Mojo stepped into the train station slowly. His eyes were like a panther’s, beady with sharp vision, searching for the killer which he had hunted for the past 2 years. This was suppose to be another tip from his friend, that he would find Baal here.

He walked for the next hour, but Baal was nowhere in sight. Could this be another mistake that his friend had made ? Ahh, to hell with his friend - Mojo thought. In fact, he had gotten used with his friends’ phony tips, that he had practically lived with it. He then walked to a nearby abandoned railway platform, whipped out his dick and started urinating - as what thousands had been doing at that local train station.

He wasn’t even paying attention… when suddenly he slipped his dick and accidentally pissed all over his hands. “Mader Chod !” he cussed, while wiping his hands on his pants. At the same time, he suddenly caught a glimpse from the corner of his eyes - the shadow of someone familiar. Someone whom he had antagonized and loathed for years …. it was Baal !

Mojo quickly gave chase, with his dick still dangling out whipping all over the place. He got himself so much attention with his unintentional flashing that it quickly alerted Baal about the danger he is in. Baal gave out a yelp and fled into the about-to-move train cars. With the very last ounce of his strength, Mojo managed to catch up with the moving train and dive-grab the nearest railing available. Still panting … Mojo began to search coach after coach for his sworn enemy… with a vengeful mood.

When he came to the third coach, he suddenly heard a loud blood curdling scream of a woman’s - which appeared to be a female pilgrim’s reaction when she saw his semi-dark dick protruded out from his unclosed barn door. He quickly zipped his pants in embarassment. That was the moment, when he noticed someone actually sneaked past behind him, and he could smell, that it was Baal’s stench !

He quickly turned around and gripped on Baal’s arm. Then he clenched his fist and gave Baal a hard punch on the face - DUSSSSSHHHHHH. The noise was so loud that it staggered some of the passengers and made them jumped out from the train … rolling away on the side of the rail track. Mojo pulled a second punch, but this time, Baal managed to duck in time and the punch strayed onto a housewife’s face. Again, a loud sound reverberated across the crowded train carriage… DUSSSSSSHHHHH. The housewife blacked out. It was a punch that not even a cow can bear. A quick scuffle ensued and Baal managed to squirm himself free from Mojo’s grasp … and climbed up to the roof of the train.

The real battle began. A fight that was so dangerous, that even standing on top of the train alone .. was already an insane stunt ! Mojo climbed up and came in face to face with Baal. That was when Baal gave out a big cunning cackle

“Hah hah hah ha ha haa !! Mein teri maa ko teri bhen ki choot mein chodoonga aur tera baap laltern lekar aayega !”

To which… Mojo replied ..

“Tere maa ko sau kutte chode - sau wa tera baap!”

And it was a moment of silence after that. Both were locking at each other’s gaze and was building up their energy to settle the score. They remained like this for the whole 10 minutes, until Mojo felt numb on his feet. That was when Baal suddenly charged forward with his flying kick .. and hit Mojo right on his chest. DUSSSSSSHHHH … the hit emitted a sound so loud that it almost derailed the train. Mojo was catapulted about 6 feet away from the spot he stood … feet still numb.

Baal, being a very evil person, wasted no time and pinned the already fallen Mojo with his weight. He was like half sitting on Mojo and started punching him hard repeatedly on the head & face - BISSSH DUSSSSH BISSSSH DUSSSSH BOSSSSHHHH … it was a sad scene. Mojo was bleeding very profusely on his head from the repeated pummeling. The situation seemed hopeless for Mojo .. when suddenly, a blurry image of an old lady emerges in his fading mind. It was his deceased mother … saying to him “Tere adha Nirodh mein rah gaya…”

It was that 5 words … that gave him strength again to fight on. With his new found strength, he blocked both of Baal’s swinging fist, and headbutted him right at his nose - DOOBBBBBB. Followed by a right hook - DISSSHHHHHHH. Then left hook - DUSSHHHHHHH. And finally he took out his belt and swung at Baal’s face - SWISSHHHHHH. Baal became very weak from the several critical hit and puked. Mojo then delivered the final death blow - the flying elbow - into Baal’s ribs and went DOORRRKKKK . Baal slipped into gap between the carriages of the moving train … and was crushed to death. CRACCKKK ! That’s Baal’s skull split open like a peanut’s shell.

