Archive for May, 2004

May 10, 2004

marder day

Sunday, overheard in a DVD shop at a shopping mall

Ah Lian : “Wah… lu kua tiok boh? Tiam kam kaliau”
[Wah… can you see that? All shops are closed]

Ah Beng : “Si loh… kanneh… mm chai hamisu…”
[Yeah… fuck… I wonder why…]

Ah Lian : “Marder Day maa …”
[Marder Day maa…]

Ah Beng : *Laughing very hard* “Haaaaaahhhhhh… Marder Day!!”
[Haaaaaahhhhhh… Marder Day !!]

Ah Lian : “Si lah… Marder Day lar… mm butt thia koeh si boh?”
[Yes lah… Marder Day lar… haven’t you heard of that before?]

Ah Beng : “Mother’s Day laaaaa…. aiyooooooo”

Apparently, that Ah Beng could speak some decent English, and was ridiculing that Ah Lian for the ‘Marder Day’ remark. How rude.

heheh..

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“Van Helsing” (2004)

Watched “Van Helsing” on Friday night. Entertaining shit. Summarized comments :

1) Really liked that Mr.Hyde character in the beginning of the movie. The big guy reminded me of a friend’s father. You know, the distinctive features of excessive testosterone… big… fucking ugly. They made him looked strong and vicious… and so alive… and I actually imagined the guy having a breath reeked of cigar and Guinness Stout.

2) The Frankenstein monster… which has an uncanny resemblance to that plump Sam character in LOTR. Initially, when Dr.Frankenstein shouted “he’s alive”, I thought I would be expecting something real nasty… but only to discover later in the film that the monster actually had somekind of babyface .. and a lispy voice. This has got to be the lamest character in the flick.

3) Count Dracula – mentioning the name makes me think of a pervert looking vampire dude with a really cheesy hairstyle + tux… and often spotted with a shiny pair of Larry’s shoe. But in this movie, the Count has a lengthy hair with an earring. The Dracula character looked more like a pimp than a scary vampire.

4) Right, then come to the Harpies – the 3 wives of that pimp Dracula. They looked mean and ugly alright. With a mouth so big that they could fellate a whale’s dick. The design of these 3 characters are awesome. Only thing that I noticed about them – is that they don’t have nipples! Just like Cheetara in Thundercats! What the fuck??

5) Also noticed that all the female characters inside this movie have ravine deep cleavage. Flat chested women don’t seem to exist during that time… very thought provoking.

6) And then there was this Dr Frankenstein’s slave – Igor – who resembled Tommy Lee Jones in many ways. Heck, I even thought they were twins. This guy is a pure badass. A typical snob with no dignity. With a simple threat of cutting his fingers, he would change his standpoint from “No I wouldn’t” …to “Yes I would” – bad script and character planning.

7) The coolest part of the movie has got to be the moment when Hugh Jackman turned himself into a werewolf, and started to beat the shit out of the monster version of Dracula. Really liked the part where they were pile-driving each other crashing through everything in their path.

Not to mention countless of funny scripts that were perfectly fitted into some of the serious plots. Not bad at all.

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | Comments Off

the pigeon girl strikes

It was Friday night, and I was hanging out near the cinema entrance chatting with one my friends while waiting for the movie to start, when suddenly, my biological radar picked up some fast moving object coming towards my direction. I wasn’t sure what it was but I chose not to react.

And that was a mistake. The object, happened to be a girl, and she bumped into me. Chest first. I could tell from the impact that the pair of boggles was mainly stuffed with sponges, not much substance… but that’s not the point I am trying to make here.

I then took a good look at that blind bat who bumped into me (I thought could someone I know playing prank on me). It was Kotex. If anyone can remember her, she was the girl I blogged about in February… that works in my company and walks like a pigeon. The girl with the serious posture problem.

So there was this awkward moment of silence there. Me looking at her, and her tits… she gazing at me without any reaction. And without saying a word, she stomped off, just like that. Still reeling in from the bizarre turn of event, I somehow could tell right at that moment that she walked into me on purpose… for some weird and twisted reasons. Maybe she wanted me to get into her pants, or she’s just plain horny… whatever, but the large part of it – that I am sure of – was for the attention. She wanted me to notice her, and when I failed that, she deliberately brushed her tits on me. Yeah… what a fucking slut.

