There were at least 3 people asked me the same question today – “Have you seen Anaconda ?”. Holy fuck.
I don’t know what is wrong with these people. What makes them think I would be interested in watching that big rampaging snake ruining up people’s shit? We all know the anacondas dwell deep inside the dense Amazonian jungle. What makes me fail to understand is… why those Americans still love to travel from the civilization and expose themselves to all those dangers.
Anaconda’s are just pure lazy farts. They’re big and heavy… and that’s why they can’t really move very fast. The law of gravity. You can outrun an anaconda anytime without problem… well, unless you’re a fucking midget or a cripple. But then if you’re either one of them (midget or cripple), you shouldn’t be going to the Amazon jungle in the first place, right?
And another thing is, those big snakes can hoover a whole big-ass deer and last for a year, they normally do not hunt for excess food, what more to terrorize humans? They’re just plain harmless… I’ve seen a lot of them at my company’s smoking area – no shit – they would all run helter skelter when the boss shouts at them for hanging out too long.
Well, even if a giant snake happens to be wacky and dangerous, one could always hire a few Banglas clad with a stainless steel armor armed with a chainsaw. I bet no anaconda’s skin could match the sharp jagged teeth of a chainsaw. Or if you could not find any Bangla, just call up some Chinese restaurant chef, they’ll be glad to hunt and cut up the snake with a cleaver – to be cooked with herbal soup.
I’m just getting tired of these psychotic animal movies shit. Octopus, crocodiles, piranhas, snakes … damn, what next ? Are we gonna cover the entire animal kingdom ? Filmmakers nowadays really need some spanking to be creative. I seriously think they need to come up with something new, something other than animals…