spot an idiot
I was asked to attend a session of presentation by a ‘very important person’ today. My boss Pete did it. Knowing that it would be boring, I wasn’t in the mood of attending but, I don’t have a choice as Pete indirectly stressed that “attendance is compulsory”. So, I kinda reluctantly brought myself into the auditorium like room.
It all looked dull as I walked past a mass crowd of engineers who had already taken half of the available seats. If my somber mood could be directly converted to sexual gratification, I would have ejaculated all over the goddamn room. I took a nearby empty seat and started daydreaming.
Then, something came to me. I suddenly have an insight on how to have fun and amuse myself throughout the vapid session of presentation. I decided to play a game called “Spot An Idiot”. The rules ? Observe the happenings around the room, and identify who’s the idiot. It got me excited and I sat upright tight - got myself ready to play the game.
idiot #1 : Pete.
Pete was the one who invited me to this stupid presentation. It’s a waste of time. I could have used the time to do something more meaningful like surfing the net. He automatically became an idiot for doing that. Hahah… that was fun.
idiot #2 : The ‘very important person’.
He looks like a typical white fat American cop with those thick moustache. Was that kind of nobody cop that always be the first to get shot (and die quickly) in any crime battle. Coz he’s too fat and easy to hit. He became an idiot for looking like one. Period. Damn, I’m having too much fun already.
idiot #3 : A director called Hamlae (try to find out what that means in Thai…)
Once the VIP’s presentation started, Hamlae brought in 3 tins of Diet Coke with 3 glasses of ice to the VP (VP came with another 2 American managers). That was clearly a fawning act. I mean, come on, the session was only like 1 hour … not that he’s embarking a 5 hours journey to hell or something. Sheesh… That sycophant worm ought to be shoved with a whale’s dick into his ass. He’s a clear winner of all idiots.
idiot #4 : a Malay lady clerk with head scarf
Her cellphone rings out loud during the VIP’s presentation. Cheapskate ringtone of classic P.Ramlee song. She answered it and hung up. Phone rings again. The first time was acceptable, but the second time was not. She could have switched her phone to silent after the first time. Idiot.
idiot #5 : the 1st American manager
It was his turn to present. That guy did his presentation entirely by looking at the screen, not the crowd. He was reading the slides …and spoke so softly that I can barely make up the words he said. (Not that it matters, as I’m not paying attention… but it’s important to determine if he’s an idiot). Heck, if it was all about reading slides, might as well let the crowd read it themselves. We have a confirmed idiot here. Oo yeah … so many idiots.
idiot #6 : the 2nd American manager
When this guy presented his slides, he started it off by talking about his beard. He has no beard. Well, he’s actually talking about how he used to have a beard. And I think that was lame. Nobody talks about beard during a formal presentation. And it was not funny. I think he’s fucking stupid. I-D-I-O-T.
idiot #7 : Dickhead.
If you remember Dickhead, he was one of the motherfuckers I’ve listed in my hate list. Why is he an idiot ? Well, he’s always an idiot .. no doubt. But to be fair to the game, he wasn’t one … until he raised his hand to ask the VIP a question. What question ? I don’t know, coz nobody in the room understood what he’s trying to ask. The VIP, being an idiot himself, kinda answered him blindly and his answer was totally out of context. Dickhead nodded in approval (even when the answer’s not what he wanted to know). He’s trying to show everyone he “boleh”. Fuck him. He’s an idiot.
idiot #8, #9, #10…
Fuck. So many of them. Engineers. It was as if they can’t wait to tell me that they’re an idiot. It’s like zombies creeping out of the muddy dirt. A few engineers stood up to ask stupid questions … like “What is your strategy … bla bla … what is your plan … bla bla … what do you think… bla bla…” Fucking flatterers. Why won’t they ask the VIP through email if they wanted to know so much ? Why has it got to be during the presentation ? To seek attention - that’s why. Idiots everywhere.
idiot #infinity : the VIP again
I don’t understand why he can become a VIP. The rotund idiot was not only stupid, but he’s full of bullshit as well. Stone faced and probably had a 20 second delay to react to anything. He likes to use high level words… like “deliverables, strategy, align, synergize, teamwork”. Fuck. None of his presentation makes sense.
Eg. “My organization plans to work on reducing this & that through teamwork. With strategy.” Yes, but how ? Everyone kinda fucking knows what’s the goal … but HOW ? What are you high paying bastards doing except wasting time presenting something that was so spastic ? A lot of talks going on, and I have heard the same thing for so many years. None of them actually put to work.
I decided to stop counting after that - because the VIP kept showing up in my radar screen and kept messing the score. I kinda lost count and stopped.