Archive for June, 2004

June 9, 2004

long and crazy night (pt 2)

Soon, we ran out of porn. I was also before long, the house owner’s father came home. No more fun – we thought. But that was just the beginning. It appeared that the friend’s father was a booze brewing enthusiast, and had been brewing some booze at home. To him, that night was an opportunity for him to get feedback for his stuff – and we were all eager to test out his booze for him.

And that, was the first time I ever tried liquor. Not very strong but they were good enough to give us an idea how alcohol was like. We drank together and talked and laughed about the porn movie that we just watched. Some of the guys even went to the toilet for a prolonged period for some special reason.

We did not get drunk that night as my friend’s father wasn’t really evil enough to ply minors with alcohol. He was a responsible person so, we didn’t get to drink much. We hung out until it was midnight, and then we went to the nearby mamak stall to get something to eat… and talked more about the porn movie there. And again, that was the first time I had been to a mamak stall that operates way after midnight…

Alright, then we returned to the house, and someone took out a deck of playing cards. Before I realize what we should do next, the guys were getting ready with their pocket money for a few games of poker and blackjacks, and the place instantly became a casino… with teenage boys shouting profanities, some imitating the moans from the porn… and some were even howling when they lost a game or two. It was a busy night for all of us… and we went mad until it was way past 2am.

By 3am, everyone started to get tired… and there were only a few of us left with the gambling (I was one of them). Some of the guys simply stopped and hung out at the corner of the big room to discuss… again… about that unbelievable porn movie. Henry was the only one who’s asleep.

When we realized that we’re out of activity, the house owner came up with an idea. He brought out his blue magic marker pen and started to draw some whiskers on Henry’s face. We then broke into a comatose inducing laughter – which we tried hard to suppress so not to wake Henry up. Then, each of us took turn to ink something on my Henry’s face… until there was no space left. His face became like some boogeyman from the Borneo jungle with weird tattoos.

*to be continued…

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which is better ?

A conversation with a friend in ICQ last night …

Me : 34 B too small

friend : i think is just perfect.

Me : C is the best lar…

friend : nononono. 34B !!

Me : 33C is good… if D… it would be awesome …Emily – 33C

friend : adui. no. 34B.

Me : ex gf – 33B not that good

friend : I INSIST.

Me : i tried 33B before (almost same lah) … not impressive…

friend : 33 not same lah

Me : what … u 34B mia pasal ?

friend : 1 inch damn alot difference u know

Me : aiyah .. the nipple can change size one mah… can compensate that 1 inch somemore

friend : heh. 34B when normal then.

Me : 34 B ? i think too much flesh at the back lah. macam itu hunchback of notre damn

friend : no la u never see b4 =/ u never share changing rooms w girls u will never know. hehehhehehehehe

Me : ok … let me find one .. and give opinion. i tried 35 C before … it’s AWESOME

friend : when she’s 35 it will be at her waist. *URL removed*

Me : nope .. it’s firm … the girl’s 170 cm tall … damn curvy bodylah

friend : you wait la when she grow old.

Me : oh wait .. why am i telling u this ? u’re *name removed* … damn

friend : =P i used to have slumber parties k in my room. girls changing there very publicly. also used to swim. changing rooms full of them lah.

Me : hah … but u only get to see … i get to touch leh

friend : aiyer i dunwan to touch.

Me : coz u are a girl maa…

friend : shit la women are dangerous creatures k. cannot simply touch

Me : tell me something i don’t know …

friend : abit stoopid right to play with fire. =P i keep away frm them lah. i prefer men.

Me : damn … coz you’re fire yourself lah …dongoi

friend : yalah. true. hehehhe

Lessons learnt –
1) not only guys are obsessed with boobies
2) some girls forget about their sexuality at times… which can be weird.
3) girls are dangerous creatures

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June 8, 2004

long and crazy night (pt 1)

I was just 15 at the time when our science teacher organized an event for us to observe some planet with his telescope. That idea only works when the sky is dark so… we were all asked to gather at the school compound 6am on the designated day. For those who can make it, will get to see some naked chicks on another planet. For those who can’t… well, they’re going to miss a great opportunity to see something wonderful from the outer space. Most of us were very excited about the event… and none of us would want to miss the opportunity.

But we had a problem. We were required to convene at 6 fucking am. There weren’t any bus service at that hour… and most of us lived far away from the school. At that age, all of us were dependent on the public bus to commute so, an alternative transport was totally out of the question (we were too young to have our own transport). Then one of the BODs (Board of Directors – my group of best of best friends) suggested to spend a night at a friend’s place the night before – which was approximately 5 minutes’ walk away from the school… The idea was a brilliant one to which, all the BOD’s briskly agreed without a second thought and had the plan set.

Alright, as most of you know, when a group of teenage blokes get together in a place, they are usually up to no good. We are of no exception. That night unexpectedly turned out to be one of the craziest night I had in my teenage years.

Back to the sleepover plan. We met at the friend’s house at about 7pm. His house was HUGE. The center of his living room was big enough to house 2 tennis courts (ok… that was an exaggeration… just 2 table tennis tables). Some of the guys started their night by playing table tennis… while the rest of us relaxed on the couch watching TV.

