Watched “Van Helsing” on Friday night. Entertaining shit. Summarized comments :
1) Really liked that Mr.Hyde character in the beginning of the movie. The big guy reminded me of a friend’s father. You know, the distinctive features of excessive testosterone… big… fucking ugly. They made him looked strong and vicious… and so alive… and I actually imagined the guy having a breath reeked of cigar and Guinness Stout.
2) The Frankenstein monster… which has an uncanny resemblance to that plump Sam character in LOTR. Initially, when Dr.Frankenstein shouted “he’s alive”, I thought I would be expecting something real nasty… but only to discover later in the film that the monster actually had somekind of babyface .. and a lispy voice. This has got to be the lamest character in the flick.
3) Count Dracula – mentioning the name makes me think of a pervert looking vampire dude with a really cheesy hairstyle + tux… and often spotted with a shiny pair of Larry’s shoe. But in this movie, the Count has a lengthy hair with an earring. The Dracula character looked more like a pimp than a scary vampire.
4) Right, then come to the Harpies – the 3 wives of that pimp Dracula. They looked mean and ugly alright. With a mouth so big that they could fellate a whale’s dick. The design of these 3 characters are awesome. Only thing that I noticed about them – is that they don’t have nipples! Just like Cheetara in Thundercats! What the fuck??
5) Also noticed that all the female characters inside this movie have ravine deep cleavage. Flat chested women don’t seem to exist during that time… very thought provoking.
6) And then there was this Dr Frankenstein’s slave – Igor – who resembled Tommy Lee Jones in many ways. Heck, I even thought they were twins. This guy is a pure badass. A typical snob with no dignity. With a simple threat of cutting his fingers, he would change his standpoint from “No I wouldn’t” …to “Yes I would” – bad script and character planning.
7) The coolest part of the movie has got to be the moment when Hugh Jackman turned himself into a werewolf, and started to beat the shit out of the monster version of Dracula. Really liked the part where they were pile-driving each other crashing through everything in their path.
Not to mention countless of funny scripts that were perfectly fitted into some of the serious plots. Not bad at all.