August 9, 2004


Sometime last week …

I was looking for my colleague Elbee, needed to get something done. There was no answer from his desk phone, so I called him at his cellphone. It went on unanswered. But just before the call went into the voice message, Elbee answered.

Elbee : “Errr…hello…”

Me : “Elbee! Michael chi peng.”
(translation : “Elbee! It’s Michael here”)

Elbee : “Errr … hamisu ?”
(translation : “Errr… what’s the matter ?”)

I noticed that his voice sounded a bit different. It was as if he was talking inside a metal box. It had this kind of weird echo / surround effect. I was curious about just where he was… and so, I took the initiative to find out

Me : “Elbee… lu tua toh lok ui?”
(translation : “Elbee… where are you now?”)

Elbee : “Errr… wa tua ti… errr… ha mi su boh ?”
(translation : “Errr… I’m now at… errr… what’s the matter actually?”)

From the way he responded, I managed to hard-guess that he was probably taking a dump inside a toilet booth.

Me : “Elbee… lu tua toilet si boh? heheh …”
(translation : “Elbee… are you inside the toilet? heheh…”)

Elbee : “Eh heh heh… ha mi su ?”
(translation : “Eh heh heh… what’s up ?”)

Me : “Hahah… an chua? pang sai song boh?”
(translation : “Hahah… how was everything? Are you having a great time taking your dump?”)

Elbee : “Heheh… hmmph..”

He was clearly paying attention on something else at that moment. Probably was working on a particular long piece of shit, trying to snip it off by contracting his anus hard.

Me : “Ok ler Elbee… ban ban pang. Pang liao, ka call wa… ok ?”
(translation : “Ok Elbee… take your time. Just call me once you finish dumping… ok ?”)

Elbee : “Hmmmpphh … erhh… ok… ”

Kinda wondered, why is it so hard for some people to multitask while taking a dump? I would usually bring along a book or my PDA for some games while taking my dump. Sometimes, I would even call up my friends to chat too… because dumping shit is a boring business.

My friend – Charles, he even brought along his portable disc player into the toilet, reading a copy of Gila-Gila at the same time (our local humor magazine, equivalent to Mad in US). It’s a good thing. Maybe Elbee’s capacity isn’t doing him justice…

So kids, heed this message by brother Michael — When you take a dump, always bring along your revision book… or a porn mag… or a Gameboy… or a foot massager. Just anything. According to some experts, it helps to train your brain how to multitask even in the most difficult situation – such as getting high defecating. (don’t ask me which expert).

Another community message brought to you by michaelooi.

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