As usual, my mind was wandering off into oblivion when Emily and I were stuck in a traffic jam again last night. With a gloomy and scowling expression, I have been thinking hard about some serious stuff. Stuffs that has encumbered my soul for the past few days — “where the hell should I party during my holidays ??”

It’s a thought that always ended up being put aside for another few feet of advances towards the insipid traffic. And the whole episode would repeat itself until the car in front moves again. It was all silent except listening to my own thoughts and the boring pop beats on the radio.

It was then, Emily switched to a Chinese radio station - where I could hear a placid voiced female DJ speaking in Cantonese. I was inadvertently listening to it while I’m into that deep trance of thoughts.

Apparently, the DJ was kinda giving an advice to some doofus who called up the radio station earlier — about her triangle love problem. The caller’s situation was, she’s infatuated with 2 guys at the same time, and she’s calling in to ask the DJ for her opinion.

I was shaking my head in disbelief. I wondered what makes one think that a radio DJ would be the best person to solve their love-hate relationship ? For god’s sake, a DJ is just like any ordinary person - THAT DOESN’T HAVE A CLUE about you and your mongoloid puppy love. Might as well ask your neighbor’s son.

Alright, here’s actually how the radio DJ responded to the caller (translated from Cantonese) :

“Ask yourself, who would you think of… when you’re sad or unhappy. Then, who would you think of … when you’re at your happiest moment. If you already have the answer … then, that could be the person you love most…”

That’s when I protested out loudly

Me : “FUCK ! That’s so retarded.”

Emily : “Hey … what’s wrong with you ? You actually know what she’s talking about ?”

Me : “Of course I know. A slut fell in love with 2 guys. And she’s calling the national radio to consult the DJ”

Emily : “She just wanted to know about more opinions …”

Me : “It’s always about the girls. Things would be much more simpler for the guys.”

Emily : “Alright then, how would you choose if you happen to fell in love with 2 girls at the same time ?”

Sensing danger, I quickly devised up a smart reply

Me : “Oh no… dear. You know I would never love another girl … you’re my only love.”

Emily : “You don’t have to be afraid.. just, picture you’re in the situation.”

That’s a clearance for me to be honest.

Me : “Alright, for me, it would be simple. I’ll select the one with a bigger tits. Period”

Emily : “Whattt ????”

Me : “Yeah .. if a guy loves 2 girls and have to choose one, he’ll go for the one with bigger tits”

Emily : [passed out]

Alright, she did not pass out. But more like shaking her head in disbelief with her mouth wide agape. And with that, I know I have made a very good point there. I think I’m smart. Gimme beer.

Fuck. My poo looks funny today. I immediately went aghast when I saw the kooky shape of those little elongated wads of bowel waste. It was dark in color (almost black), and was kinda petit. They used to be brown and pretty nasty in size. But I don’t know why they’re so different today.

Maybe it was those dehydrated vegetables that I took yesterday, coz I can see some little fringes of partially digested leaves out of each piece’s apex point. It reminds me of Grinch’s pointed and hairy fingertips. Only that it was different in color.

Or this could be somekind of sign from some intelligence from above… you know, divination/prophecy shits. From my own shits, I can predict what has yet to happen in our realms. And that would be so cool. I could be more famous than Eric Clapton. I just need to eat and shit the whole day… and get rich. Wow.

Alright, let me do my first prediction - I predict that Osama’s pet dog would die of old age. Let’s see if that’s coming true.

*worked very late - and feeling kinda lethargic now.

name : Pontianak Sundal (a.k.a Sandal, a.k.a Selipar Jepun)
age : 25 yrs old as human, 78 as undead.
measurements : 34-24-35 (D cup)
height : 158cm
eye color : dark brown, red when pissed off.
hobby : collecting stamps, freaks people, squat on a tree branch
occupation : murderer (part time), vampire
favorite food : yong tou foo, curry mee, chee cheong fun, kuih cekodok.
favorite style : white robe by Victoria’s Secret, rebonded straight hair, manicured claws
favorite soccer team : Liverpool
bra brand : bee dees
foundation : SK II
perfume : minyak serai cap badak
shoe : none

*i don’t feel like thinking today. So I simply created a random entry.
*the picture above was created using mouse and PSP6. Done in 15 minutes. Don’t bitch.

Watched “Pontianak Sundal Something Something” last night. My darn sister bought the original VCD - that doesn’t carry any subtitles (told ya original sux). Which means, I’ll have to depend on my long lost knowledge of the forbidden language to understand it. (*pontianak = it’s a female vampire from Malaysian folklore)

Normally, I don’t fancy Malay movies. I only watched 2 Malay movies before in my whole life.

1) Orang Minyak - starred by the late P.Ramlee. Watched it when I was a kid. Interesting movie for my standard at that time. It’s about some psychotic dude that goes around the village raping middle aged housewives. And he looks like Spiderman in black. Naked.

2) Bukit Kepong - a movie that was shown repeatedly on TV when there wasn’t any satellite reception back then. It was about a bunch of Japanese farts that mowed down a whole village of rookie soldiers (including housewives and kids). Kinda nice. It would be better with more violence and colors.

