Damn it, Proton cars really suck. And when it was driven by some really stupid people, the combination can be disastrous. It happened again this morning. That was the 200 millionth time that I have been crudely awakened from my deep slumber by a wailing Proton car alarm. It seems that those inferior Proton alarms are built more for other reasons like waking the neighbors up, than for its original security purpose.
After the wailing went on for like 20 minutes without stop, I decided to check out which fucking car that was causing all the commotion. It was a Proton Wira – with a KL registration number. There was a middle aged dude standing like a stump in front of his opened car hood. Obviously, he was clueless on what he should do next to shut his goddamn car down. He was probably a fucking clerk or something that knew no shit about car alarms.
Moron! If you’re a clerk, and knows nothing about cars (neither do I..), let me tell you this – opening its hood would not solve any problem! And standing in front of your car doing nothing wouldn’t do any good either… you stupid fuck!
Here’s what you can do to stop a wailing car alarm (especially you Proton car owners out there)
1) Get an axe, sledgehammer, pickaxe, or any tool of equivalent hammering power. Open up your stupid wailing car’s hood. Wreck everything in sight – especially near the battery part. Don’t stop till it goes silent. Once became silent, call your mechanic over to repair the car.
If you don’t know where the battery is, just swallow the tool you’re holding and die. (the key idea is to cut off the power source to the fucking alarm. Wrecking the battery would do a perfect job)
2) Get yourself something flammable. Gasoline or kerosene, should be fine. Then find yourself a stack of used newspapers. Open up your stupid wailing car’s hood. Then douse those stack of old newspapers with the flammable liquid and stuff all of them into your engine compartment. As much as you can. Light up a match or lighter (careful not to burn your hands), and burn the stuffed newspapers. Your car should light up and probably explode. Bail the place to a safe distance immediate after lighting up the newspapers. Watch and wait till alarm goes silent. Call police and fire marshall. (idea is to destroy the electronic circuit board that screwed the alarm system).
3) Push your car to a nearby mechanic shop. If it’s Sunday and all workshops are closed, just find any reservoir, lakes, ponds or sea nearby. Find a ledge that could directly lead into the water. Position your car facing the ledge. Then push it off the ledge, into the water. Watch and observe. (idea is to suppress the noise from pissing off your neighbors and be more considerate).
Well if you’re a type that believes in prevention, the best idea is to disable your car alarm. Proton cars need no alarms, as alarms won’t fucking make any difference for your car security. They’ll get stolen anyway – with or without alarm. Why? Because all your neighbors are likely so pissed with your erratic alarms – and they’ll instead feel glad if your car get stolen.
The middle aged dude finally hushed his car down by disconnecting the cables to his car battery terminals. It took him 30 fucking minutes to figure out the solution. Idiot.