August 2, 2004

trauma

Realizing that I haven’t been exercising for sometime, I decided to have a jog around the neighborhood one fine day. I slipped into my Mizuno outfit and my Nike running shoes – and off I went – running like a champ. Nothing could describe my jovial mood at that time and oh it felt so great to filter the fresh air with my pair of lungs while sweating the filth away. I ran past a group of schoolgirls and waved. Ran past a herd of cows and smiled. Ran past a pack of wolves old people and flashed. It was a fine day that day. Never had I felt so close with the planet before. The trees… the birds… the wonderful neighbors… ahhhh.

As I capered around a corner happily, I suddenly realized that I was being followed. A motorcycle had been following me from behind. Sensing that something was not right, I ran to an alley attempting to shake off the motorcycle. I crouched down behind a big dumpster until I was sure that the motorcycle was gone. Then, I took a detour off the other end of the alley to get the fuck out of the place (before the motorcycle comes back).

As I was about to exit the alley onto the main street, suddenly, a guy jumped out of nowhere. He was about the size of Triple H… and was grinning like a bobcat (I copied this expression from a song). Obviously, he was up to no good as I could see he was holding a durian blade. Without delay, I tried to flee though the other end of the alley… only to be cornered by another big guy! This second guy, he was about the size of Kingkong Bundy and was holding a big club! (if you do not know who are Triple H and Kingkong Bundy, please… go find a nearest toilet bowl… put your head into it… and flush.)

I was trapped ! Now, from the way the 2 unknown brutes look, I didn’t think they’re there to shake my hands and socialize. They obviously had some sinister plan in mind. I was hoping for the worst not to happen – that they were not some anus hungry homosexuals that were randomly looking for their victim… nor were they thugs who wanted their victims mutilated, just for the fun of it.

Cornered and outwitted, I was left with no choice, but to resort to the last survival option that I learned from TV… I gave out a loud blood curdling scream. Just as the 2 scoundrels got themselves ready to pound on me, suddenly, I heard something growling, very loud. The loud noise staggered the 2 brutes as well and everything seemed like frozen for a moment there.

That was when I saw something that I wouldn’t forget for the rest of my life. A man… no… a dog… no no… I wasn’t sure. It was a half man half dog creature in a rubber suit… who posed like a Leonardo DaVinci naked model. Needless to say, all the 3 of us were dumbfucked – as neither of us had any idea what the hell that thing wa. It ambled steadily towards our direction… until the shadow from it’s XXXL silhouette towered over us.

I was definitely scared shitless, for I was already being mugged by 2 thugs and then realizing that I had to deal with that monster dog shit. I shut my eyes tight – in hope that those motherfuckers would grant me a quick and painless death… when I heard a cool voice bellowing

“let go of the good looking gentleman… ”

It was that man-dog. He could talk. Cool – I thought.

One of the brutes didn’t spend another second to digest what the dog said and swung his club towards the man-dog’s face. Man-dog opened it’s mouth (muzzle actually) and snapped the club into 2 pieces… and started to bite on KingKong Bundee’s hand. Boy, he bit KingKong so hard that his hand turned purple.

KingKong managed to wriggle free and flee… but Triple H decided to try his luck. Using his super sharp durian blade, he tried to stab man-dog’s stomach but fuck his stomach skin was so tough, that the man-dog was just standing there ridiculing the thug as if his dick was as short as a pig’s nipple. “Ha ha ha… tremble before me you son of a bitch. ” And the man-dog proceeded to hump the shit out of Triple H… while yelling frantically “Cmon bebeh .. yesssss”

It scared me to death … for I witnessed the 2 brutes being desecrated and ravaged by that beast, indiscriminately. After he had done all that, it kinda gave me a lazy gaze and left the alley with style. What was that thing? A guardian of some sort? I don’t fucking know but, for sure, it actually rescued me from getting mugged. What an unbelievable and bizarre experience.

I continued to run back to my home after that… flashing to the pack of old people… smiled to a herd of grazing cows… and waved to a bunch of schoolgirls… day couldn’t have been any better. I would never jog in my life ever again.

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 

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