June 14, 2004

sleepwalk, sleeptalk

You know, it’s really dangerous when you have the habit of talking yourself stupid when you’re sleeping. Especially when your surroundings are filled with people who would not hesitate to take the liberty to listen to every single word of it. That was what happened to my friend Ayamas during our weekend Euro2004 match party in a hotel room.

We were watching the Spain-Russia match when Ayamas fell asleep. Snoring on a couch. It was then, Ricky made a bogus call to Ayamas’ mobile phone – thought of waking the slouch up. When his Phantom of The Opera ring tone wailed out, Ayamas jerked up in such a haste and yelled out his girlfriend’s name – as if she was there to give him a nasty boner up his ass with a king sized dildo with built in vibrator.

From his reflex that night, we inadvertently discovered an ugly fact – that he’s probably freaking scared of his girlfriend. He’s someone who looked like a macho dude during the day, but a sex slave at night. That’s just a cruel way to let your friends know your darkest secrets.

But Ayamas’ case was actually nothing if it is compared to the case of sleepwalking. I have a cousin who has this problem – sleepwalking. He is known to wake up in the middle of the night, and wander around the house with his eyes wide open – but is never really conscious all the while. Usually, all he does is just walk, and when he’s tired, he will go back to sleep on his bed.

But there was once, my cousin’s sleepwalking took an ominous turn into the darker side when he started to talk while sleepwalking. Double whammy. And boy it was a bad start. It happened when he was just merely 9 years old. It was very late at night, when his dad (my uncle) was watching porn… alone, when his son (my cousin) came wandering into the room in his sleep. My cousin then took a seat beside my uncle on the couch… and watched the porn together with him – without any expression or even blink. Of course this got my uncle in a real uncomfortable situation… and he did not know what to do next. My uncle knew his son was sleepwalking so, he decided just to let the little guy do what he wanted. So, my uncle was kinda like sit together with his sleepwalking son on a couch… watching porn.

After for what it must be like 5 minutes, my cousin suddenly turned to look at his dad… and cussed “Kanneh ma chee bye…” (fuck your mom’s cunt – in Hokkien dialect). My uncle was completely dumbfucked. He just responded “Ok ok… now go back to sleep”. But that wasn’t the end. My cousin then took a second wave of profanity attack against his father “Kanneh ma puki…” (fuck your mom’s cunt — in a different Hokkien synonym). My uncle gave the same response – “Ok ok… I know… now, go back to sleep” … and this time, he obeyed his dad and went back to his bed.

Scary shits. The story was retold by my uncle. When I told my cousin about it… he just shrugged and claimed that he didn’t know about it. Well, he could be lying all these while… I wouldn’t know, or it could be a really bad case of sleepwalking.

Whatever it is, just take heed of this — if you have the habit of talking in your sleep, better sleep alone or with your mouth gagged.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 

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