experience in an indian temple - blessing for my new car.

*long post…

I never was or will be a religious guy … and never really believed in god or something like that. A libertine of sorts. But the opposite goes for my mom. Poor mom still believes in god … especially the God of Fortune which she believes could bring her plenty of luck… and wealth.

That’s why, out of her dilapidated mind, she insisted me to take my new car (Lorraine) for a blessing on Saturday morning. A blessing from the gods to ensure that my car is rid of all evils and safe to be used as a transport. (truth is …. she wanted my number to go up first prize in 4D). Which I protested vehemently. But she threatened to scratch my Lorraine if I don’t comply her requirements.

So, I had no choice but to dig my ass up from bed to pay a visit to our local Indian temple to bless my new car. Yep, you heard it right, Indian temple. I do not know why but, it has been a common practice of sorts for Penangites to have their new cars blessed at an Indian temple. Perhaps the Chinese deities don’t have the expertise/technology to handle our cars…. *shrugs

I was still feeling nauseous from having too much drink the night before — and to wake up alone was a torture enough for me, what more to drive in that groggy state. Nevertheless, I managed to make it to the temple with Emily, which was located approximately the distance to the moon away…

Upon reaching there, I inquired a dude who was sitting behind a counter (yes, they have a counter at that temple) about the blessing service on my new car. Without even giving much explanation, the guy whipped out a book of receipt and asked for my car’s registration number — which I promptly gave him. He then filled in my name and my car registration number into that ‘receipt’… which looked more like a ‘ticket’ that costed 15 bucks … and asked me to pay up before submitting the ‘ticket’ to their priest.

The priest was hanging out with some of his buddies chewing betel leafs (sirih) when we approached him. He seemed to already knew what to do when I passed him the ‘ticket’ and proceeded to guide me to a shrine with a plethora of milk / coconut offerings. He asked for my car keys and buried it inside a coconut bowl full of flowers… and started to chant some mantra… which I think was about praising the gods so that He couldn’t help but oblige my request for a bless, to ensure my ABS brakes are working properly when needed… my rack & pinion power steering works till eternity… my airbags would deploy effectively in case of trouble… etc etc.

I was thinking of requesting the priest to ask God for an extra 50 or so horse power on Lorraine’s engine but hey… for 15 bucks… I think that’s a bit too much. Anyway, upon finishing the chant, the priest gave us some ash, followed by some yellowish powder (which I think was turmeric powder) and some red colored ones as well — all to be marked on our forehead. Then, the priest poured us some holy water to be consumed — which I reckoned was suppose to reduce the thirst that I’m having from the heavy drinking the night before. How understanding.

Then, the priest retired back to that corridor chewing more betel leafs… while his assistant (which have an uncanny resemblance of Samuel Jackson) passed us a tray of religious offering comprised of coconuts, more flower petals and some camphor. We were then asked to walk a full round encircling the shrine while carrying that tray. Then Samuel (the priest assistant) led us to our new car and began to chant even more mantras. This time, I think it was about the tires… make sure they don’t get punctured easily… make sure the balancing and alignment are well taken care of spiritually… make sure the fuel consumption of the car is good ….. make sure the drag coefficient of my car is greatly reduced… etc etc.

After completing the chant, Samuel then began sticking moisted turmeric powder on various parts of my car : top of the windscreen… both the number plates… rear windscreen… all the 4 wheels…. and even one on my steering. Emily asked me what were the moisted turmeric powder for (which looked like an orange colored plasticine/play-doh)… I told her that the Gods needed some ’spiritual’ sensors around our car… so that He’ll be able to watch over us through somekind of magical CCTV from his place. That was just a joke to lighten up the moment… the fact was I don’t have the slightest clue what were they for, except some grave concerns that they could probably discolor the new layer of metallic paint.

Then, Samuel stuck a lime under each of our 4 tires, which he then asked me to drive slightly forward to squish them. Again, I do not know why do I need to squish those innocent limes, but I reckoned those limes could be some sort of symbolic representation of illegal motorcycle racers on the road, asshole pedestrians and whatnots… squish them so that they won’t get in our way…. something like that. Then, Samuel burn up a pinchful of camphor on top of a coconut… and for what seemed to be an endless of odd procedures, he asked me to break that coconut on the floor.

At this point, I remembered that my mom actually told me that the coconut should be completely smashed… else I will have bad luck for eternity (yeah right). So, I took no chances and proceed to fling that coconut with all my might on the floor — which it disintegrated into smaller pieces and spraying its water in random direction… soaking my bermuda shorts wet. This time, the coconut represented those vagabonds driving heavily modified automobiles with loud exhaust pipes… smash them into pieces so that they would be instantly repelled. Muahahah …

Samuel then began to strew an abundant amount of flower petals on our car, which looked superbly nice and colorful… until he opened our car door and scattered the remaining of the petals into our car dashboard. Emily and I were flabbergasted by what Samuel did. The petals, pollens, stigma and buds were littered all over my car interior. Was that suppose to be somekind of message from God that we need to vacuum our car more often?

The flower flinging ceremony marks the end of the blessing… and I was finally allowed to go home after that grim episode of attention demanding procedures. Driving never felt any safer after the blessings… and surprisingly, Lorraine responded better too… horsepower increase… I reckoned.