when an animal goes wacky

Once upon a time, I was walking back to my grandma’s place my cousins one fine afternoon, when suddenly, a slightly anorexic white male dog came up to us (I know it’s a male because I can see it’s dark testicles hanging out). It seemed friendly, you know, tail wagging and shits like that. We kinda ignored the dog and walked on. That was when, the beast decided to go a mile further - this time, it reared up and put it’s paw on my chest (it was a big ass dog, and I was only an 8 years old kid). The dog tried to lick my face with it’s very same tongue that has licked thousands of canine crotches before.

Needless to say, I got freaked out and pushed the dog away. It fell to the side and started to get real excited - thinking that I am playing with him. Then it jumped up again and did the same thing. By that time, both my cousins already fled to a nearby 4 wheeler to seek refuge on top of the vehicle. The dog relentlessly tried to lick my face, and I was struggling hard to avert it’s goddamn long tongue.

I have no choice but to resort to my last stance of defense — I gave the fucker dog a hard kick at it’s abdomen which causes it to whine a sharp cry. Once it came down on it’s front paws again, I gave the dog a second kick at it’s jowl, which sent the 4 legged son of a bitch into a wall fence nearby, and went straight into the drain. I then distanced myself off from the drain and locked my caution on that dog.

I kinda expected the dog to chicken out and learn that I’m a real violent guy when it comes to whooping animals. But to my surprise, that dog shot out from the drain and headed straight at me, tail still wagging. This time, I can see it’s reddish dick dangling out like a full-fledged lipstick. Omfg. That was when I realized that the dog wasn’t just any dog. It’s a sadomasochistic dog (that’s a full description of what is known as S&M). Apparently, violence seems to turn it’s heat on even faster … and I realized I was in deep shit.

I immediately rocketed off from the spot, running for my life. But I knew it isn’t going to cut the mustard, as the psychotic dog can run really fast and I can’t be running forever. I was no match against that sex maniac doggy. I have to look for something to climb, but there wasn’t any tree. So, I decided to run until my grandma’s gate, which was approximately 20 - 30 meters away - but I will have to run very, very, fast.

So I ran with all my might. Nobody has seen an 8 years old ran like that before. Luckily, the plan worked and I managed to reach the gate before the pervert dog caught up on me. But I have another problem. To open my grandma’s gate, I’ll have to unhook the padlock, and then to slide open the rusty bolt. Sounded very simple, but I don’t have much time to do all that as the dog was closing in. Fast.

Hence, I did what seems to be the most logical thing for me to do right at that critical moment — climb the fucking gate. My grandma’s gate was a high one, about 5 feet. Coupled with the welded steel spikes, it stood 8 feet the least. Climbing the gate was a dangerous task. One slip, one will get impaled right through the asshole.

But I decided to climb it anyway. It was done in such a frantic manner that one of the half-curve spikes actually caught on the side of my shorts - exposing my balls out to the public (I wasn’t wearing any underwear. Don’t ask, I was just a kid). With both hands holding onto the spikes, I was practically stuck on top of the gate. I can’t jump neither direction, because that would definitely rip off my shorts and I would be half naked for the rest of the day. And that fucking dog was pounding on the gate, which kinda make my situation even more tippy.

I was trying hard to unhook my stuck shorts … while calling out for my cousins’ help, which both of them were still on top of the 4 wheeler. Laughing. They contemplated for a whole minute before coming up with a plan to shoo the insane animal away - by hurling stones at it. After getting struck by a few eyeball sized stones, that dog finally bailed off - leaving terrified me on the gate, still stuck.

Things got a lot more calmer after that, and I managed to steadily unhook my shorts to climb down - saving the disgrace of losing my shorts. And that experience, still vividly lives in my brain till today.