There is a room next to my lab which is locked all the time. Inside are just a bunch of piping and air con doohickeys… that aren’t of any importance to me, and nobody’s suppose to use that door anyway.
Today, we (me and the other engineers) heard some noises coming from inside. It started with a few clickings. Kind of built up a little tension at first, as it was usually quiet inside. That was when we started to give some attention to that room, you know, just to get prepared to flee the lab in case there was any shrilling female voice cackling or calling our names.
Then suddenly… we heard somebody shouted inside – “Kanneh ma cheee byeeee eh !!!“. Hahah… goddamn. It wasn’t a ghost. It was a bunch of Ah Bengs carrying out renovation work inside. Never got to see their faces but, I was pretty sure, they are a bunch of Ah Bengs. Why? Here are the reasons why…
1) Of every sentence they utter, there would always be the word “mother”. Eg. Leh mar ler… kau giak kheong kan…
2) They would always talk when working. And it is always the story about some adventure with an Ah Lian inside a local swing-head disco.
3) Every 30 minutes or so, there would be a quarrel. And when they quarrel, there would be mother of all heaven profanities.
4) Once a while, someone will drum a lion dance tune when working.
5) There would always be someone singing at work. Eg. Bobby McVee’s More Than I Can Say…
Alright, basically, our lab was littered with noise pollution today. I thought I was bad, but those bunch of Ah Bengs live and feed on profanities. Like I said, of every sentence that came out from their mouth, there would be at least 30% profanity. Made me felt uncomfortable, but thoroughly entertained.
There was once, they even argued (in Hokkien) about their underwear brand.
Beng #1 : “Lim peh eh teh kho si behsache eh aa …”
(translation : My underwear is a ‘Versace’ brand..)
Beng #2 : “Lu kheong kan lah !… behsache mana ooh teh kho eh!”
(translation : Fuck dude! ‘Versace’ never produced underwear before!)
Beng #1 : “Leh mar ler ! Ha mi lang kong ??”
(translation : Your mother! Says who ??)
Beng #2 : “Lu mien hau seow lar … sio kong lim peh beh hiau si boh ?”
(translation : Don’t bluff … you think I didn’t know?)
Beng #1 : “Lancheow ! behsache an chua eh boh teh kho ??”
(translation : Dick ! Who said there is no Versace branded underwear??)
The argument went on for like 10 minutes or so. With them hooting each other in the most obscene language one can ever imagine. Almost made me barf my spleen out.
Damn, these people ought to live in the same neighborhood with the real Osama Bin Laden. To make their noise in the cave networks of the freezing Afghanistan mountains. I am fucking sure that it wouldn’t take long for Osama to commit suicide for having too much brain damage out of their lion dance drumming and their kanineh language. And then there shall be world peace for eternity…