August 21, 2004

jason’s near death experience

*once upon a time…

Me, Jason and an Indian lady was inside a descending elevator. It was all quiet inside, when Jason suddenly broke the silence. He spoke to me in Hokkien…

Jason : “dude… ”

Me : “yeah?”

Jason : “did you smell that?”

Me : “smell what ?”

Jason : “the lady… she stinks”

I took a glance at the lady, she looked back at me, then at Jason. (he was facing the control panel, the lady was right behind him, I was diagonally where they were…)
As I’m a (very) smart person, I managed to figure out that the Indian lady actually understood the Hokkien dialect (which is not uncommon in Penang). Instead of joining Jason to scoff the lady, I tried to steer my friend away from whatever he wanted to say about the Indian lady’s body odor.

Me : “errr… I couldn’t smell anything. Just shut up ok?”

Jason : “no man.. I’m serious. She fucking stinks… I’m about to keel over.”

I stole another glance at the lady, her eyes were almost popping out from her socket. Her face was portending evil and I could tell that she was about this close to strangling my friend right there. And Jason just wouldn’t shut the fuck up…

Jason : “heheheh… and please man, when I tell you that, it’s probably good if you don’t turn to look at her. She might notice that we’re talking about her…”

Me : “look man, i think you should just shut up… ok???”

I was trying to hint at him that he is in great danger, but Jason wasn’t really a bright person, and it was not that surprising that he didn’t get it. (he looked a bit like Jack Black)

Jason : “Did you see her face? man, she even has some facial hair… [giggles] Could it be that she’s a transvestite? heheh a stinking transvestite… ”

There were smokes coming out from the lady’s nostril…

I knew the situation had escalated beyond help, so I just kept quiet after that. I gave up all effort to save my friend. In fact, I was preparing myself to play possum if Jason ever got assaulted by the Indian lady. Jason the dork kept laughing and ridiculing the Indian lady until our floor stops – to which… I instantly jumped out of the elevator without looking back.

Fortunately, the lady did not do anything to Jason. Not even a verbal confrontation. Jason was very, very, lucky bastard. He could have gotten himself killed easily just by that ‘stinking transvestite’ remark alone. When I told Jason later about the whole thing, his face immediately turned pale looking and he shook like a fucking chicken.

Lesson learned : thou shalt never insult anyone without first check if thou’s back is clear…

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 

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