My relationship with Emily has always been a fun-going one. We always call each other names… and always play pranks to each other. It has always been like this ever since I met her 9 years ago.
There was one particular mischief that I always liked to do around her – was that whenever I am outside her apartment (back to the days when we weren’t living together), I would hide myself and then call out like a cat in a falsetto voice instead of knocking. Whenever Emily hears that, she would then hop out happily to greet me with a hug and we’ll have passionate sex right at the entrance… Alright, I made that having sex part out. But you get the idea.
Of course, I had to make sure that she is alone before I fucking do that. To be caught in an act like this would be catastrophically embarrassing. It is a very private kind of thing that you do not want people to know. Never been caught doing that… except that one fine Saturday morning.
On that fine Saturday morning, as usual, I had an appointment with Emily… and I was suppose to go up to her apartment to meet her. I called her on the previous night, and learned from her that there would be no one around her apartment that morning. So, my plan was set – I’m gonna purr at her as usual… and we’ll hug and do cool stuff that lovers do. Like squeezing zits and removing gray hairs… (hey, what the fuck were you guys thinking?)
Once I was there, I tip-toed myself around the corridor towards her apartment, like a very stealthy ninja. My objective was not to assassinate anyone or anything, but to ensure my presence go unnoticed… and I’m gonna go ‘meow-meow’ at Emily. I took a peek from the corner of her unclosed main door from outside — learned that she was not in the living room. I could see that her room door was half open, and I was sure she would hear my feline call. I then opened up my mouth, and purred like a fool, the most affectionate call of the cat ever — meow-meow — in my most impersonation of a delicate voice ever (that I reckon could make a gay cat cry)
A short pause, then I took another peek to see if Emily heard my call. She was nowhere to be seen, but I could hear some friction against the floor of someone moving… but obviously not a sound of someone walking. WTF – I thought. She probably didn’t hear me, and so, I gave another call. Meow-meow… and hid myself again.
I heard some movement after that, and took another peek. But before I could see anything, I was blinded by a sudden flash of an object. Something that appeared right in front of me (at the entrance) when I was peeking out. It was Emily’s sister – checking out some weird noises that she apparently heard. There were approximately 3 – 4 seconds of stunned silence when we looked at each other in the eyes. I was frozen and she was dumbfucked. She was looking at me with an expression words cannot describe… the kind that tells me she’s ready to blast her spit and phlegm laughing out.
It was such a fucking embarrassment. If I were to be a real ninja, I bet I would have performed seppuku on myself right on the spot. I was uttering some profanities under my breath for that, but didn’t say a word. I was too fucking scared to even talk… and pointed inside – gesturing that I was looking for Emily… not her. And then, she gave out a smirk and called out loud for Emily … that “Michael is looking for you!”
The episode ends here… for everything went black and white from thereon. I told Emily the whole thing… and she laughed shitless like a hyena with a brain damage. For sure, if I have a mobile phone back then, this probably wouldn’t have happened. Goddamn.
*apparently, Emily’s sister filed for an emergency sick leave that day… and that was why she’s there…