Mojo knelt in victory and smiled triumphly to himself. He has finally killed Baal and fulfilled his promise to his dead mother, that he would never use a chainsaw to fight. Then suddenly, a girl with a knockout body climbed up onto the train roof and wiped the blood off Mojo’s forehead … and said “a/s/l pls …” Mojo finally found himself a girl and they started to sing and danced together … occasionally rolling themselves on the train top. And they lived happily ever after.

I worked until quite late yesterday, until it was way past the time I should be leaving the lab. When I realized that, it was already too late. The entrance out from the manufacturing area (I was inside my lab which was located deep within the factory’s manufacturing area) was already congested with shuttlecock head operators.

I had no choice but to queue with those bunch of Neanderthal operators (coz I’m already late to fetch Emily) towards the security checkpoint. Had to hold my breath, because the place stank. Nevermind that.

As I was queuing halfway through, suddenly, I heard someone calling my name in lecherous manner from my back - “Hellllloooo Michael ~~~”

It was so bitterly gross that it pierced my brain like a stiletto full of HIV virus — I had goosebumps popping up from my scalp to the tip of my toe. It was Candy. No Candy is not a girl. Candy is actually a bloke. A bloke with some problem. Problems with his sexuality. He got red colored shoulder length hair (a very bad color..), with a pair of William So’s spectacles … plus some piercings around his face.. and was as skinny as the Sea Hag

And he was just a couple inches away queuing behind me….

“Hi Candy.” [sweat trickling down my forehead]
“Oohh .. why do you come out at this houurrrrrr ~~~?”
“Lots of work .. lost track of time..”
“It’s very crowdy at this hour do you know that ~~huh huh uh uh huuh huh ~~?”

Then, he proceeded to flirt around with some of the operators around him, and sang some hokkien songs with his gruesome voice. I tell you, I was so damn scared at that particular moment - he looked as if he’s ready to mount on anything and plow as he like. He’s a very fearsome pondan.

Now, how did I manage to know someone as catastrophic as him ? Well, it happened 7 years ago when I first joined this company. Back then, he was still like a normal guy. We were in the same room - he was waiting for his interview and I was waiting to sign an offer letter. He faced some difficulty taking the English test (coz he’s illiterate) and so, being a nice guy I am…. I helped him out. I guess he kinda got through the interview and since then, he always greeted me whenever he saw me around. A token of gratitude perhaps.

A few years later, he embraced the dark force. I mean, who would have thought a nice young guy would eventually turn into a fearsome creature like what he is now ? Damn unbelievable.

So, please, guys, make sure you don’t antagonize people around you too much .. coz you’ll never know that one day, that guy might turn himself into some she-male .. and rape the daylights out of you…

PS: I went through the security checkpoint without harm.

The other day, I saw something very disturbing on Animal Planet. Oh, that’s a channel by the way … it isn’t a real planet governed by animals. It says, some scientists have figured out how a bunch of whales communicate. And then, I have also came across something on the newspaper that says, an orang utan (or was it a monkey? I forgot) actually bitched about his aching tooth .. and called for a dentist.

Damn scary isn’t it ? We always thought that the emotionless animals we see everyday, are inert about basically everything. We thought that they only know how to sleep, eat and respond to emergencies (like shitting). But little did we suspect that those animals can actually ‘talk’ in their own language.

From the documentary show, I’ve learned that there’s actually a group of dedicated scientists that work their ass off deciphering whale’s fart noises underwater, to study how do they communicate with each other. I can tell that it isn’t an easy job coz my mom used to make that kind of noise when I was a kid… and I could hardly understand her. But then, it might be a good thing for mankind, because if we’re able to communicate with animals, it would be more fun to cuss at them - since they are be able to understand us. “Hey ! Cow ! How does it feel like having a big tit with so many nipples ? hahahah !!”. (it would sound so stupid to say that to a cow that do not understand what you’re talking about).

