April 27, 2004

near death experience

*This happened a few years ago in a pub.

It was Christmas Eve and I was with the BODs (Board Of Directors – my camaraderie of best buddies) inside a pub that we frequented every week. We’ve been there so often that we’ve developed quite a close relationship with the pub operators – including those super sexy bunch of waitresses and bar dancers that have cleavages deeper than the Grand Canyon. *I miss those days..*

That night, was also Emily’s first night out celebrating Christmas Eve in a pub with me. She had never been to a Christmas Eve party prior that night. That night, I was trying my best to behave myself as much as possible to maintain a good impression (Emily was just my girlfriend back then). So I would just sit there beside her playing nice, and that was my plan for the night.

Then came this waitress who hailed the name Alice. We’re kind of ok with each other, and she knew I was a regular. She doesn’t belong to the attractive type but more or less like that of an underage-schoolgirl category. Seeing that I was playing nice in front of my girl, she decided to play some pranks on me.

Each time she passes where I was sitting, she would sprinkle some of those glitter-dust on my head/face… and then bolt off. I couldn’t do anything to retaliate because I had to be with Emily. The most I could do was to show her some crude sign language behind Emily’s back. But that only encouraged her to do more.

I continued to get ‘sprinkled’ with glitter dust through the night, and by the time the countdown was over, I was feeling sort of blitzed from alcohol intoxication and I had a face full of those sparkling glitters – thanks to Alice. By that time, I had already lost all my senses from the alcohol and was already starting to lookout for Alice… and actually caught her when she tried to pull the stunt again. Oh man, what fun it was – for an intoxicated guy to grab hold of a prankster chick. Alice tried to wriggle herself free, but her effort was futile. I yanked her over to where I was, and grabbed hold of her head with both my hands. *Note: Emily was still standing in front of me facing the opposite side, so she didn’t see the whole thing…

As I do not have those glitter dust to sprinkle on her (if I had some, I would have poured them all into her tits), I did the next best thing – I used those on my face. What I did was, I pressed my face against her’s… and smeared the glitters onto her face in circular motion. I pressed so hard… that some of my saliva actually transferred along with the glitters onto her face. The BODs saw what I did… and was flabbergasted with their mouths wide agape… on what I had just done behind my soon-to-be wife. Emily became suspicious of something wrong when she saw my friends with those ‘theres-a-monster-behind-you’ look… and turned around to see what the fuck was going on.

In that split second when Emily’s head started to turn a couple of degrees towards my direction, I reacted by flicking Alice off my hands and face… catapulting her onto a bar stool nearby. I did it just fast enough for Emily to see Alice flying away in halfway while I retracted my hands. By the time Emily was looking at me, I gave her a blank innocent ‘what?’ (albeit panicky) look… while Alice was cackling like Popeye’s Sea Hag on the stool nearby. I was so fucking freaked out and there was a 2 seconds buffer of silence. I thought Emily saw the whole thing and would fire up her flamethrower to roast me alive… but instead of that, she gave me a smile and wiped off the nervous sweat that almost trickled down my forehead.

A very close shave indeed … I almost lost my life on that Christmas Eve.

michaelooi  | rompings  | 

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