Archive for August, 2004

August 1, 2004

comic superheroes

Recently, there has been a lot of comic superhero movies that came out in the entertainment industry. It is like a pandemic that spreads across the flick realm and every one of them seems to be affected by an inclination to make their favorite comic character come to life.

the older ones :
Spawn, Batman, Blade

the recent ones :
X-men, Spiderman, Hulk, Van Helsing, Hellboy, and the most recent – Catwoman.

What do I think of Halle Berry as the Catwoman? Well, personally, despite her set of squalid looking fake boobies, I think she’s sexy and has good prospects to be a lap dancer. Catwoman? Nah. She’s not good enough. In fact, the movie sucks. Not a bit entertaining. The CGI looked artificial, it was as if I was watching a cut scene from a PC game. A great disappointment – just like most contemporary superhero movies.

Now, the only comic character movies that I think is really up to the standard was Batman (no doubt), Blade and Van Helsing. The rest weren’t good and were as disappointing as Catwoman. Why? Let me tell you why.

– That’s because they (film producers) were not being creative enough. It’s called “re-inventing the wheel”. The movies were trying to show the comic characters exactly as what they appeared in comics to the real world… and when they fail to meet expectations of the audience, generally, the movies become less entertaining. I feel that most of the characters are only good in comics and shouldn’t be at all brought to life.

– Some of them, even tried to cram the original comic stories into a 120 minutes film length (same thing with Catwoman). I mean, come on, this formula won’t work. This would make the storyline ridiculously compact and confusing. Halle Berry got flushed from the sewer pipe, got molested by a goddamn cat and turns into Catwoman. Please… at least show us how did the cat do it… (kidding) You get the idea.

– CGI effects. It’s nice to have them. But when the producers are rushing for deadlines, things will not look pretty. Look at Spiderman and Catwoman. Frivolously rendered and animated. They should have put more effort to make it look like real… just like how they did that Gollum in Lord Of The Rings…

Alright, having to say all that, the most important of all – is not to use other people’s creation. If you intend to use it, it better be good, because the expectation’s there.

I mean, it isn’t so hard to make your own superhero character, so, why bother copying ? Here, let me give you some idea on how to make your own superhero

1. select your favorite animal or insects.
Most superheros are based on living creatures on Earth (except human). It has got to be a nasty one. Avoid choosing animals like rabbit, squirrel or purple dinosaur. Maybe something like a dog. Let’s choose dog.

2. identify your superhero’s special traits based on the animal/insects you have chosen.
Well, animals have their own specialty. Like rabbits – they can fuck pretty fast. Oh wait, we ruled out rabbit. So, it’s dog. Dogs can bite real hard … and they have a very good sense of smell. Great.

3. give your hero a name.
Spiderman – from spiders. Batman – from bats. Catwoman – from cats. Hulk – from cendol. Our dog hero – we can name him DogDude. (double D – just like DareDevil, not Pamela Anderson)

4. design a costume for your character.
Look at those existing comic characters. They all kinda have their own costume. They spend thousands of dollars to make a rubber suit, just that the public would be able to distinguish them from one another (because there are so many of them out there…). So, our DogDude should wear something sleek and aerodynamic – so that he will not be mistaken for a real dog.

5. select your superhero’s favorite quote/quotes.
Spiderman likes to say “with great power, comes great responsibility”. Hellboy likes to say “Crap”. The Hulk likes to say “Huarrrghhhhhhhhhh”. Our DogDude shall love to say “son of a bitch”. We have something big going on here…

6. theme song for your character
Theme songs build character. The 70’s batman used to have a zippy electric guitar theme song and it was one of the most memorable theme song ever… until Tim Burton came up with the new Batman. Our DogDude should have his own theme song too – I’d propose Baha Men’s hit single. “Who let the dawgs out .. who who who..”

That’s it ! So simple. In just 1 post, and I managed to create my own superhero character – DogDude. I don’t understand why a commoner like me can do it… and top of the line producers can’t. *shakes head in disappointment*

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | Comments Off