Just kidding. Being able to communicate with animals is actually a gift. It makes us understand more about the living things on this planet. We won’t have to guess what the hyenas are laughing about … or study why the chicken crosses the road. All we need to do is ask.

Of course, there are also cons of being able to communicate with animals as well. By bestowing those critters an ability to communicate with humans, we practically risk the danger of giving up our dominance of this planet. By having the ability to communicate/read, animals will become more intelligent .. they’ll learn about science, and our history .. and soon, be able to use a computer. Once they have the access to computers, practically, they’re not much different from our bosses and politicians… that’s when we humans should be worried about our existence on this planet.

If you’re still unable to imagine the boner we would be in, imagine this — the girl behind the nick in your ICQ list might be a camel or a skunk. How’s that ? Be very scared.

I vehemently think that it is important for sites to have a rating, you know, to actually part between the good and evil… So that those who surf into a particular site have an idea what to expect based on the site rating.

I always wanted to give my site a rating, but I don’t really know how to rate it - since I don’t really read them myself.

So, hereby, I want to ask for your help again. Please, rate my site. Just rate by percentage - whether it’s good or evil - accompanied with a short description why. Here’s an example :

“i would rate your site 98% Good, because you teach me stuffs that wasn’t taught by mom”

or

“your site is 80% evil - because i think you are worse than freddy krueger.”

30% Evil is equivalent to 70% Good. Rate whichever side you feel like it, you got the idea. Be realistic and honest about it.

Just do it under the comments link below this post - since I am too lazy busy to run a poll.

I will average out the results, and put up a rating (based on the results) on my site at the end of the week. Cheers.

*spoiler alert for the The Village. Read at your own discretion.

I watched “The Village” last night. What do I think of it ? Quite ok … although it didn’t turn out quite to be what I expected the movie is all about. The movie’s got a horror taste, but wasn’t really a horror movie. Just like yourself kneading a pair of fake boobies. It felt soft and tender like real boobies … kinda good, but in fact, you’re actually kneading a bag of silicone. Something like that.

The storyline’s pretty simple. It’s about a group of people who got pissed with the society so much, that they have decided to move into a privately owned forest reserve (who owned by one of the rich member whose rich dad got murdered by some villains). They built a village deep inside the forest isolating themselves from civilization … and made up some fictional shit about monsters that lurks in the woods — all that to ensure their children doesn’t leave the village at all.

How ? Well, they have this borderline that separates the village and the woods. The imaginary monster (who’s name is - “Those we do not fuck or mess up with”) sort of made a truce with the villagers not to cross the border into either side, else, they will kill and rape all their livestock…. then turn the villagers into meatballs.

Cool eh ? That’s where the suspense is. The audiences are made to believe that the movie is all about these monsters, that lurks around in the woods to make villagers’ lives miserable. But then, as you’ve already known, it’s all made up by the old people inside the village - so, no monsters. But there are a few scenes where the alleged fake monster made it’s appearance - which was actually acted out by one of the elders themselves. (and the latter one by one of the insane dude).

How does the fake monster looked like ? I don’t know. There’s only one particular scene where the face of the fake monster was actually shown - and it actually was a wild boar mask with long fingernails. But then, seriously, I think it looked more like Splinter - you know, the giant mutant rat that taught the Ninja Turtles how to fight.

But then, interesting it may be, I still have some comments about the movie’s storyline :

- the village was started out by a group of like .. a dozen people. But inside the village, the population was like 50 - 100 (estimated). Does that mean, the elders are fucking each other and reproduce like a bunch of horny rabbits ?

- wouldn’t it be much easier to install a high voltage electric fence around the village to make sure that their children doesn’t loiter beyond the woods (instead of making up the monster stories) ?

- ok, since the owner of the park is so rich, he can actually hire a few Banglas to full time act as those monsters … instead of acting out the monsters themselves, right ? The Banglas need no mask nor any long fingernails. Their face are scary enough … and their odor alone could cause hazard.

A lot of open ends … Definitely a disappointment to those who expected it to be a scary movie.