July 22, 2004

bat vs spider

I always liked both of these superheroes – Batman and Spiderman. If I get to choose who would I be, I’ll probably have a hard time deciding. But then, I know I’ll eventually go with Batman. Here are the reasons why… obviously…

Batman – that guy’s rich and good looking. He always has awesome looking girls going after him. Even if he’s off duty, his life is never dull – because he’s just too loaded to be dull. And yeah, not to mention he also owns a magnificent motor car, a private jet, a sexy helper (batgirl), a sidekick (robin), a faithful servant and a nice castle. He loves his job night and day, 100% satisfaction.

Spiderman – is meager looking and young. Heck, he even have zit marks. He can stick to walls, which is a pretty cool feat. With that, I reckon he won’t find it difficult to peep at his favorite model taking a shower. He can swing anywhere he wanted to, nice. But his off-duty life is a bit of a sad affair. Poor, almost jobless and lack of life. Well yeah… a couple of girl friends but… they are never crazy about him enough to warrant an exciting life. Kinda depressing to be Spiderman.

Moreover, I think if both of them were to have a 1-to-1 fight, Batman would probably cream Spidey’s ass with no sweat.

Scenario – a fight scene in an alley:
Spiderman casts a web over Batman, trapping him. Batman whips out a sonic cutter hidden inside his hi-tech gauntlet and frees himself. By that time, Spiderman already climbed up to the lamp post, ready to dive down for a kick at Batman’s nice dimpled chin.

Spiderman dives down and misses, as Batman manages to flip upwards with his built-in pogo stick inside his boots. Spiderman is in deep shit, because at that split second, Batman lands down with his knee, pounds Spiderman right in the middle of his masked skull. THOOOOORRRKKK !!

The red masked hero goes down and is writhing in pain. Batman lifts him up and gives him a 360 degree pile-drive on the hard concrete floor. Spiderman’s mask is half ripped due to the poor quality material used (because he’s so damn poor). Batman then gives Spiderman another kick at the spine, catapulting him onto the open road and gets mowed by a car. Car is badly wrecked but Spiderman is unscathed. He then gets up and swing towards Batman, with a projectile kick.

Sensing danger, Batman slips out a can of insecticide from his cape and sprays it with all his might. It partly destroys Spiderman’s red boots exposing some of his toes. The arachnid hero is choking hard from the insecticide poisoning… and is high time disoriented.

Taking advantage of the situation, Batman whips out his mobile phone and calls for his sidekicks for help. And now, we have Batman, Batgirl and Robin rounding Spiderman up. Together, they pummeled the shit out of Spiderman. By the time the heroic bat trio finish having their fun, Spiderman is already reduced to a very bruised dude with badly torn rubber costume, with his spidery dick dangling out on the filthy walkway.

Then, Batman squat down close to Spiderman and denigrates him with some Hokkien profanities – “Leh mar ho beh kan…” (translation: Your mom gets fucked by a horse..). While Batman is doing that, Robin takes out a can of spray paint and draws some graffiti on the nearest sidewalk – PETER PARKER IS SPIDERMAN.

After that, the three of them walk nonchalantly off the ghetto-ish alley… how cool.

Batman rawks.

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 

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