“van helsing”

Watched “Van Helsing” on Friday night. I don’t know, although it doesn’t seem to have a lot of logic in it, but it was entertaining for me nevertheless. Summarized comments :

1) Really liked that Mr.Hyde character in the beginning of the movie. That big guy reminded me of my friend Animal’s father. U know, distinctive feature of excessive testosterone … big … fucking ugly. They made him looked strong and vicious … and so alive … as if I can smell his Guiness Stout breath.

2) The Frankenstein monster.. which had an uncanny resemblance to that plump Sam character in LOTR. Initially, when Dr.Frankenstein shouted “he’s alive”, I thought I would be expecting something real nasty … but only to discover later in the film that the monster actually had somekind of babyface .. and a lispy voice. Man, they could have designed him better.

3) Count Dracula -it’s name usually depicts standard defining pervert looking vampire dude with a really cheesy hairstyle + tux … and often spotted with a shiny pair of Larry’s shoe. But in this movie, the guy’s spotted with a lengthy hair with an earring - how cool ! But then, it spoils the reputation of the famous vampire. In this movie, the character Dracula looked more like a pimp than a scary vampire. Except when he changed his form into a really mean looking monster … and he’s big.

4) Right, then come to the Harpies - the 3 wives of that pimp Dracula. They looked mean and ugly alright. With a mouth so big that it can fellate a whale’s dick. The design of these 3 characters are awesome. Only thing that we guys do take notice about them — is that they don’t have nipples ! What the fuck ?? The designer ought to have sex .. man !

5) Also noticed that all the female characters inside this movie have ravine deep cleavages. Flat chested women doesn’t exist during the medieval period (or was it the Renaissance ? they have guns..) … very thought provoking.

6) Then there’s this Dr Frankenstein’s slave - Igor - who resembled Tommy Lee Jones in many ways. Heck, I even thought they were twins. This guy … although a lame guy … but he’s a pure badass. A typical snob with no character or dignity. With a simple threat of cutting his fingers, he would change his standpoint from “No I wouldn’t” …to “Yes I would”. He got a bright future in starring as villains in future films.

7) The coolest part of the movie has got to be the moment when Hugh Jackman turned himself into a werewolf, and started to beat the shit out of the monster version of Dracula. Really liked the part where they were pile-driving each other crashing through everything in their path. Noticed that guys who turned themselves into werewolves always wore strong pants … so that they won’t torn into pieces during the transformation. Else, there will be dick scenes each time a werewolf transform itself back into human … and the censorship board wouldn’t be too happy about it….

Not to mention the countless funny scripts that has been perfectly fitted into some of the serious plots. Not bad at all. I am already looking for a DVD version now …