August 25, 2004

my ex past-time

Back in the 90’s, being a teenager was a totally different thing from today. We had no personal computers and no porns to surf. Definitely no chat rooms, no ICQs nor any sort of messenger program. Heck, not even SMS. Cell phones back then was so fucking big that it could literally kill a dog when it was being hurled at the animal.

Imagine how boring it was, to be surrounded by 4 walls with nothing but a roll of toilet tissues. Goddamn. Being a teenager used to be like a prisoner. Overflowing hormones, menacing acnes (although I had a lot of fun squeezing them) and developing body (was kinda freaked out when I first discovered pubes growing around my dick). It was like a ballooning effect. The pressure in me was building up to the boiling point.

I was in dire need to socialize with girls. Very desperately. That was when I found just the perfect way to do that. Pen friends. Ooh yeah. There were herds of them whoring themselves on pages of magazines and newspapers, waiting to be harvested. I could not actually remember exactly when I wrote the first letter, but I can very well remember the criteria that I set for my targets –

nice name
same age
must be a girl

My first letter was a lame one. It went like this

“Hi, my name is michaelooi. My hobby is collecting stamps and reading books. I saw your name in the Find A Friend section and decided to write to you. I think you’re hot and I want to shove my …”

Ok, I made up the last sentence. I sent about 5 – 6 letters out on my first try and got only a couple of replies a few days later. Boy, words could not describe how excited I was when I received the first reply. So damn excited that I skipped my dinner to draft out a perfect reply to my new pen friend. Damn lame, I know. But considering the fact that I was in the Paleolithic age back then, it was a pretty cool hobby. Licking stamps were as fun as watching zombies explode.

Over the years, I managed to correspond with a few pen friends, most of them were hot chicks except one, who was kinda fat. But then, I could be wrong about the rest as well, because I never got to verify if they were really hot – as I did not eventually meet any of them. They could have sent me some fake pictures, I wouldn’t know.

So, do I still communicate with letters presently? Yes. Sending checks to banks, sending forms to income tax office, that sort of shits. I’ve also fully switched my mail correspondence to 100% email. Instead of receiving letters from itchy girls, I receive more mails on porn (from friends), jokes and business proposals from some motherfucking retarded African conmen.

It’s a wonder how a life can change.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 

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