I bet a lot of you guys noticed that Barney the purple dinosaur have invaded our national radio recently. Apparently, there has been some kind of promotion of that prehistoric menace around. Kids are getting excited and cool people like me (and you) have been getting agitated with its presence.
Now, what is so wrong about that purple piece of saturated fat? If you haven’t realized the dangers we’re already in, then shame on you.
You see, we creatures exist with colors on this planet for some reasons. Dark skinned humans at hotter regions to protect from the harmful rays of the sun (Google up for ‘pigments’). Camouflage colors to hide from predators (wearing dark hood at night to prevent Ah Longs). Bright colors to attract potential mates (retro make ups by sluts in rave parties for one night stands). Best examples would be the animals. Watch Animal Planet to learn more about them.
The first thing that is so wrong about this controversial character… is that it has that type of purple that would make even Cyndi Lauper cringe in embarrassment. Goddamn. We all know that purple is a very ridiculous color to be assigned to a living creature (see Elton John), what more a prehistoric lizard that has a cool and intimidating reputation of eating everything in sight… Fine, let’s ignore the color.
Let’s talk about its physical features. Short limbs, extremely obese and big head. It doesn’t actually look like a dinosaur. Yes… it has the features of a dinosaur but definitely doesn’t look like a dinosaur. It should be called a purple buffoon or something. And with the name Disaster. Loser. or [insert your mother in law's name]. Of all its features, the face is the most disturbing part. It has this flat and wide look that resembles an old orangutan. If you do not know what an orangutan is, well, it’s actually those office clerks that work in government tax office. Here’s a picture of comparison between Barney and an orangutan – damn … what an insult to the office clerks !
Then, also notice that Barney has a very nice set of perfectly bleached white human teeth (sparkling at times). What the fuck is going on here? From the way Barney looks, I think it’s of a T-Rex origin or some big lizard that eats other dinosaur (carnivorous). In that case, it should have a set of fearsome looking razor sharp teeth to tear the tough skin of other dinosaurs… and also to grind meat for better digestion. But by looking at Barney’s teeth – it was as if it maintained a bubble gum diet and probably just off its braces. Those set of teeth don’t look carnivorous to me. Not to mention the way it does those awkward dances (on national TV !) and sing those gaudy tunes that could kill a full grown retarded pig. Oh… this is getting more and more ridiculous.
Well, one may ask – what harm will Barney do to our kids with all that goofy features? Imagine yourself spending thousands of ringgit (or insert your own currency here) buying encyclopedias for your kids. You hope that your kids would learn, and have stronger general knowledge by reading them. And he learned a lot about cool prehistoric creatures like Tyrannosaurus, Squeezetitsaurus, Sexysaurus or whatever from the book. The real stuffs. Then, one day, your kid suddenly saw Barney doing one of his stupid absurd acts on national TV… and he then asks you what is that mother-of-all creatures thing on TV? Ok, you tell him that it’s a cartoon character on TV. Then, the spoiler came – it’s written there in the program that it’s a PURPLE DINOSAUR. Your kid gets obfuscated. Dad says it’s a cartoon character. TV says it’s a purple dinosaur. Books says nothing. Who should he trust ?
Soon, he’ll grow up to have mistrust at the society he’s living in. He will then start to isolate himself in his own world and mutilate animals for fun. He’ll grow up to be a very disturbed individual and get frequent mental breakdowns. At the crest of his sick grownup life… he’ll either becomes a clerk that works in a government tax office… or a psychotic dictator that who dreams of conquering the world. Look at what Barney did to Saddam.
Give your child a proper education. Buy them books. Teach them proper science. If they want to play or have some fun, bring them to the playground or have a good time at a nearby water park. Stay away from the purple lizard. Fuck Barney.