and started to get really excited – probably thought that I was playing with it. Then it jumped up again and did the same thing. By that time, both my cousins had already fled to a nearby 4 wheeler to seek refuge on top of the vehicle. The dog relentlessly tried to lick my face, and I was struggling hard to avert it’s goddamn long tongue.
I had no choice but to resort to my last stance of defense — I gave the fucker dog a hard kick at it’s abdomen which had it whimpering with pain. Then I gave the dog a second kick at it’s muzzle, which sent it flying straight into a drain nearby. I then distanced myself off from the drain and was checking out on the status of the dog. I was expecting the dog to chicken out and go away. But to my surprise, that dog shot out from the drain again and headed straight at me. This time, I could see its reddish dick dangling out like a really long lipstick. That was when I realized that the dog wasn’t just any dog. It’s a sadomasochistic dog (that’s a full description of what is known as S&M). Apparently, violence seems to make it exponentially hornier and now it wanted to hump me to get off the steam I started.
I immediately bolted off from the spot, running for my life. But I knew it wasn’t going to cut the mustard, as the psychotic dog could outrun me with ease and I can’t be running forever. I knew I had to look for something to climb on, but there wasn’t any tree. So, I decided to make a dash towards my grandma’s gate, which was approximately 20 – 30 meters away.
So I ran with all my might. Nobody has seen an 8 years old run like that before. I was lucky to reach the gate before the maniac dog did, but I was hit with another problem. To open my grandma’s gate, I would need to unhook the padlock, and then to slide open the rusty bolt. Sounded very simple, but I didn’t have the luxury of time to do all that as the dog was closing in. Fast.
Hence, I did what seemed to be the most logical thing for me to do right at that critical moment — climb the fucking gate. My grandma’s gate was a high one, about 5 feet. Coupled with the welded steel spikes, it stood 8 feet at least. Climbing the gate was a dangerous task. One slip, one will get impaled right through the asshole.
But I decided to climb it anyway (if I don’t, I’d get raped by a dog…). It was done in such a frantic manner that one of the half-curve spikes actually caught on the side of my shorts – exposing my balls (I wasn’t wearing an underwear. Don’t ask, I was just a kid). With both hands holding onto the spikes, I was basically stuck on top of the gate. I couldn’t jump over either direction, because that would definitely rip off my shorts and I would be naked from the waist down for the rest of the day. And that fucking dog was pounding on the gate, which kinda make my situation even more tippy.
I was trying hard to unhook my stuck shorts… while calling out for my cousins’ to help. Both of them were still on top of the 4 wheeler. Laughing at my ass. They contemplated for a whole minute before managed to come up with a plan to shoo the insane animal away – by hurling pebbles at it. After getting struck by a few eyeball sized stones, that dog finally bailed off – leaving the terrified me on the gate, still stuck.
Things got a lot more calmer after that, and I managed to steadily unhook my shorts to climb down – saving the disgrace of losing my shorts. And that experience, still vividly lives in my brain until today.