June 15, 2004

the pink package

Today, I went to the Logistics department to do something fairly important when a female colleague approached me. She was standing beside me until my attention was distracted, and then said this — “Michael… nah!”.

Nope. She did not flip her middle finger to me. If she did, I would have bitten her tits till it turns purple. She was actually giving me a package. It was a pink colored box in a plastic bag.

“What is this?” I asked.

“Can you pass this package to [my neighbor]’s daughter ?” (that neighbor who lives next to me, is also my colleague). Then she gave a lengthy explanation… while I was busy ogling at her tits.

Apparently, that thing was a box of Barbie doll set to be given as a gift for that neighbor’s daughter. That neighbor has been absent from work for the past few days and the doll set was about to turn stale. That was why my help was sought… to get the package out of the office into the hands of my colleague’s daughter…

As that female colleague with nice rack was about to bail, I suddenly realized the situation I was in,

Me : “Awwww… man… not this!” [as I wake from the illusion of kneading her tits]

Colleague with tits : “Just pass it to [my neighbor]’s daughter… ok? Bye!”

I thought of bitching more, but the tits bounced away happily without giving a damn about any of my opinions. I was left standing in the Logistics department holding a box of Barbie doll looking like a possible candidate of Pedophile of the Century. Oh fuck. The situation was damn embarrassing. How am I gonna face the society if I were to be seen carrying this piece of disaster around? It would definitely leave a scar in my reputation in the company.

I quickly fled back to my own office cube, and hid the Barbie package under my office desk – which, was unfortunately seen by one of my colleagues in the process. I took no chances and explained to him – “Fuck dude, this is not what you think it is. This is not mine. This is for my neighbor’s daughter… ok? I’m doing this for a friend.” Alright, he believed me, I believed.

Then came the hardest part – that was to carry the package out from the plant without being seen. The idea was to stealthily sneak out from my office, pass the security checkpoint, and to vanish myself in the sea of cars in the parking lot. I picked the moment when there were less people walking about, and quickly fled towards the exit.

I had to go through the security checkpoint because I had my work notebook in hand… So, I was kinda like hiding the package behind me when the security housewife was raiding my notebook bag. I was praying hard that she didn’t see the package… but I was unlucky. She saw it… and asked “Apa tu?” … to which I sheepishly showed her that it wa a fucking Barbie doll set. She was kinda like giving me this kind of look – as if I’m confused with my own sexuality. I gave a quick reply to even up the situation – “Boss mia anak mia patung” and scurried towards my car without looking back.

It was a close call. I was almost seen by a few chicks who happened to be searching for their car in the parking lot. Upon reaching my car, I slam dunked the package into my trunk and sped off.

Lesson learnt: Never accept packages of unknown origin.
sidenote about Barbie :

Barbie doll is the motherfuckest toy product mankind has ever created to deceive young little bastards. It’s a disease and a parasite of our civilization. This doll has evolved from a simple concept of a doll (you know, tea party or shits like that) into a hip teenager icon who adopts a slutty lifestyle that spends all her money on chintzy clothes and makeup apparatus. It indirectly promotes excessive spending among the youngs… and causes massive inflation.

And what more? Barbie is fucking expensive, and parents are often found themselves getting ripped off by spending a few hundred bucks buying pieces of a plastic slut that has an endless supply of props, which are always being sold separately, expensively. And this plastic slut even has a boyfriend named Ken — who doesn’t have a dick and looks like a total prick. I mean, if Barbie can be a slut and has a body that suggests she looked like one… why can’t Ken have a dick? What’s a guy without a dick? Is this what I think it’s trying to portray here? – female chauvinism or excessive desire of control over the male species? This is so fucking sick.

michaelooi  | happenings  | 

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