August 8, 2004

the puke machine

My friend Animal now has a new name. PukeMachine. Why is that? Allow me to explain.

Last night, the BODs (Board of Directors… my camaraderie of best buddies) decided to come out to have a drink. Our friend Ronnie, was visiting from KL (another town) and we were kind of taking the opportunity to come out to romp. Initially, we were thinking of going to some hip club… but finally decided to settle at one of those slower pubs to just concentrate on chatting and drinking (dancing’s not our style anymore).

It was only all beer last night. Buckets after buckets of them. By the time we reached the 4th bucket, my friend Ronnie started his usual twaddling shit. He would talk about girls, about things that he himself didn’t understand and be a nuisance as usual, by challenging anyone in proximity to drink with him.

Most of us are already used to Ronnie’s style. We knew, that he’s only tough on cosmetic, but he is always the first to get unconscious from intoxication as he’s not much of a drinker. So, we always take his challenges with a pinch of salt. Well, except my friend Animal. He may be an accomplished accountant, but we think he’s a little bit slow on the intellectual side. The guy’s full of emotion and likes to ‘over-do’ things at times. Take for example, if we were to discuss something about changing a car’s engine oil, my friend Animal would go nuts and talk about some kind of V8 engine that runs on some kind of exotic belt that requires certain type of special oil. You know, to the stage where everyone would basically grow bored and have to change topic. You get the idea.

So, it was the same situation last night. We were just teasing each other with drinks for fun. It looked as if we wanted to get wild and destroy our liver – but we weren’t. It was just our usual way of romping and fucking around. But that sent the wrong message to my friend Animal. He REALLY thought we were determined to bust our livers last night. He went extreme when Ronnie playfully ridiculed him for being too emotional for his girlfriend.

That was obviously a blatant mistake – for we know Animal is a hypersensitive guy. Once he’s into something, he would never stop. As a result, he began to down beer after beer reciprocating Ronnie’s challenge. Ronnie, being as his usual self, would procrastinate and tried to fend him off with tonnes of bullshit excuses. It went on like this for almost the whole night, without anyone realizing that Animal was getting real inebriated from the excessive beer.

Then, came the defining moment of the night. Animal suddenly opened his mouth and some beige colored slop of viscous semi-digested food came jetting out onto the floor. It went like this – BWWWUUUEEEEKKKK!!!! I could tell it was a mixture of home cooked dinner (rice and some hint of meat… healthy diet) through my experience in handling alcohol victims. Alvin and Ricky, who were sitting the closest to him, immediately bounced out from the nuclear meltdown in a speed that was hardly believable. Everyone sort of like flabbergasted seeing Animal performing the barfing stunt.

His mouth was kept open for the whole few minutes and the broth of alcoholic mayhem continued to shoot out from his mouth. There were so much of it that it could even drown a couple of crocodile having sex. (alright, that was just an exaggeration… but you get the idea). He kept on barfing, until there was no more stuff to barf, and continued to barf out his stomach linings – of .. you know, those slimy stuff from your internal organs. It was a sight to behold.

The barfing finally stopped after a period of what seemed to be like an eternity, and he’d stay motionless with his mouth still open… which I reckoned he was waiting for something to come out (Ricky actually took a picture of that moment … I’ll see if I can get it posted up here). By that time, Alvin was clearly irked and began to remark something about him. One of the remarks that would register in our minds for many years to come :

“Damn it… Animal’s like a puke machine.”

That was how he got that new name. PukeMachine.
*he had to be dragged home after that, and barfed in the car through the journey…

Update: Here it is … the priceless moment … it will be a picture to be remembered for generations….

sebastian phua cheng boon

michaelooi  | rompings  | 

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