walk me home

* a story happened last night. a very long entry… bitch if you want ..*

It suddenly rained heavily last night during our dinner. Sort of like a storm. Emily and I skeltered away with our big umbrella through the jet blast of rain towards a burger stall under a sheltered corridor. I wanted to buy us some burgers to fuel up for our late night “Kill Bill” DVD plan.

Once I folded up the umbrella, I noticed that there were a couple of dogs crouching themselves at a corner … shivering from the freezing winds of the storm (it’s never freezing in malaysia .. i used the word because it sounded good in that sentence). It was then, out of my warm human conscience, I uttered the following to Emily :

Me : “Poor dogs. They must be feeling like shit right now.”

Emily : “Pity that old man.”

Me : “Errr.. dear, I think it’s a female dog. I didn’t see any testicles hanging out from it’s behind .. and she got big tits”

Emily : “Nooo.. you tool. I’m referring to that old man standing there with a walking stick !”

I then saw that diminutive old man Emily was referring to… probably in his 70’s … with spiralling thick spectacles….standing right beside the edge of the water curtain, waiting for the rain to stop so that he could go home. He got nothing except a big pouch and a walking stick. No umbrella. The walking stick he was holding indicated that he probably has some difficulty to walk … and the pouch probably contained a few million bucks …. or some 4D tua-pek-kong dictionary.

Me : “Oh …ok… that old man. Yeah … poor old man.”

Emily : “He must be feeling very miserable right now.”

Tears were rolling down my face. No, not because I felt sad about anything, but because I gave a very big yawn. I contemplated at the situation ..while scratching my tummy and decided to do what’s best.

Me : “Alright dear. U make sure my burger comes with cheese… ok ? I’m gonna bring that old man home.”

Emily nodded in approval. I didn’t know why I did that. I never liked old people and usually, I avoid them for good. But then, I made an exception at that moment, and approached the old guy to offer him a dry walk home under my big ass umbrella.

Me : “Hello uncle. I can see you’re stranded here. Where do you live ? U want me to walk you back home ? ”

Old Guy : “That would be great. I lived there [pointed at a block of apartment opposite the place] … You live there as well ? ”

Me : “No uncle … I’m doing this because I’m a very nice guy. *wink wink*” [I sounded like a kidnapper sweet talking to a child]

Old Guy : “Oh…” [a hint of freak in his eyes]

Me : “I’m just kidding, uncle. I am waiting for my burger to be ready, so…I’m kinda free .. ”

Old Guy : “That’s very nice of you.”

And so I walked that old man over to the opposite building, where we’ll have to navigate along it’s corridor, then to cross a road before reaching his apartment block. The rain’s getting heavier by the seconds, and it was practically sweeping down diagonally instead of vertically. I had to slant my umbrella in such angle so that the old man doesn’t get wet. But in the process, my ass got sprayed by those stray raindrops that my umbrella failed to shield — rendering it wet like a soaked sponge. Such magnitude of sacrifice.

Upon reaching the dry corridor, me and old man walked pass a video arcade center … and there were 2 teenagers with a “spank me” and “gangsterous” face standing right outside the tacky place. Old man suddenly lifted his walking stick up to the eye level of the 2 teenagers …. and he shouted at them “Hoi !!!”. At first, I thought that old man went nuts and wanted to look for trouble with those vile youngsters. I almost got myself ready to bail … errmm … to protect that old man … until I realized that they actually knew each other. Teenagers greeted him back “Whatttss uppppp apek ?” .. and they continued to chat.

I was definitely dumbfucked. I’m supposed to walk him back, remember ? And he was doing his chatting right there … with the half-drenched me standing like an idiot with an umbrella waiting for him. Then, for what it must be like a minute or so, I gently interrupted their chat

“Uncle … you still want to go home ? My umbrella’s waiting .. ”

“Oh… yes .. I almost forgot. Let’s go… let’s go..”

We resumed walking … slowly …as he was kinda slow with his walking problems and all that. Then, it happened again. This time, it’s the newspaper vendor on the corridor. Old guy lifted up his walking stick, greeted each other… then chatted. I was definitely pissed at that time. Felt like wanting to break his stick. He was about to really get into it … until I reminded that old guy about our journey home by pointing at his apartment block using my wet umbrella. He resumed walking.

When we’re halfway through the open space under the pouring rain, I asked the old man “Uncle, where’s the entrance to your apartment block ?”.

He suddenly stopped walking and looked at me in a confused state. “I think it’s there … but it’s nearer here … but they won’t let us pass…. “.

I was like - wtf ?? My back was basically all wet, because we paused under the heavy rain for too long … coz my ass was outside the umbrella’s “dry border”. And he’s still standing there wouldn’t budge.

“Nehmind uncle. We’ll take the long route. Just keep walking. Don’t stop. I’ve got a big ass umbrella here .. you’re covered.” But, I’m not. Geez. And after walking for about 5 minutes, I finally got the sloth speed old guy back at his apartment block’s lobby. It was a journey full of obstacles and felt like a thousand years. Well, at least he thanked me and that’s all it takes to make it worthwhile to help him out.

I returned to Emily at the burger stall … and left the place together after that. Back home, I discovered that the burgerman did not put cheese into my bun. FUCK.