So, this “Pontianak Sundal Something Something”… big deal. Won a few awards recently at Spain. And I guess that’s why I’m so eager to check it out. My third Malay movie.

My verdict ? Avoid this movie at all cost. Not worth even a pirated VCD. It’s really ’sundal’. Which means, it sucks. The movie was edited in such a frivolous way that I do not even realize what the hell happened from one scene to the next. Goddamn.

A few summarized comments :

1) The pregnant heroine turns into a pontianak when she was murdered (she’s a heroine coz she’s hot). But her maid didn’t (she was murdered too). So, does that mean, if one were to be murdered when pregnant, she would turn into a super powerful pontianak ? And if that’s the case, why Sharon Tate did not turn into a pontianak to smoke Charles Manson’s ass ?

2) It seems like the pontianak (in the movie) was a crazy fuck. When she was resurrected as a pontianak, she goes around killing everyone except the villain who murdered her. Kinda ironic, isn’t it ?

3) Alright, my perception of the pontianak is - a female vampire. And we all know that vampires suck blood. They’re gonna need fangs to do the job. This pontianak sundal, she doesn’t have any fangs (just a pair of great tits). She kills her victims by using her pair of wolverine like claws. Zweek zwekk … scream… and that’s it. Cheesy.

4) The design of the pontianak is also not very good. It’s still the same old asian ghost design. Long hair, white robes and some very thick powder on the face. And in this movie, the pontianak even sported a pair of eyes with a very bad case of conjunctivitis. Makes my eyes watery at certain point. Ma fuck.

5) I was confused who is who in the movie. The script was confusing. The flick was badly edited. Obviously, the director is a Stephen King wannabe. (and Stephen King sux).

I reckoned that the movie will be way better if it focusses more on the haunting of a pontianak instead of trying to cramp storyline, haunting and stephen king elements in it. But then, having won so many awards, how much better does the director wants to achieve ? Nevermind the awards, to my opinion, it’s still a very badly done movie.

Went to watch The New Police Story on Friday. Got ourselves some free tickets. Apparently, when Luis went to buy the tickets, the girl behind the counter mistakenly thought he had paid her a 100 ringgit bill (which he didn’t). She printed out our tickets and even gave Luis the change. And those were 6 orchestra seat tickets, what the fuck, heheh.

Ok, what do I think of the movie ? I don’t know - let’s just say, the movie was a deviation from the original Police Story trilogy. Instead of having traditional badass looking villains, the director hired a few kiddies from a nearby McDonalds to star in it. To save some cost I guess.

Jackie Chan starred as Wing, a middle aged super cop that was fucked in the ass right from the beginning by a bunch of prepubescent looking thugs. Those teenage thugs are a bunch of rich kids that led a double profile - day time as a normal person, and night time as a bunch of psychotic criminals that likes to yell “wooooo !!”.

The movie begins with that bunch of teenage thugs pulling a night time robbery on a high rise building and mowed down a whole team of cops that responded to the scene with some high powered automatic rifles. And that prompted Wing the Super Cop to take over the case. He sort of bragged that he would bring those criminals to justice within moments of the massacre - which was his main mistake for being too confident.

Then, with some magical ways, Wing managed to trace down the thugs to an abandoned warehouse. Instead of leading an entire army of police force to burn the whole place down, Wing the Super Cop led a team of young & inexperienced rookie police boys to round them up. But what he did not realize was, those thugs aren’t just any ordinary thugs (even after they’re known to have killed a so many cops). Those thugs are actually a bunch of avid gamers (that’s so scary), and they’ve laid traps inside the warehouse to cream Wing’s ass.

That’s how Wing lost all his teammates (including his faggot brother in law). But then, for some odd reasons, those teenage thugs did not kill him. Instead, they blew up a portion of the place to freak Wing up… and made him became a useless alcoholic. I reckoned that all these were properly planned so that Wing the Super Cop could have a second chance to retaliate. (or else, the title would have to be changed to Teenage Thugs Story).

Fast forward one year, Wing was still a drunk fuck. During one of his drunken moments, when he was puking his bile out in an alley, suddenly he was shadowed by a youngster that looked like another McDonald’s part timer. He was Nicholas Tse, which hailed the name PC584003 (I forgot the number, so I made up one) and he rescued Wing from the alley before he got raped by a bunch of horny stray cats. Nicholas looked kinda cool at first, until a couple moments later, I saw him mopping Wing’s apartment floor. His reputation instantly went down a few notches in my impression book.

The rest of the story was pretty predictable, you know, PC584003 inspired Wing to wake up from his alcoholic sleaze and work his way to arrest those bunch of teenage thugs. Not much intelligent plots, and the movie would reach to it’s grand finale. The way Wing defeat those bunch of teenagers was pretty cheesy I would say. He actually did it by calling their parents into a robbery scene - which causes those teenage thugs to panic and went ballistic. Afraid of their mom’s nagging I guess.

The only thing that I really enjoyed about this movie was the hand-to-hand combat scene, which I think was pretty cool. Jackie Chan’s already 51, and he still got the moves. Now imagine your dad fights like that. Other than that, it’s just an ordinary musty Hong Kong flick, nothing special.

But then, for free, who am I to complaint ?