an intimate affair with a brake pedal

I was weaving through some obtusely sluggish bunch of cars as usual this morning on the bridge … until I came tailing behind this red Peugeot 406. As the bridge was narrow and this car was on the fastest lane, I was left with no choice but to tail behind this car. (to non-malaysians, Penang Bridge is a 13km narrow bridge-highway linking Penang island to the mainland)

Now, the distance between this car and the car infront, was about 20 meters .. but she (a lady driver, if it’s not obvious enough) kept braking her car for no apparent reason.

As some of you might not have known yet, braking inappropriately on the Penang Bridge could be very dangerous. A simple mistake could cause major accidents and cause hundreds of bridge commuters late for work.

It seemed that this lady driver has an inexplicable bond with her brake pedal. Every 2 seconds or so .. she would step on her brake and release. Step .. release. Step … release. As if her mind was fused together with her left leg - anything that goes through her impaired brain .. her left leg would react by stepping the brake.

Some examples :
When there’s a car overtakes her lane 100 over meters in front .. she brakes. When she saw someone brakes on her next lane, she brakes. She noticed me approaching behind through her rearview mirror … she brakes. She saw birds flew by … she brakes. She thought of her mother-in-law .. she brakes. She recalls how she faked her orgasm … she brakes. As if her car would get herpes or something if she didn’t step on the brake pedal.

Damn irritating.

So, I resorted to give her a highlight and a short honk - sort of like giving her a message - “wtf brake brake brake !? drive your goddamn car properly bitch !”. Guess what’s her reaction ? Brake. Her incongruous braking makes my blood boil. I was cussing her in languages that myself don’t even understand and finally, when there’s enough space to overtake her, I sped past this shithole spelunker.

She’s a perfect example of dangerous parasite that jeopardize the public safety on the road. She was so stupid that she did not know that if she refrain her feet from stepping the accelerator…it would actually prevent her car from going faster … that’s why she’a having an affair with her brake pedal. People like this ought to be made to copulate with the civet cats from China.

I managed to arrive at work on time without killing anyone today.