It started out like an ordinary night until… someone whipped out a porn tape and played it on the VCR. When the sound of spasmodic moans reverberated across the living room, the table tennis team stopped in their tracks and made a beeline towards the TV. So it sort of became a porn watching fest there. The tape was a Japanese hardcore porn, I remember… and that was the first time I ever saw a porn movie (alright, I was a late comer… tease me if you like…)

It was that one magic tape that opened our windows of confined views… the very one tape that made us adults… a dictionary for all our curiosities. We learned everything about sex within the same night… blowjobs, 69, dot the eyes, you name it. It was like a mass graduation of a super compact sex education. During the entire event, hysterical laughs and shrieks can be heard across the living room… as everything seemed to look so hilariously funny to our juvenile mind.

Then came the emergency. A rapid knock on the main door interrupted our biology lesson. If there’s a live example on how a human being could defy gravity without any wings, that would be an event to prove it. The BODs panicked and one of us switched off the tv. The house owner calmed himself down… and answered the door. It was his neighbor… a middle aged housewife who came looking for his dad. The bitch kept asking a lot of questions, and we were all cussing her hard from behind the door for the interruption. After about a few minutes (which felt like eternity), she finally left, and we continued our porn adventures.

It was all fun again… until… another emergency came. It was the freaking phone this time (which was on top of the TV). The house owner answered the phone after lowering the volume of the TV and much to my surprise, the phone call was for me. It was my mom. She called in to check if I was ok.

Mom : “Why didn’t you call home from your friend’s house ??”

Me : “I forgot mom.”

Mom : “What are you doing now??”

Me : “Watching TV mom…”

Mom : “Are you watching porn??”

Me : “Errhh… no mom! How could you say that!?” [I fucking panicked… how did she find out??]

I quickly motioned my friends to turn off the video and check what was on the TV. It was “Superman IV”…

Mom : “Don’t lie, I know you’re watching porn with your friends…”

Me : “No mom! We were watching Superman on TV! And now you’re spoiling the show!”

Mom : “Oh… they’re showing Superman on TV? I didn’t know that…” [sound of TV being switched on]

And at that time, some of my friends were making those fake orgasm noises in the background and were fucking laughing at my ass.

Mom : “What was the noise?”

Me : “Those are my friends mom… they’re making the porn noises to convince you…”

Mom : “Ok… behave yourself, ok? Call home if anything…”

I gave some of the guys a flying elbow right after the phone call, and we continued to watch our porn.

*to be continued …

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Eric the disturbed – and chowhound

Went to have my lunch at a regular teochew porridge shop with my lunch members — Eric wolfed down 3 bowls of large porridge, 2 pieces of fried large eel, mowed down almost all the dishes on the table, a large glass of beverage… and a large packet of jackfruit.

He definitely dumbfucked everyone today. The very thought of the amount of food he took alone, is making me sick. It was as if we went to lunch with a walking garbage truck.

I then threw him a question out of my bedazzlement

Me : “Good grief!! What the fuck is wrong with you?? Growing up??”

Eric : “Uncle Eric is in the mood to eat today. Hehehh!”

Then another colleague remarked,

BigSnake : “Eric, you should be grateful that you are not born in places like southern India or Ethiopia… ”

Then Doug joined in,

Doug : “India will lose a portion of it’s continent on the map if this fucker were to be born there… He’ll eat everything up”

Eric : “You pussies are just jealous…”

Our snide remarks didn’t seem affect him much – as he continued to hoover everything on the table. And after that, he shouted out loud “Let’s go to whack some cendol… bebeh !”

Never had I seen someone with such a capacity to eat. It was as if his stomach has the magical ability to make food disappear without any need to digest them. If there’s any living person that could make a buffet chain restaurant go chapter eleven, Eric would be the one.

I told him that he is a reincarnation of a very screwed hungry ghost…. and he responded by letting out a comatose inducing fart.

Disturbed … indeed.

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June 7, 2004

some questionaire

Got this from Hanyi’s and auyong’s blog. Thought it was fun, and decided to try it out.

1) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
[…models, well suited for engineers and … Resistance and conductance…. (Fluke test tools catalogue) ]

2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
[my darn office phone — yes.. I freaking blog from the office]

3) What is the last thing you watched on TV?
[D-Day in color on Discovery channel last night.]

4) WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is:

5) Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?

6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
[I can hear … SOUNDS of course. What kind of question is this?]

7) When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
[outside where ? If outside my cube, I went to the toilet 15mins ago. If outside the office, for my breakfast a few hours ago]

8) Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
[my notebook LCD screen]

9) What are you wearing?
[some clothes…]

10) Did you dream last night?
[ I don’t remember…]

11) When did you last laugh?
[3 hours ago… was laughing at a pair of dogs stuck after having sex…]

12) What is on the walls of the room you are in?
[dried paint… white in color]

13) Seen anything weird lately?
[everything looks weird to me… because I’m special… I think]

14) What do you think of this quiz?
[this is not a quiz. This is a questionnaire. I think it’s stupid… but a good way to kill time]

15) What is the last film you saw?
[“The Day After Tomorrow” – the movie sucked]

16) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
[A big bungalow with cash]

17) Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
[how the hell do I know if you know about the things I’m about to tell?]

18) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
[ban all religions and governments…]

19) Do you like to dance?
[with girls – yes.]

20) George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or some one who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?
[Neither. He’s an asshole full of unwiped diarrhea shit]

21 a) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

21 b) Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

22) Would you ever consider living abroad?
[Depends. If it’s behind a tree in Linyanti national park – sorry no. I’m thinking of certain places in the US]

michaelooi  | nonsense  | Comments Off