I saw her again this morning … and she was conspicuously whispering with 2 of her best friends while looking at my direction. Needless to say, she was most likely gossiping something about me. Probably about me and my poor sense of fashion, and how I was trying to cop a feel of her by deliberately bumping into her tits… and all the injustices she could think of to assassinate my character for not noticing her that night…

Girls are so fucking cheap nowadays…

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May 7, 2004

security

When I arrived at work this morning, I noticed a housewife-security guard smirking at me. I was a little bit freaked of course… because it was unnatural of her to do that.

Thinking that my zipper might be open, I covered up my crotch with my notebook bag… and that was when she greeted me with her shrilling voice – “good morning michael… heheheh” – yes, complete with a cackle. I so fucking wanted to yell some expletives at her, but I was afraid she would go apeshit and force herself on me. So, I just walked the hell out of the place as fast as I could without looking back.

I wonder what the fuck was the greeting all about. Not that her morning greet’s going to make my morning any better. If she just wanted to be nice, she could have given me a simple smile… it’ll work in a less awkward way. Maybe that lady was having her menopause and had a hormone imbalance in her body. But that still doesn’t justify on the creepy ass smirk she gave me.

Man I’m going to need to arm myself with a stun gun next time…

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May 6, 2004

story of doofus III

I spent the whole Sunday looking for shirts with similar theme around Penang’s famous Chowrasta market… and along Campbell street. How fortunate for me, I finally found a black blouse with the word “Amani” printed on it. The boss told me it’s a counterfeit of Giorgio Armani… only that the person who copied the words made a spelling mistake – he missed out the “r”. But I bought it nevertheless… as I don’t think my friends would notice the mistake… ha ha ha… this is so cool.

I left Penang around 7 pm to return to Selangor with my super cool Waja. Once I reached the Penang Bridge, I started to speed and rev my Waja to intimidate those stupid Penang drivers. I also deliberately swerved right and left in the traffic and followed real close behind a few vehicles…. to show them my awesome driving skills. It was fun to scare the shit out of them. I hope they know that KL/Selangor drivers are not to be messed with… ha ha ha

Just as I was passing through the middle section of Penang Bridge, I noticed that the scenery was very nice there, and I stopped my car by the side of it. I got down from my Waja (wearing my newly bought black ‘Amani’ blouse) and started to take a lot of pictures there. Some of the cars skidded and almost hit my parked Waja… but luckily, they didn’t. I think the little monks I’ve installed on my dashboard actually helped – with their blessing and all, and actually prevented any accident from happening… how cool.

Then, when I reached the mainland from the island, I started to speed in the 90kph zone highway. I was doing 140kph in the express lane when I saw this new black Chevrolet car driven by this super handsome Penang guy… and he was doing 110kph. There were some free space on the left lane but I don’t want to overtake him from inside. Instead, I followed him real close from behind, and repeatedly flashed him with my Waja’s super cool headlights.

Then suddenly, the black beautiful new car emitted a blinding beam of red light from its rear…. it was so bright that I couldn’t see a thing. I didn’t fucking know what it was… but I took no chances… so I backed up a distance from that black beautiful car as I thought he could be braking. Only after a while, I figured that he wasn’t braking… but he was using his rear fog light to intimidate me! That bastard ….

I became super pissed and kept highlighting him… until he finally moved over to let my car pass. Ha ha ha… I told you Penang drivers are chickens. Then, I sped up to 170 kph towards the South… hoping to reach the speed that no one has ever dared to go. But then, the black beautiful car followed me from behind, and gave me a permanent high beam… which was sooo bright until I couldn’t see a thing. Arrrgghhh ! KNNCCB !

I then slowed my Waja down to almost a halt… so that I can wait for him to overtake me … and let me high beam that bastard back. To my frustration, the black car tailed me from behind…he was too smart and didn’t overtake me… with his high beam still on. Arrrrggghhh… I almost committed suicide! I then sped again… this time, I swerved right and left to avert his high beam… and after a while… I finally managed to shake off that bastard and escaped. Pheww…

I reached KL after driving for 6 hours… because during halfway through my journey, I became real dizzy for swerving too much, and had to slow down to gain my composure. Upon reaching KL, I got down from my Waja and puked (too nauseous). *Sob* Damn Penang drivers… damn them for bullying me…. I swear I’m not going to Penang ever again … *Sob* *Sob*

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